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Everyday Life For Married Couples A forum for couples to chat about your everyday married life. This would be a good place for women and men to get to know eachother.

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Old 04-18-2008, 11:56 PM   #26
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The story ended way before the nagging even started for sure
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Old 04-18-2008, 11:58 PM   #27
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That's right sista! Although...selective hearing can be used to our advantage remember. Honey...I told you yesterday just after 5pm that I was leaving for a week and yes, needed the credit card for a few necessities. Works for me!
LOL nice....high five!
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:01 AM   #28
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I need the advice of the more mature men on the forum, since they've all been in this situation, I'm sure. Ladies, feel free to give me your insight as well. Ok, here's the scenario.....

(Those of you who live in cities with red light cameras will appreciate this.)

You go out with your hubby, have a nice dinner out, walk a little in the gorgeous weather, have a good time. Then, coming home, on the same main road you've both lived near for years, you notice how fast he's going, you know he has drum brakes on his car, and you know how many green lights you can pretty much go through before you'll hit a red. It becomes second nature after years of driving, right?

You TELL your husband TWO blocks ahead of time that he needs to start slowing down, because the next red light he will hit is the one with the red light camera....and if he doesn't slow down now, he won't be able to stop for it.

Long story short.....I will soon be getting a ticket in the mail for $155, since this moron didn't LISTEN TO HIS WIFE LIKE HE'S SUPPOSED TO!

Tell me guys.....WHY on earth do men insist on ignoring what we tell them to do??? Especially when you've been with him since you're both 16 years old and this situation has played itself out in generally the same way every time for almost two decades???

I'm really surprised nobody has told you the truth ....

Go back and read your post again.

"You TELL your husband TWO blocks ahead of time that he needs to start slowing down...."

"this moron didn't LISTEN TO HIS WIFE LIKE HE'S SUPPOSED TO...."

"...ignoring what we tell them to do..."

I guess it's left to me to ask the question .... who the hell made you his boss? Do you always order him around like that?

No wonder he doesn't listen ... he'd like to salvage a little self respect, like to pretend he's a man, and that he is in control of his life. It's not that he isn't listening ... he's ignoring you.

I apologize if that sounds rough --- it's just how I see it --- but maybe, because I've been there.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:04 AM   #29
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I'm really surprised nobody has told you the truth ....

Go back and read your post again.

"You TELL your husband TWO blocks ahead of time that he needs to start slowing down...."

"this moron didn't LISTEN TO HIS WIFE LIKE HE'S SUPPOSED TO...."

"...ignoring what we tell them to do..."

I guess it's left to me to ask the question .... who the hell made you his boss? Do you always order him around like that?

No wonder he doesn't listen ... he'd like to salvage a little self respect, like to pretend he's a man, and that he is in control of his life. It's not that he isn't listening ... he's ignoring you.

I apologize if that sounds rough --- it's just how I see it --- but maybe, because I've been there.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:07 AM   #30
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Well done spare change, realizing that a lot of us still are there.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:16 AM   #31
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Ok, I never said I was his boss....you don't live in my house, so don't assume that.

What I said was that I told him that the red light with the camera was coming up. He had ample time to stop before going through it. If he had slowed down instead of speeding up, WE wouldn't have another ticket that WE can't afford to pay. Instead, he sped up at the last possible second, knowing that the camera was going to catch him, but hoping against all odds that he'd become the next NASCAR champion and be able to beat the light and not get a ticket.

OUR finances were affected by this burst of intelligence....but you're correct, next time I'll stay quiet and let him make his own decisions. Maybe he'll make the *right* one on his own.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:25 AM   #32
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Oh come on Spare If you her husband had told her to stop and she didnt he would feel the same way and she would never hear the end of it either.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:32 AM   #33
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Ok, I never said I was his boss....you don't live in my house, so don't assume that.

What I said was that I told him that the red light with the camera was coming up. He had ample time to stop before going through it. If he had slowed down instead of speeding up, WE wouldn't have another ticket that WE can't afford to pay. Instead, he sped up at the last possible second, knowing that the camera was going to catch him, but hoping against all odds that he'd become the next NASCAR champion and be able to beat the light and not get a ticket.

OUR finances were affected by this burst of intelligence....but you're correct, next time I'll stay quiet and let him make his own decisions. Maybe he'll make the *right* one on his own.
We all reserve the right to make incredibly stupid decisions .... hell, I even saw a woman do it once. And, of course, you have the right to review the impact of his incredibly stupid decision .... AFTER it happens.

Good luck.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:32 AM   #34
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Oh come on Spare If you her husband had told her to stop and she didnt he would feel the same way and she would never hear the end of it either.
Surely you jest.

The question wasn't decision review --- the question was why she thought she had the right to usurp his decision, why she thought she was in charge, even though he was the one driving.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:40 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by Krystal View Post
I need the advice of the more mature men on the forum, since they've all been in this situation, I'm sure. Ladies, feel free to give me your insight as well. Ok, here's the scenario.....

(Those of you who live in cities with red light cameras will appreciate this.)

