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Old 04-21-2008, 11:14 PM   #42
DiscordianSaint
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Well the secret to getting her to use a toy is pretty simple.

Step 1 - Acquire a sturdy dildo, preferably a 12 or 13 inch long model, one that looks like it could handle some abuse
Step 2 - Take her our for a nice dinner with alcohol
Step 3 - When she is getting ready for bed be very quiet and lovingly sneak up behind her
Step 4 - Aim for the base of the skull and SWING AWAY with the aforementioned dildo
Step 5 - Ensure step 4 worked
Step 6 - Seriously if you don't double check step 4 you could end up minus St.Peter if you get my drift
Step 7 - Position her on the bed with said dildo in her hand
Step 8 - When she awakes and wants to know what happened tell her you would sure as hell like to know to. All you remember is hearing her moaning from the bedroom along with lots of loud banging. Fearing for her safety you rushed in to find her pleasureably passed out on the bed.
Step 9 - Quickly, before she can process everything that is happening demand that if she is going to use a dildo instead of your services next time she could at least offer to let you watch.
Step 10 - Storm out of the bedroom and slam the door.
Step 11 - ...?
Step 12 - She starts having wild, toy filled sex with you on a nightly basis

I'm just kidding ladies, honest. I would never be so crass and rude as to slam the door on my lady. >wink<
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