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scared spitless

Posted 11-08-2012 at 11:58 AM by Tndream
I find myself here once again, posting in the blogs.
I tried to stay away, I really did.

I stayed away during all the good and bad times I have had since I left.

But, I find myself here once again.

It seems like an old freind, one I can turn to in time of need, or to vent my frustrations.

one I turn to when i need to put my thoughts into order so I can figure out a problem.

this time I fear there is no turning back,
and some people will tell me I am being silly or unreasonable, but they arent the ones going through it.

I am the one who has set the wheels in motion on this one.
there is no turning back, ever, once its done, its done, there is no reversing the procedure.

I called the doctor this morning and set up an appointment for a consultation for a hysterectomy.

I am so sick and tired of feeling like a freak cause I have to take time off of work for this.

I am worried that Oscar will not want me any longer.

I am sure my fears are stupid and unsubstantiatied, but, I have them none the less.

What if they fuck up when they are putting the needle in my back?
then ill really be screwed.

Will I still want sex? or are they gonna put me on the pill again?

either way im screwed, last time i was on a replacement therapy it killed my sex drive.

no wonder the pill works so well, you dont want to do anything, so therefore you dont get pregnant.

Please God, don't let them fuck this up.
Total Comments 8

Comments

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wayneypoo's Avatar
very brave of you sharing this on here,of coarse you will have concerns,but at your appointment disscuss all your fears with the main doc.people who love you will understand.i dont think you will ever loose your sexyness.
Posted 11-08-2012 at 03:30 PM by wayneypoo wayneypoo is offline
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DomesticDiva's Avatar
Posted 11-08-2012 at 06:41 PM by DomesticDiva DomesticDiva is offline
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gabrielle22's Avatar
Posted 11-08-2012 at 06:56 PM by gabrielle22 gabrielle22 is offline
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redcat's Avatar
Aww, Tinny!! You aren't being silly or unreasonable. Just the opposite, I'd imagine. It's normal to have fears....and healthy. As Wayney said, talk to your doctor about them. Sure, screw-ups sometimes happen, but when you figure the sheer number of hysterectomies done each year, it is bound to be a minute percentage.

The fears of losing your sex drive and/or undergoing HRT ...yeah, very understandable. Have you checked into natural alternatives like wild yam cream, etc? As for Oscar, he'll still want you, though he may be fearful of hurting you, so don't misinterpret.

Best of luck and feel better soon!!
Posted 11-08-2012 at 09:11 PM by redcat redcat is offline
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daisyduck's Avatar
get all the answers for your doctor. I would be scared too. And welcome back!!
Posted 11-08-2012 at 09:12 PM by daisyduck daisyduck is offline
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gdgrl's Avatar
Damn that Eve for making being a woman so hard. I'd love to kick her ass.!
Posted 11-09-2012 at 06:48 PM by gdgrl gdgrl is offline
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scoobertina's Avatar
tinny! I've missed you! but I'm in agreement.. do what you need to do.. Oscar is going to love you no matter what..
Posted 11-09-2012 at 10:24 PM by scoobertina scoobertina is offline
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katydid's Avatar
Honey. So glad to see you back. Worry isn't something you can just push aside. It will come back 10 fold. Instead like everyone has said, look at it, examine it, think about and see if it's based in anything real. Ask questions if you have to, talk to someone who loves you and you trust.

First, wait until you talk to your doctor babe about the surgical/physical worries. I've personally had 2 epidurals during c-sections (if that's what you meant about the needle) with no problems and millions of women have them each day.

Second, I don't know the last time you took birth control pills or heard about HRT, but things have changed incredibly in that department. You can't believe the number of options now (are you even getting a complete hysterectomy removing your ovaries?). There are so many different drugs and then there is testosterone to counteract with those effects if need be.

And (I know this is long), I second what everyone else has said about Oscar. He loves you. It is normal sometimes to isolate from people we love when we are terrified because of our fears of them fleeing or changing how they feel. Just open your heart to him as much as you can and if nothing else tell him that it may be hard for you to act the same for a little while because you're scared senseless. He will stand by you and love you and understand that you are, tinnie, the woman you've always been. He knows you have and will never be anyone else.

Good luck to you honey!
Posted 11-17-2012 at 08:46 AM by katydid katydid is offline
 
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