Married And Flirting Chat

Married And Flirting Chat (http://www.marriedandflirtingchat.com/forums/index.php)
-   Married But Looking (http://www.marriedandflirtingchat.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   How do you protect yourself from being crushed here on M&F? (http://www.marriedandflirtingchat.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6843)

WandaRing 03-10-2008 08:59 PM

How do you protect yourself from being crushed here on M&F?
 
How do you protect yourself from being crushed here on M&F?

How do you protect yourself from being hurt or your having your feelings being crushed when you or if you get too close to someone on M&F? I have seen a few relationships build up, I have chatted with a few who have some really sad stories, and I have met a few that are so desperate for a relationship they’ll say anything or do anything to have one.

It scares the hell out of me if I should ever fall for someone from here and they are just being a schumck. I also know that I have a trust issue so if I ever did fall for someone they worked pretty damn hard at it.

M&F is after all this is a flirting site and its set up for flirting, so how do you mange, how do you protect yourself from being hurt or used? Cause I'd really like to know....please. :D

fly 03-10-2008 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieGeee
How do you protect yourself from being crushed here on M&F?

How do you protect yourself from being hurt or your having your feelings being crushed when you or if you get too close to someone on M&F? I have seen a few relationships build up, I have chatted with a few who have some really sad stories, and I have met a few that are so desperate for a relationship they’ll say anything or do anything to have one.

It scares the hell out of me if I should ever fall for someone from here and they are just being a schumck. I also know that I have a trust issue so if I ever did fall for someone they worked pretty damn hard at it.

M&F is after all this is a flirting site and its set up for flirting, so how do you mange, how do you protect yourself from being hurt or used? Cause I'd really like to know....please. :D

Like you said.......make them work really hard for it. And time is a good indicator. Just don't rush things.....

AL(m) 03-10-2008 09:08 PM

Well Annie you have done it again.. always bring up very good and relative questions....
the most obvious one to me is not to trust to quickly..... keep your heart safe and close we all can fall intot he trap of trusting people on here... so easy to do but what do we really know about them....there is so much in real meetings.. so you can see body lanuage.. but one also has to keep the fantasy from the reality.. we all want the perfect relationship.... which is not that easy to find..... I tip my hat to the ones that have found it......
Will be in teresting to follow this thread ..... :wa: :55

Kissie 03-10-2008 09:09 PM

I for one am not looking for a relationship....I let everyone know that right up front!!! So there is no chance of anyones feelings ever getting hurt!!!

toosarcastic 03-10-2008 09:17 PM

guess I am "lucky" enough to not have fallen into a relationship with anyone here!

merdock67 03-10-2008 09:19 PM

I am not going to protect myself at all I have gotten use to being rejected after being with my wife for a few years.

Sensual Woman 03-10-2008 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieGeee
How do you protect yourself from being crushed here on M&F?

How do you protect yourself from being hurt or your having your feelings being crushed when you or if you get too close to someone on M&F? I have seen a few relationships build up, I have chatted with a few who have some really sad stories, and I have met a few that are so desperate for a relationship they’ll say anything or do anything to have one.

It scares the hell out of me if I should ever fall for someone from here and they are just being a schumck. I also know that I have a trust issue so if I ever did fall for someone they worked pretty damn hard at it.

M&F is after all this is a flirting site and its set up for flirting, so how do you mange, how do you protect yourself from being hurt or used? Cause I'd really like to know....please. :D

Annie, there is no way to totally protect yourself, but I would suggest becoming friends first and really getting to know each other first. Being honest with each other about what it is you want. Then, if it becomes more, you are comfortable with the other person and they are with you. And it can develop into a real relationship.

scoobertina 03-10-2008 09:22 PM

it happens.. you connect with someone, you talk for hours.. you feel the bond... you meet.. you fall in love... you think about this person day and night... whether he/she is good for you or not.. sometimes it happens to both of you.. sometimes only one.. you can't stop it from happening..


I am totally honest with the people I talk to up front.. yes I am separated.. no, I am not looking for anything .. but if it happens I won't stop it either.. I think I need to experience it... the good, the bad, all of it.. I need to understand all of it...

spare_change 03-10-2008 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieGeee
How do you protect yourself from being crushed here on M&F?

How do you protect yourself from being hurt or your having your feelings being crushed when you or if you get too close to someone on M&F? I have seen a few relationships build up, I have chatted with a few who have some really sad stories, and I have met a few that are so desperate for a relationship they’ll say anything or do anything to have one.

It scares the hell out of me if I should ever fall for someone from here and they are just being a schumck. I also know that I have a trust issue so if I ever did fall for someone they worked pretty damn hard at it.

M&F is after all this is a flirting site and its set up for flirting, so how do you mange, how do you protect yourself from being hurt or used? Cause I'd really like to know....please. :D

Annie -- it's probably none of my business (which most assuredly means it is absolutely none of my business), but I've never let that stop me before.

