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Homesick

Posted 10-16-2016 at 05:21 PM by katydid
Updated 10-17-2016 at 06:01 PM by katydid
I expected to be happy now. I didn't expect for my life to be fixed. I didn't even necessarily expect to have a job by now. I thought I'd be happy. That I would have been able to lay out a plan for what comes next. I suppose, naively, I thought that leaving the place where I was most sorrowful would make me happy. It really sucks that I was wrong.

My kid is happy and that is really amazing to see. He is getting great grades. He shocked me by joining the drama club here. I'm a little nervous about the upcoming play. He's not. I'm so glad my kids are brave. He went to a football game this weekend. A first. He mowed the lawn. Another first. He's from Albuquerque.

I have lived in a total of eight cities, five states. Now I add one more city and state. I've yet to answer the question "Where is home?" I've loved something about every single place I've resided. It's just that I've also disliked other things. Except for Brooklyn. Brooklyn was pretty much perfect.

I feel like my home is with my kid. He is a great kid. He is thoughtful, funny, goofy, sincere, compassionate. This is his senior year. I wanted to make his senior year the best ever. I am the mom I remember being before my life fell apart. I, for the first time in forever, feel like I'm a good parent. I forgot how incredible that feels.

But, this is his senior year. I'm trying to make sure things don't fall apart for him just for the next six or seven months. That's all. I want him to graduate feeling happy about it all.

And, now I'm so sad. It's ridiculous I know. The time hasn't come yet, but it will rush towards me. I don't want to be apart from him. It sounds ludicrous. I want him to have a joyful, healthy life. I think that might mean I can't be in it.

I can picture him in his cap and gown, tall and handsome, accepting his diploma. I hope he feels like I did at the moment I stepped into my own life incredibly hopeful and happy. I hope he is like my former self and sets out to get everything he wants in life.

I know I'll be crying that day. I am beginning to feel homesick already.
Total Comments 6

Comments

Old
SophieC's Avatar
I'm glad your son is doing well. Sometimes I think it would be worth the airfare to go to America just to give you a cuddle. There are still adventures for you Katy, they're waiting till you're ready to take them.
Posted 10-16-2016 at 05:35 PM by SophieC SophieC is offline
Old
hijiller's Avatar
It looks like he is settling in on his own. Sounds like you have a good, independent son there. Let him thrive!

You made the right move, it seems.
Posted 10-16-2016 at 05:40 PM by hijiller hijiller is offline
Old
katydid's Avatar
I would happily take that offer for a cuddle from you Sophie. Thanks girls for your sweetness and kind words.
Posted 10-16-2016 at 08:51 PM by katydid katydid is offline
Old
Miss_red_siren's Avatar
He sounds happy and on his way to a great life. I'd say congrats, you've done good.
Posted 10-17-2016 at 02:11 PM by Miss_red_siren Miss_red_siren is offline
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OneFineDay's Avatar
Posted 10-22-2016 at 02:06 PM by OneFineDay OneFineDay is offline
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scoobertina's Avatar
Sounds to me like your son is happy. Before you know it the school year will be over and he's going to move on and away from you. Being an empty-nester myself I understand how home sick you're going to be. Hang in there! When you find that place where you feel content and happy you will finally be home. I left home when I was 18. I join the Navy. In that time those 24 years that I was in the Navy I lived in California, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, and we retired in Georgia. I made Georgia my home, but it's not where my heart is. I met a man finally after many many years and we have found our place. Will be moving there within the next 5 to 6 years, with any luck that is. Home is where I'm going to be happy, it is where you will be happy, when you find that place that makes your entire being relaxed. When you can look at your house and know it's not just a place to live but it's a place that you feel relaxed, content, and happy. You will do this Katydid. Have a lot of faith in yourself. I don't think you made the wrong move. Because you set in motion your son's future and your own. Keep growing
Posted 10-26-2016 at 08:10 PM by scoobertina scoobertina is offline
 
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