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I Felt You Today

Posted 04-01-2016 at 09:01 PM by disturbiagirl
Updated 04-01-2016 at 11:13 PM by disturbiagirl
Yesterday as I sat at my desk, I was suddenly overwhelmed by your presence and your perfume enveloped me. I wondered why you were here, what did it mean? Your visits don’t scare me anymore, like they once did, but they do make me curious and sometimes, nervous. I remember it was like that after my heart surgery, hooked up to all of those machines, high on morphine, still on a ventilator yet you overwhelmed me. I felt your hand on my shoulder, your voice in my head, encouraging me.

Gosh we used to have so much fun, I miss those days!! Remember the time we were driving down the interstate, listening to that comedian? We started laughing so hard that I had to pull the car over and stop because I couldn’t see for the tears??!!

Or how about the first time you drank Long Island Iced Tea? You drank so many, my God you were drunk and funny as Hell!!

All of our heart-to-hearts, we had such deep, personal conversations. You gave me a compliment many, many years ago, that to this day is the best compliment ever….when you said you wished you were more like me.

I regret that I couldn’t be the friend you needed me to be during your divorce, I just couldn’t take sides. I hope that over time you were able to forgive me, although I know you were resentful for a very long time.

For what it’s worth though, as bitter and ugly as that divorce was, Dad came to your funeral for us girls and told us that you died with dignity and he had a lot of respect for you for that.

So yesterday I felt you, smelled your unique, custom made perfume, and knew you were at my desk. And you were in my hospital room. And you've been in the car with me while I was cruising down the highway, more than a few times. Suddenly there for a few moments, then gone again. For fifteen years you continue to pop in and out, always announcing yourself in the same way. And always when you leave, I’m left with the same thought….I miss you Mom.
Total Comments 12


redcat's Avatar
She knows when you need the tough times and to remember the good ones. You had a special relationship with her and I know you miss her lots! I'll share Ma with ya.

This is a beautiful remembrance. Love ya!
Posted 04-01-2016 at 10:24 PM by redcat redcat is offline
Stew's Avatar
Well done.......thanks for sharing
Posted 04-02-2016 at 11:02 AM by Stew Stew is offline
bryan3636's Avatar
Posted 04-02-2016 at 01:00 PM by bryan3636 bryan3636 is offline
hijiller's Avatar
You have such a delicate touch as you bring us through your loss. Thank you for bringing your Mom to life for us with the details, especially the perfume. Beautiful!
Posted 04-02-2016 at 01:20 PM by hijiller hijiller is offline
tink062570's Avatar
There is no greater pain the pain we feel over the loss of our mothers but she knows that you need her and that is when she pops in to show you that she is still with you. You made me cry as i read this thank your having such a special blog .
Posted 04-02-2016 at 07:24 PM by tink062570 tink062570 is offline
oldandnaked's Avatar
Very touching, brought a tear to my eye.
Posted 04-03-2016 at 09:04 AM by oldandnaked oldandnaked is offline
Ethingnow's Avatar
That was absolutely beautiful. Take the qualities of her and live up to them the way your mom did
Posted 04-04-2016 at 08:16 PM by Ethingnow Ethingnow is offline
gdgrl's Avatar
You're never alone.
Posted 04-04-2016 at 08:16 PM by gdgrl gdgrl is offline
Just A Girl's Avatar
that was perfect
Posted 04-05-2016 at 09:51 AM by Just A Girl Just A Girl is offline
TomIAm's Avatar
nice blog...sounds like you had a great relationship with her.
Posted 04-05-2016 at 11:04 AM by TomIAm TomIAm is offline
MisterBlueSky's Avatar
That is great - and must have been cathartic and difficult to write. Well done
Posted 04-05-2016 at 11:57 AM by MisterBlueSky MisterBlueSky is offline
ZoydW's Avatar
This is so poignant.
Posted 04-05-2016 at 02:30 PM by ZoydW ZoydW is offline
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