I get the impression that you've been seriously hurt, seriously betrayed, in the past. You worry about the pain, and how to avoid it, how to prevent it from ever happening again.

There's only one way to absolutely, positively, avoid ever being hurt again --- and that's to put yourself into a place where you will never feel anything again, close yourself off to the world. If you enclose yourself in a teflon emotional bubble, no one can ever hurt you again.

But ... is that what you really want? To never feel anything again? To focus on the past, and the pain, and deny yourself the future, and its glory?

To feel pain, or joy, you have to let something, or somebody, touch you. Are you taking a chance on being hurt? Damn right -- it could happen again. But, think about the good times, and how good they felt. Don't think about the bad times, and how bad they felt. Strive for the good things - brush off the bad things.

I know of what i speak - I spent 35 years in that bubble. Mine was thicker, though -- nothing got through. Nothing. Finally, somebody found a crack, and got inside. It was glorious, it was wondrous -- it was unlike anything I remembered. Eventually, I got hurt again ... but this time, it's ok --- it was well worth it. I learned that I can't live without feeling, I can't live without loving. For THAT lesson, I am eternally grateful.

Don't die inside that bubble - I almost did. Live your life -- love your life. Take a chance. The only thing worse than getting hurt is to feel nothing at all.

Good luck, hun ....

Penny 03-10-2008 09:43 PM

thats the best way ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kissie
I for one am not looking for a relationship....I let everyone know that right up front!!! So there is no chance of anyones feelings ever getting hurt!!!


Thumpintwin 03-10-2008 09:57 PM

I don't know Annie, I don't think you can. I locked myself behind empotional walls for a long time, and all they really did was lock me in. To stop feeling hurt, I had to stop feeling totally. Not sure I can go back to that. I'll take my chances I guess, but always be honest with yourself and make sure your in love with the person, not in love with the idea of being in love. Don't make excuses....for yourself or for them.


Lord this is a hard one....:(

edit: Spare hit on a good point....you will probably be hurt again, and again, and again. But if there is love in there too.....then everything is gonna be ok.

Torin 03-10-2008 10:02 PM

Annie... I wish I had some advice to give you. All I can say is that I have been where you are, and I know how badly it hurts.

The only thing that has saved me from getting truly crushed is insisting on a time limit before meeting... the few that will wait are usually worth the wait... and the many who aren't, just simply aren't worth it.

:hug:

pointofnoreturn 03-10-2008 10:10 PM

YOu can get crushed on here, but also out there. This place lets you get to know people. You talk...you listen...You get to know them. It is up to you how far you want to go......Trust yourself to know what is best for you...

living to Flirt 03-10-2008 10:27 PM

I don't think you can... It is just us being human to give a little. I know we all say take time, trust and honest. But each one of those things means that you need to give something to get something. And I agree with Spare Change that you can try to have that emotional bubble, say that you will stay outside and keep it strickly for fun. But I think that crack that Spare talked about is the fun. When you have fun, you drop that guard. And emotions leak out.

And when they leak out, someone might take and run with them, or step on them. Its a chance we take. Hurt is part of learning. And it could happen again. I spent many years keeping my heart out of relationships, even with my wife. Is it fair, no, but I have not forgotten the hurt and swore I never would. But I found that M&F is not a normal relationship. Fantasies, hopes and dreams can pull you out and let you see that its ok to feel. And it hurts to know something does not work, but this is a great site, a great group of people and you will have support of alot of flirters waiting to make your day a little brighter.

MIGHTY 03-10-2008 10:40 PM

Spare was right when he said you don't want to live in a bubble. It's ok to have a protective shell, we all do I believe. I know that I do, still. People here need to keep their patience about them. Some connections are bound to be deeper than others. Some are looking for more than just friendships and good conversation. The patience comes into play when the ones that are truly looking realize that there are those here that are not. There are lines and limits. There are connections and broken hearts. There is love, for friends, for "family", for, now, significant others. Anyone here can see the pain, sense the pain some of us have experienced through our posts. Patience again should come into play.

From my personal experience, we just happened. It wasn't planned, or sought, and we were both shocked at what developed. But, it did develop over time...lots of time. I was scared and timid and shy and terrified at the prospects of love again. I know better, yet still felt, that they're all the same. He knew what kind of "place" I was in. It took him a looong time to earn my trust. If he says the wrong thing, or does the wrong thing (intentional or not), I automatically regress emotionally and he practically has to start over again to help me ease the wall back down. Don't ask me why he puts up with this......me putting him through the ringer, him having to constantly reassure and deal with my emotional baggage....but he does. He knows that I am still scared of love, of him, as a man with the potential to cause me pain. But, with the little girl who hides within, is also a woman who longs to be loved, for who she is, not who someone wants her to be.

