She did, with a guy I knew. There is no good excuse for what she did, and what I've come to realize is that it had nothing to do with me, although at the time I took it very personal - as most of us do. I felt extremely angry and trapped. You feel like there is nothing you can do (that is productive) to alleviate the hurt and pain it has caused. If you leave, then your kids become innocent victims. If you hurt the guy, then you get into trouble. You could go out and cheat, but then you sell-out on your own principles. It seems like you suffer immensely for trying to be the grown-up and do the right thing.
It is an extremely uncomfortable burden thrust upon you by the selfish act(s) of your spouse. I found myself resenting her for forcing those decisions on me.
"Why is keeping my family together now on me?" "I didn't ask for this, you turned your back on our family, and now I have to be the grown-up here and keep it together - thanks a lot!" These are just some of the thoughts that went through my head.
I never found any miracle cure or insight for healing - just time. We decided to work it out, and we are better now than we ever used to be. However, whenever someone told me that I needed to forgive and move on, or "you two could be closer after this" I wanted to reach across and choke them out.
It simply just took time; I was tired of feeling angry and vengeful. Not to say that that I'm completely over it (it was just last year). I do wonder sometimes if she's really where she says she is. I feel that her actions speak for themselves - she's way more into "us" than she used to be. That's the yardstick I measure our trust with. So yeah, I do trust her, and when I get those thoughts in my head I just don't let them take over, cuz it can make you crazy.