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Rating: 2 votes, 4.50 average.

All that and a Bag of Chips

Posted 04-04-2016 at 02:02 AM by .Cotties
Updated 04-04-2016 at 12:44 PM by .Cotties
Moved from Hijillers wall

I told myself this morning that I would not log in for a week to teach you or me a lesson. I lasted a restless sleepless night [ran out of pot], critisized my wife for still living with me prior to going to bed, walked her to work in the morning and kept on poking her in the bum with my umbrella until she got cranky then told her I want a girlfriend on the side. She gave me a free coffee and said go away. I'm easily bribed and she knows coffee peddlers.

So I stood out side my school for the moronic having a smoke and it came to me. No woman with a child under 15 should ever be allowed to pass a law.

Then for my lesson on culture and racism in the work place on level 8. Lets just say myself and the teacher rubbed shoulders on the issue after her third example of white australians touched the wrong nerve.

I asked if we would be using any other ethnicities today in her class to understand racism and I am perplexed why only white people are being singled out. [I am the only white guy in this class btw]. Blah blah blah she said.

She started shaking, after 10 minutes she popped and told me I could go outside or perhaps I have more wisdom I needed to share with the class.

Then I watched the racism really kick in and move from subliminal to the blatant.

She gave us a jigaboo dance for my Nigerian friend I was sitting next to, saying all african people understand each others cultures and move by the beat of a drum.[fuck the war going on there right now and 54 countries that are diverse]

Then onto some cultures where women aren't permitted to make a noise during child birth. I said where in my sarcastic tone. She said Vietnam. I rolled my fucking eyes and looked back to the poster on the wall of the nasal cavity.

Then back to the Aussie country folk for her and used an example of when a person gestured to a person to come over here & that was racism and that is highly frowned upon in some cultures. I nearly said fuck off then, but just used my imagination and placed some boogers on the wall poster instead.

She called a lunch break and asked about my eye rolling before the class could get up. So I said in my culture we are encouraged to ask the teacher questions and we don't call that wisdom but I am trying to adjust to your culture and will refrain from being inquisitive.

oh shit...then I had a group of Nepalese start up on me. fuck..they have a caste sytstem in 2016 and I am being lectured. One time when he arrived in Australia and a taxi driver said no worries mate he thought he said mite. like an insect! These are fighting words where he comes from.

faaaarrrrrrk..I thought he was going to punch me so asked if he was on drugs to give him a nudge. Now the teacher is screaming at the Nepalese guys because there are 3 of them standing over me. Bitches should have been slapped but couldn't get them to bite.

Then out the corner of my eye I see a nice Thai girl come into the class clueless about our current antics and a Chinese guy wouldn't let her sit at the last desk available next to the wall. I say hey buddy let the lady sit down. Dickhead moved his bag. The Thai girl said hi, I remember you and where have you been? I said[ no idea who she was] busy, have we met before? She said you were complaining about a poster outside last time and we were laughing.[I'm still clueless even after she said we took a photo selfy together in front of the said poster.] So she says I am so glad you are here. You make the class fun.

Angry teacher looks like she is about to knife me now.

I got up and walked out and had lunch on my own. Made myself return to class as its answer time where whitey[me] has to read the questions out loud to the class because they can't understand the teacher and then I have to answer them while everyone jots the answer down.

Man I couldn't believe this is government endorsed and when I read out number

15. When is it appropriate to touch a woman in the workplace? and I said at a christmas party if she is drunk or never. I got it wrong again. You may if you think she is upset according to the teacher.

Number 21. When is it appropriate to touch an older lady in a nursing home?

My answer. You may poke her if you think she is dead.

Number 23.When can you touch a 10 year old boy?
I said in the bathroom. Wrong again. When he looks scared is the answer. Exactly what I said damn it.

Number 33. If a muslim resident turns his back on you because you are a woman what should you do?

My answer. Call him pig headed. wrong again.

seriously..how can I bottle this up...you have your girly hooks in me so badly Jilly

PS gents. I am going to read the first paragraph off two mens blogs to show people I can be bi curious when pushed.

The School for The Mentally Challenged


a song I like. You can't see me if I can't see you. cheer up people!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJdnurMDe0g
Total Comments 7

Comments

Old
oldandnaked's Avatar
I want what you're smoking. Love it. 100% Cotties thru and thru.
Posted 04-04-2016 at 10:09 AM by oldandnaked oldandnaked is offline
Old
hijiller's Avatar
Absolutely friggin' hilarious. That's all..just too funny..especially the poor lady in the nursing home is just off in la la land from the morphine she is probably getting directly into her veins.

Of course, I'm dying to fix the layout and punctuation..but that's me, and it wouldn't be Cotties. And thanks for entering ...we needed humorous!
Posted 04-04-2016 at 11:09 AM by hijiller hijiller is offline
Updated 04-04-2016 at 11:43 AM by hijiller
Old
redcat's Avatar
Agreed...hilarious and I'll take some of that smoke, pls.

I don't know what category this will be in, but I think I'm looking at a winner.
Posted 04-04-2016 at 01:26 PM by redcat redcat is offline
Old
tink062570's Avatar
Wow smoke ethics and sexual harassment all in one place ... Hill is so lucky great entry
Posted 04-04-2016 at 06:46 PM by tink062570 tink062570 is offline
Old
ZoydW's Avatar
You never know until you find out through experience whether Nepalese are serious or frivolous.
Posted 04-04-2016 at 10:09 PM by ZoydW ZoydW is offline
Old
katydid's Avatar
Funniest question and answer set ever.

You should win for this alone:

Number 21. When is it appropriate to touch an older lady in a nursing home?

My answer. You may poke her if you think she is dead.

Who knew you were so hilarious? I've obviously just been taking you WAY too seriously!
Posted 04-05-2016 at 11:38 PM by katydid katydid is offline
Old
OneFineDay's Avatar
Good one mate ... now go and have your Vegemite sandwich, will ya ?
Posted 04-23-2016 at 10:41 AM by OneFineDay OneFineDay is offline
 

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