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Old 06-27-2017, 04:00 PM   #2126
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An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."

The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."
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Old 06-27-2017, 04:03 PM   #2127
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A guy walks on the street and sees a beautiful young women with the most perfect breast. He stops her and says "Would you let me bite your breast for $100 ?" The women insulted replies "I am not one of those women" and takes off.

He runs around the block to see her again and cannot resist asking her "Would you let me bite your breast for $1000 ?" Again she takes off all insulted.

He has to see her again, this time he says" Would you let me bite your breast for $10,000 ?" She thinks about it for a minute and says "follow me in this dark alley." There she opens her blouse and he starts caressing them, grabbing them, kissing them. He then puts his face between them. A bit annoyed she says "Aren't you going to bite my breast?"

And the guy says" Nope, too expensive."
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Old 06-27-2017, 04:08 PM   #2128
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two drunk male friends talking in a bar ,one says to the other ,what happened to you last night ,his friend reply,s I went home by the railway tracks last night and picked up a women and had stunning sex ,great said his mate did you get a blow job !!no his friend replies she didn't,t have a head .!!!
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Old 06-27-2017, 08:02 PM   #2129
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A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now....."
(Gotta love that military time)
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Old 06-28-2017, 05:57 PM   #2130
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A blonde received a certificate for helicopter flying lessons for her birthday. One day she was bored and decided to take advantage of the opportunity.

When she arrived at the place, the man said "Well, there's only one helicopter here, and it only has one seat, if I show you how to do it, do you mind going up solo?"

"Oh of course! I can handle it" the blonde replied.

Well, he showed her the inner-workings of the helicopter and sent her on her way, only asking that she radio in every 400ft. just to make sure everything was going smoothly.

at 400ft, she radioed in saying "wow! this is so much fun!"

At 800 ft. She radioed in again saying "this is pretty easy, I can do this all day!"

At 1200 ft. She didnt. he waited and waited, and didn't hear from the blonde! seconds later he heard a crash in the field next to the station. He ran out to see what happened, the blonde crashed!

Luckily she survived, "what happened?" he exclaimed.

"Well, I was doing fine, but, I started to get cold, so I just turned off the big fan!"
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Old 06-28-2017, 06:06 PM   #2131
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A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She says, "Yes.. My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge.

But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?

The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."
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Old 07-06-2017, 09:44 PM   #2132
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A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the sheerer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.
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