You go out with your hubby, have a nice dinner out, walk a little in the gorgeous weather, have a good time. Then, coming home, on the same main road you've both lived near for years, you notice how fast he's going, you know he has drum brakes on his car, and you know how many green lights you can pretty much go through before you'll hit a red. It becomes second nature after years of driving, right?

You TELL your husband TWO blocks ahead of time that he needs to start slowing down, because the next red light he will hit is the one with the red light camera....and if he doesn't slow down now, he won't be able to stop for it.

Long story short.....I will soon be getting a ticket in the mail for $155, since this moron didn't LISTEN TO HIS WIFE LIKE HE'S SUPPOSED TO!

Tell me guys.....WHY on earth do men insist on ignoring what we tell them to do??? Especially when you've been with him since you're both 16 years old and this situation has played itself out in generally the same way every time for almost two decades???

If you re-read what I highlighted in red, you will answer your own question! When a woman TELLS a man to do something, we ignore it, plain and simple. Men HATE women who TELL them to do anything. Men are men and because of that, our pride (and stubbornness) will not allow a woman to TELL us what to do. There is nothing worst than a woman with an "I told you so" attitude... it will work against you every time. Us, men, on the other hand, feel it is our manifest destiny to tell everyone in our path what to do. We are born with that trait. We tell our spouse, friends, neighbors, kids, the paper boy, our own doctor, (you get the hint) and that makes us feel invincible. Just leave us be and let us have dope moments (giggle to yourself) and the world will be a better place.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:44 AM   #36
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We all reserve the right to make incredibly stupid decisions .... hell, I even saw a woman do it once. And, of course, you have the right to review the impact of his incredibly stupid decision .... AFTER it happens.

Good luck.
And I DID review the impact of it.....to him, repeatedly....and on here, where I vented about it, and may have called him some names because I was angry.

Men need to understand that all women want is to be heard. Men can show us that they are listening and they hear what we're saying by acknowledging what we are saying. Usually, this means doing things *our* way, even if they think their way is better. If they do things their way, then that means they didn't listen to what WE said. Men also need to understand that the nagging that they hate would stop....if they acknowledged what we said, the first time we said it, by doing what we asked. I understand it's a complicated process....but that's the way it is, lol.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:47 AM   #37
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so who is around to show the self respect too. there should be some common sense too. Expecially when it comes to driving and getting tickets.

My last one was driving in the Car Pool lane.... Yes I got the ticket and deserved it.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:48 AM   #38
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Whatever its not about her telling him what to do. Why cant couples ( and I am guilty of it too so dont jump my case) listen to each other and not assume everything being said is nagging or a put down or control thing. One day on our way to church my husband was diving and as we approched and intersection ( that we dive through several times a week for the last 17 years or so) he wasnt slowing down as quickly as he usually would. I said the light is red. He slammed on the breaks bec he was not paying attention and had almost ran the light. I wasnt nagging or trying to be the boss. I think after a while we view things so negatively that we have to prove our actions are best even when we know they are not. I am very guilty of not wanting to listen to his way of doing things. I for one need to remember there are more ways then mine to arrive at the same destination or decision or whatever. In a nut shell he acted out to make his point and it back fired what is the point in that. I am afraid in this case choosing to run the light was not safe or justifiable. Krystal has every right to be upset.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:51 AM   #39
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And I DID review the impact of it.....to him, repeatedly....and on here, where I vented about it, and may have called him some names because I was angry.

Men need to understand that all women want is to be heard. Men can show us that they are listening and they hear what we're saying by acknowledging what we are saying. Usually, this means doing things *our* way, even if they think their way is better. If they do things their way, then that means they didn't listen to what WE said. Men also need to understand that the nagging that they hate would stop....if they acknowledged what we said, the first time we said it, by doing what we asked. I understand it's a complicated process....but that's the way it is, lol.
Is this "hearing" someone, or obeying someone?
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:52 AM   #40
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Thank you four.


And thank you, tiger, for being man enough to admit when you're wrong. I wish there were more out there like you....especially the one I live with.
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Old 04-19-2008, 01:05 AM   #41
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Whatever its not about her telling him what to do. Why cant couples ( and I am guilty of it too so dont jump my case) listen to each other and not assume everything being said is nagging or a put down or control thing. One day on our way to church my husband was diving and as we approched and intersection ( that we dive through several times a week for the last 17 years or so) he wasnt slowing down as quickly as he usually would. I said the light is red. He slammed on the breaks bec he was not paying attention and had almost ran the light. I wasnt nagging or trying to be the boss. I think after a while we view things so negatively that we have to prove our actions are best even when we know they are not. I am very guilty of not wanting to listen to his way of doing things. I for one need to remember there are more ways then mine to arrive at the same destination or decision or whatever. In a nut shell he acted out to make his point and it back fired what is the point in that. I am afraid in this case choosing to run the light was not safe or justifiable. Krystal has every right to be upset.
The question was why men don't listen --- we don't listen because we get tired of hearing all the bitching and nagging. It's as simple as that .... you can dress it up any way you like, but it's just as simple as that. The cold fact is that there are several women out there who think they know better, that they are superior, and take every opportunity to display it. The only thing i can say is i left home a long time ago, and I don't need another mother telling me to put my little mittens on. I thought I married a partner, not a boss ... i suspect there are many other men who feel the same.
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Old 04-19-2008, 01:07 AM   #42
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Thank you four.


