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It's The Safest Way To Be.

Posted 06-19-2015 at 04:26 PM by SpecialK
So... I'm back on the site.... doing something I told myself before that I'd never do. I guess I have come to some realizations. I put too much stock into what I was told. I assumed (and yes... I know about assuming) that most people were like me... especially those that could relate to my situation. ...but I lived.... and learned... I will say nothing negative about those I was involved with. ..but I do know now that things were definitely not as they seemed. I am the same whether I am online...or offline. I'm a real person. I know I am playful... and I banter a lot. It's an interesting way to interact with people. I've seen that setting expectations much higher than that only leads in a direction that is frustrating to all involved. I blogged on my own. ...throughout my experiences while here... and in my personal life... I've lost my mom... and my grandmother in the past few years.... and I've learned to deal with those losses. I blamed people online for my unhappiness, even though I set too high expectations for what I had. I know that I can develop a few friendships... and those friendships might even hold on away from the site. ...but I choose to remain guarded because of what I've been through. I know there are many here that have been through far worse than I have.... but I've let people close to me on many occasions. ....all I've discovered is that most people don't have a clue as to what they want. They just want something exciting in their lives. I don't blame them. .. we all want to feel like someone cares about us.... and will be there for the support when we need them. No one has done anything wrong to me. It was my fault that I fell..because I wanted to believe in something. I guess I'm that guy who sorta believed that the happily ever after could still exist. ...but because of the site's makeup. ...lots of good people. ..don't get me wrong. But most everyone has a plan in place. I never wanted to disturb that plan. ...but because of that plan, anything started....more than friendship. ...has an ending point at some time. As long as I can keep that in mind....and just enjoy the witty banter and fun interaction... I should survive my stay here. I'm thankful to those people who enjoy the interaction. ...and I hope that in some way I bring a smile to a few faces along the way. I've heardrum many times that "it is what it is". I know what it is now... and I will be who I am.... this time without any expectations from others. It's the safest way to be.
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Old
katydid's Avatar
I always wonder about people who think they can manipulate their own mind into thinking or feeling a certain way. And, I wonder more about why you would want to? Would you pass up the chance to have more of the same thing, but perhaps something that lasts?
Posted 06-21-2015 at 02:03 PM by katydid katydid is offline
Old
SpecialK's Avatar
...probably because some of the things I've been through.. have left a huge scar on me.. one that will always be present. I have said it before.. and I'll say it again.. you don't go though something as strong as that without it taking its toll.... I trust people less and less with every relationship I've had.. now.. I don't trust anyone completely... and very few to an extent. Yes.. I would pass up the chance to have more of the same thing.... it's not worth the pain.... not that much pain anyway. I hold nothing against anyone... People just don't seem to know exactly what they want... and in the process.. they don't think of what harm they can do to others who take relationships much more seriously.
Posted 06-24-2015 at 12:18 AM by SpecialK SpecialK is offline
 
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