Married And Flirting Chat

Go Back   Married And Flirting Chat > Married And Flirting Chat Forums > Jokes, Stories & Games

Jokes, Stories & Games Have a good joke to tell or a story to share. How about a game to play, Post it here and share it with us.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-16-2012, 11:16 AM   #1
Xdiscretion
Gone
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Age: 46
Posts: 2,840
Thanks: 922
Thanked 1,090 Times in 808 Posts
Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like
Default Deadly Words Used by Women

1. Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up

2. Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this means half and hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to what you are enjoying before helping around the house.

3. Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go ahead.

This is a dare, not permission. Tread carefully.

5. Loud Sigh

This is actually a word, but is non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. See number 3 for meaning of nothing.

6. That's Okay

This is the most dangerous statement. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for mistake.

7. Thanks

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. One clause to add here, this is true, unless she says 'thanks a lot' - that is sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. Do not say you're welcome to 'thanks a lot', that will result in a 'whatever'.

8. Whatever

Is short for FUCK YOU

9. Don't worry about it, I got it

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking 'what's wrong?' which will typically result in 'nothing' (see number 3)

10. Uh huh

Can be used in place of any of the above.


Please feel free to add along...
Xdiscretion is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Xdiscretion For This Useful Post:
Apparition (11-16-2012), BellaLuna (11-20-2012), KelliRem31 (11-16-2012)
Old 11-16-2012, 11:19 AM   #2
Just A Girl
The Notorious J.A.G.
 
Just A Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Age: 45
Posts: 64,263
Thanks: 33,031
Thanked 36,674 Times in 22,746 Posts
Blog Entries: 23
Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like
Default

When I wanna say fuck you, I usually just say it lol
__________________
I'm mostly peace, love and light & a little go fuck yourself...
Just A Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Just A Girl For This Useful Post:
KelliRem31 (11-16-2012)
Old 11-16-2012, 11:20 AM   #3
Xdiscretion
Gone
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Age: 46
Posts: 2,840
Thanks: 922
Thanked 1,090 Times in 808 Posts
Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like Xdiscretion Is God Like
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Girl View Post
When I wanna say fuck you, I usually just say it lol
pffft... uh huh!
Xdiscretion is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-16-2012, 11:21 AM   #4
Just A Girl
The Notorious J.A.G.
 
Just A Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Age: 45
Posts: 64,263
Thanks: 33,031
Thanked 36,674 Times in 22,746 Posts
Blog Entries: 23
Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xdiscretion View Post
pffft... uh huh!
master baiter
__________________
I'm mostly peace, love and light & a little go fuck yourself...
Just A Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Just A Girl For This Useful Post:
mgirl2011 (11-16-2012)
Old 11-16-2012, 11:45 AM   #5
Caddidlehopper
Bringing confusion to all
 
Caddidlehopper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Calgary
Age: 60
Posts: 17,460
Thanks: 1,990
Thanked 4,070 Times in 3,532 Posts
Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like
Default

I've had the whatever conversation which lead to the nothing Argument then carried over to the fine argument ending with the do what you want finish followed by hall way sex
(saying fuck you as you pass each other in the hall way )
__________________

Gee willickers
Caddidlehopper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-16-2012, 12:00 PM   #6
DomesticDiva
~*Concentrated Awesome*~
 
DomesticDiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: "In That WalMart Parkin' Lot"
Age: 42
Posts: 66,270
Thanks: 28,945
Thanked 17,143 Times in 11,411 Posts
Blog Entries: 30
DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like
Default

How bout' when a short blonde ankle biter comes a knockin?
__________________

~If you smash into something good, you should hold on until it's time to let go.~
DomesticDiva is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to DomesticDiva For This Useful Post:
Just A Girl (11-16-2012)
Old 11-16-2012, 12:11 PM   #7
tink062570
Sheena Queen of tartness
 
tink062570's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: in that spot right between the heart and soul ... NEVERLAND
Age: 48
Posts: 36,735
Thanks: 7,663
Thanked 7,422 Times in 5,669 Posts
Blog Entries: 49
tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like tink062570 Is God Like
Default