Again, I lean to patience. Whether you want or not, it takes time to break through the barriers of trust in any relationship, on any level. If they don't appreciate that, then it is not worth your time to explain to them that they should. We all get hurt. We are all prone. Any level of relationship can cause pain. I have had my feelings hurt by people I barely know......and have almost been crushed in my struggles with him. But, in the end, my "family" is worth the risk. My friendships are worth the risk. And HE is worth the risk...............

ethans_so_bad 03-10-2008 10:42 PM

I have found that the best way to protect myself from being crushed here is to always wear a hardhat, be acutely aware of my surroundings, and only smoke in the designated areas.

spare_change 03-10-2008 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MIGHTY
Spare was right when he said ...............


Well, of course I was .... you act surprised!!

:lmao

MIGHTY 03-10-2008 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spare_change
Well, of course I was .... you act surprised!!

:lmao

Most of the time, it's not two cents, it's spare change.......;)

spare_change 03-10-2008 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MIGHTY
Most of the time, it's not two cents, it's spare change.......;)


The story of my life ..... undervalued by beautiful women.

(it's two bits, not two cents!!)

Sneaky 03-10-2008 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieGeee
It scares the hell out of me if I should ever fall for someone from here and they are just being a schumck. I also know that I have a trust issue so if I ever did fall for someone they worked pretty damn hard at it.

M&F is after all this is a flirting site and its set up for flirting, so how do you mange, how do you protect yourself from being hurt or used? Cause I'd really like to know....please. :D

There's been a lot of good advice here so far. I can add just a little bit.....

I don't think anyone who has gotten involved here planed on it. I sure as hell did not. Hell, Solo & I couldn't admit for three monthes that we might actually LIKE each other! But it was good for us that way. We took it very slow and got to know each other. We had the same sense of humor and weird perspective on things, so that was a start. We asked each other lots of questions, shared stories, and laughed a lot, bickered, posted together, and revealed a little more of ourselves to each other every day. Trust is built slowly.

Be sure to pay attention to not just the words a person tells you, but the person they show you they are. Do they do what they say they are going to do? Do they treat you with compassion and kindness even when you don't do what they want? I tested Solo a hell of a lot, I am not an easy woman (I know that is a HUGE shock! ;) ).
In the end I just really liked him.
In the end I stoped overthinking it and dove in.
In the end I took and am taking a risk.
That's all anyone can do.

WandaRing 03-10-2008 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ethans_so_bad
I have found that the best way to protect myself from being crushed here is to always wear a hardhat, be acutely aware of my surroundings, and only smoke in the designated areas.

lmao you forgot the most important one...a cup :na :lmao

WandaRing 03-10-2008 11:31 PM

thank you everyone....its just hard to let go sometimes and to move forward, I also realize that this is a flirting space meant for fun --but with guys asking you--umm, me to be more open I panic...and want to run the other way...:whee:

Han Solo 03-10-2008 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sneaky
I tested Solo a hell of a lot, I am not an easy woman (I know that is a HUGE shock! ;) )

How bout that... a public record FINALLY acknowledging that I....ME....CAPTAIN SOLO........is and always has been the kindly, sweet, easy going, pleasant to deal with sweet talking one......deal with that sister! :D

To me there are no rules or guidelines you can follow to keep you out of trouble or prevent you from pain. Whether it's live in front of you or online people will act the way they are predispotioned to. If you talk to someone long enough you will find out what they are all about. I think over the course of a little time someone's online personality will reflect their real life personality...you just have to look for the signs and pay attention. That's not to say that once in a while someone or something fools you or slips through the cracks. But if you are the type to fall in love on the first date...my guess is that those people are that way offline too. So all you can do is be yourself and the rest will take care of itself. For those who got hung up on someone too quickly or fell in love overnight and then feel hurt or burned by it......I'd say you have to ask yourself "how well did I really know that person, how much did I really know about them before I jumped in"......that answer will more likely than not be probably not very well to have real deep feelings for someone. It's easy to come to a place like this and get caught up in everything and say or do things that are uncharacteristic for the short term...but I think eventually that wears off and their true personality shows through. Course I'm hoping to show my true self sometime in the near future.....just had to make sure I really had her hooked first before I reveal that thing about my third nipple ;)

MIGHTY 03-10-2008 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spare_change
The story of my life ..... undervalued by beautiful women.

(it's two bits, not two cents!!)

Two bits? I thought that was your nickname for your.......oh, nevermind, I don't wanna know.......:sc

But thanks for callin me beautiful........:kk......although you probably regret it now...lol.

PunkyBob 03-10-2008 11:42 PM

Keep your perspective. Ultimately you are responsible for your own emotions, but that still does not prevent you from becoming attached. We form the strangest kinds of relationships here...long distance, largely without visual or voice (certainly without smell), but we still experience friendship, eroticism, intellectualism (almost misspelled that) and lotsa good stuff. But you have to keep in mind the fact that you still need to take your time and be smart about who you get involved with. Yes, people can crap on your soul from time to time...anywhere...

I don't think you can avoid heartbeak...certainly not the risk of it.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:22 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.