And thank you, tiger, for being man enough to admit when you're wrong. I wish there were more out there like you....especially the one I live with.
There's a big difference between admitting you were wrong, that you made a mistake, and displaying the blind obedience your post seems to indicate you desire. You didn't treat him like a partner ... you treated him like he was one of the kids.

Admitting you're wrong is no big deal ... submitting to a verbal castration is a different story.
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Old 04-19-2008, 01:19 AM   #43
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There's a big difference between admitting you were wrong, that you made a mistake, and displaying the blind obedience your post seems to indicate you desire. You didn't treat him like a partner ... you treated him like he was one of the kids.

Admitting you're wrong is no big deal ... submitting to a verbal castration is a different story.
Is it "submitting to verbal castration" to use your own brain, SEE the red light, and stop for it BEFORE you commit a traffic violation that you don't have the money to pay for? I think not. That's called DRIVING. If you can't do it correctly, get out of the driver's seat.

The facts are that I didn't set out to treat him like "one of the kids". He acted like one by averting the law and putting us both in danger. If we were killed by another car while running that red light, and I didn't tell him anything at all.....whose fault would it be? Mine or his? It wouldn't matter. We could both be dead due to his ignorance.

I don't speak just to hear myself speak. I told him to slow down for his own safety as well as mine. To ignore safety precautions, just to "prove that you're your own man" is stupid, plain and simple.

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Old 04-19-2008, 01:23 AM   #44
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I'd love him more if he wasn't overconfident to the tune of $155, lol.
really? or do you love having something to needle him about? and would you really love him is he did everything you suggested?
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Old 04-19-2008, 01:32 AM   #45
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really? or do you love having something to needle him about? and would you really love him is he did everything you suggested?
No, I was joking....I'd love him either way, but I'd love having to NOT needle him about things. I'd love it if he used his head first....without having to have me tell him. I shouldn't have to suggest anything at all. Certain things should just be obvious.
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Old 04-19-2008, 01:33 AM   #46
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I can't solemnly swear I can always be considered one of the "mature" ones (ask my wife), but I'll take a shot anyway.

I didn't take offense at the phrase "told him" to slow down; I know what you mean. We all "tell" our spouses what to do pretty regularly. We don't mean to belittle, we just "talk straight" instead of being careful like we would to a friend or co-worker. It's a byproduct of living together and learning to be yourself around that other person and expecting them to know what we mean and how we mean it by some supernatural sixth sense we expect our mates to have (note the inclusion of both sexes here).

To your actual question though: my wife and I have the same problem with telling each other how to drive (and you wouldn't believe the amount of time we spend in a car, we bought a car in august with 85K on it, now it has 127K). I honestly try to at least listen to her suggestions/comments/orders (insert the word you're comfortable with), but I admit I don't always comply. My reaction is significantly affected by her delivery. If she hollers "Don't get so close!" out of the blue, I grit my teeth and maybe ignore her. If she says "could you back off him a little" or "could you slow down a little", I'll probably apologize and do what she wants.

How did you approach him?

Sorry to be long winded.
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Old 04-19-2008, 01:36 AM   #47
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Men know what they are doing and don't want to look foolish in front of their women. Going fast is what men do to be cool. It is built in them. They have to do it. sometimes it costs us but we have to prove our manhood. That is just the way it goes.
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Old 04-19-2008, 01:38 AM   #48
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I love this one. I have been asking my husband for years, when are you going to listen to me. He kill me sometime, when we go anywhere farther then where we live, he will get lost and will not stop and ask for directions. I ask him, why, what is the deal, he says I know what I am doing. Ok, we still are not there yet. He also has the hardest time saying "I AM WRONG". Just three little word. How hard can it be. You gotta love em or else you'll strangel them.

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Old 04-19-2008, 01:39 AM   #49
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Originally Posted by Krystal View Post
No, I was joking....I'd love him either way, but I'd love having to NOT needle him about things. I'd love it if he used his head first....without having to have me tell him. I shouldn't have to suggest anything at all. Certain things should just be obvious.
Krystal, part of being a man is pushing our luck. It's what we do. It may sound nice to have someone who 'listens' or always does the safe/logical thing...but it's also very boring. Pushing a red light is a very tame way to let the urge out. Give him a little grief, laugh at it, and then let it go.
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Old 04-19-2008, 01:41 AM   #50
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Originally Posted by Constance-41 View Post
I love this one. I have been asking my husband for years, when are you going to listen to me. He kill me sometime, when we go anywhere farther then where we live, he will get lost and will not stop and ask for directions. I ask him, why, what is the deal, he says I know what I am doing. Ok, we still are not there yet. He also has the hardest time saying "I AM WRONG". Just three little word. How hard can it be. You gotta love em or else you'll strangel them.

now that's the part we have to learn if we're gonna take the chances.
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