For me .. it really is when i say nothing .. be worried at that point ... and if you see the eye roll ..your fucked deal with it quickly
tink062570 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-16-2012, 12:17 PM   #8
billy383
Knotty
 
billy383's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: DE by the Sea
Age: 60
Posts: 16,793
Thanks: 4,944
Thanked 4,940 Times in 4,126 Posts
billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like billy383 Is God Like
Default

Seriously? *raised eyebrows*
__________________

I won't bite, TRUST ME!
billy383 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-16-2012, 12:36 PM   #9
Just A Girl
The Notorious J.A.G.
 
Just A Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Age: 45
Posts: 64,263
Thanks: 33,031
Thanked 36,674 Times in 22,746 Posts
Blog Entries: 23
Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like
Default

Anytime I follow with a "kthanx"....my house is on fire.
__________________
I'm mostly peace, love and light & a little go fuck yourself...
Just A Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Just A Girl For This Useful Post:
mgirl2011 (11-20-2012)
Old 11-16-2012, 12:39 PM   #10
DomesticDiva
~*Concentrated Awesome*~
 
DomesticDiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: "In That WalMart Parkin' Lot"
Age: 42
Posts: 66,270
Thanks: 28,945
Thanked 17,143 Times in 11,411 Posts
Blog Entries: 30
DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like DomesticDiva Is God Like
Default

hmmm here it's usually my glare followed by..."is there a problem?"

__________________

~If you smash into something good, you should hold on until it's time to let go.~
DomesticDiva is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 07:29 PM   #11
SirGary
Heart Breaker
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Age: 63
Posts: 818
Thanks: 66
Thanked 139 Times in 122 Posts
SirGary has disabled reputation
Cool

11. "Does this outfit make me look fat?"

Which means, you're not getting any tonight and further more, you are cooking your own dinner...
SirGary is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 07:30 PM   #12
artemis
irretrievable
 
artemis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: California
Age: 43
Posts: 25,724
Thanks: 13,466
Thanked 11,115 Times in 8,072 Posts
Blog Entries: 15
artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like artemis Is God Like
Default

commitment !
__________________
Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change ~ Stephen Hawking

artemis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 02:32 AM   #13
BellaLuna
IUCUNDITAS' SWEET GIRL
 
BellaLuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: in his heart...
Age: 49
Posts: 17,457
Thanks: 7,702
Thanked 4,797 Times in 3,978 Posts
BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like BellaLuna Is God Like
Default

Well since all you men should now have to vocab down, it should be relatively easy to make us happy, don't ya think...
__________________
Good girls go to heaven.... Bad girls bring heaven to you..
BellaLuna is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to BellaLuna For This Useful Post:
NaughtyAngel. (11-28-2012)
Old 11-20-2012, 09:06 AM   #14
Chrysalis.
Flirting Guest
I Love It Here
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Age: 52
Posts: 31,575
Thanks: 5,260
Thanked 8,909 Times in 6,216 Posts
Blog Entries: 10
Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like Chrysalis. Is God Like
Default

My personal favorite is whatever. I had no idea men thought it meant f you.
Chrysalis. is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Chrysalis. For This Useful Post:
gdgrl (11-28-2012)
Old 11-20-2012, 09:14 AM   #15
katydid
Lithium Rocks
 
katydid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Land of Possibilities
Age: 55
Posts: 56,519
Thanks: 24,022
Thanked 15,183 Times in 11,744 Posts
Blog Entries: 148
katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like katydid Is God Like
Default

"No. You're right. I can see you ARE right now. I was wrong."

You are such a fucking idiot I cannot believe they let you out of kindergarten
katydid is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to katydid For This Useful Post:
BlondieS (11-28-2012), countryliving (11-20-2012), PerusingPleasure (11-20-2012)
Old 11-20-2012, 09:45 AM   #16
countryliving
Flirting Guest
I Love It Here
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Age: 43
Posts: 2,209
Thanks: 1,090
Thanked 569 Times in 426 Posts
countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like countryliving Is God Like
Default

Excuse me??

It means did u really just say that!! U better take that back u freak!!
countryliving is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to countryliving For This Useful Post:
mgirl2011 (11-20-2012)
Old 11-20-2012, 12:20 PM   #17
msu
walls closing in.....
 
msu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Age: 51
Posts: 24,013
Thanks: 9,807
Thanked 6,598 Times in 5,544 Posts
Blog Entries: 1
msu Is God Like msu Is God Like msu Is God Like msu Is God Like msu Is God Like msu Is God Like msu Is God Like msu Is God Like msu Is God Like msu Is God Like msu Is God Like
Default

12) "Well? What do YOU think?!?"
__________________
msu is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to msu For This Useful Post:
Leilei (11-28-2012)
Old 11-20-2012, 01:57 PM   #18
Just A Girl
The Notorious J.A.G.
 
Just A Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Age: 45
Posts: 64,263
Thanks: 33,031
Thanked 36,674 Times in 22,746 Posts
Blog Entries: 23
Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like Just A Girl Is God Like
Default

Of course. This could mean a variety of things. But it usually means you're a dumbass
__________________
I'm mostly peace, love and light & a little go fuck yourself...
Just A Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-26-2012, 02:56 PM   #19
makemecrazy
.....
Flirting Is My Life :)
 
makemecrazy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: around the corner and down the street.
Age: 40
Posts: 1,739
Thanks: 399
Thanked 319 Times in 251 Posts
makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like makemecrazy Is God Like
Default

so you are finished? and that is how you plan to leave it?
makemecrazy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2012, 02:24 PM   #20
Dahlia
Je ne sais quoi
 
Dahlia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Wonderland
Age: 49
Posts: 9,980
Thanks: 1,914
Thanked 3,114 Times in 2,497 Posts
Blog Entries: 3
Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like Dahlia Is God Like
Default

What!!! Definitely a prelude to "I now have something to say"...
Dahlia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2012, 02:27 PM   #21
HopelessFlirt
Dull & Uninteresting
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Age: 49
Posts: 3,030
Thanks: 611
Thanked 693 Times in 488 Posts
Blog Entries: 1
HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like HopelessFlirt Is God Like
Default

I do
__________________
Coffee?

HopelessFlirt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2012, 02:58 PM   #22
Stew
Just playin
 
Stew's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Canada
Age: 52
Posts: 25,139
Thanks: 2,887
Thanked 7,406 Times in 5,577 Posts
Blog Entries: 5
Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like Stew Is God Like
Default

I'm fine.............
__________________
Caution........may be sarcastic..
Stew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2012, 03:00 PM   #23
MuchachitaSpice
**Unapproachable**
 
MuchachitaSpice's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 16,996
Thanks: 1,319
Thanked 4,061 Times in 2,516 Posts
Blog Entries: 45
MuchachitaSpice has disabled reputation
Default

Yeah, great job..
MuchachitaSpice is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2012, 03:00 PM   #24
.Cotties
Flirting Guest
I Love It Here
 
.Cotties's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Age: 44
Posts: 37,266
Thanks: 1,413
Thanked 5,684 Times in 4,376 Posts
Blog Entries: 4
.Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like .Cotties Is God Like
Default

whatever
.Cotties is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2012, 03:56 PM   #25
Caddidlehopper
Bringing confusion to all
 
Caddidlehopper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Calgary
Age: 60
Posts: 17,460
Thanks: 1,990
Thanked 4,070 Times in 3,532 Posts
Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like Caddidlehopper Is God Like
Default

Again?
__________________

Gee willickers
Caddidlehopper is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:34 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.