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Old 06-24-2005, 02:59 PM   #1
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Default A good dirty joke

I heard this joke the other day and I will try not to butcher it to bad.

A man and woman are in a bar and they really are liking eachother. The woman is turned on by the fact the man is a fireman.. They decide they will go out to the car and fool around. She says they need ground rules first She said if she says 1st alarm then its ok to make out. If she yells 2nd alarm he can play with her tits and pussy. If she yells 3rd alarm that means she is hot and to fuck her really hard.

So now they are in the car and she yells 1st alarm and they start kissing and making out. A cpl mins later she yells 2nd alarm and the shirts come off and the grinding starts. When she yells 3rd alarm he climbs on top of her and fucks her just as hard as he can. All of a suddon she yells out 4th alarm. The guy says what the hell is 4th alarm? She said More Hose your no where near the fire
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Old 06-24-2005, 04:51 PM   #2
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Oh Brillant I have a barbi tommorrow night I,ll tell that to a few guests.
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Old 06-24-2005, 06:59 PM   #3
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quality joke !!!!!!!!! more wanted
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Old 06-24-2005, 08:42 PM   #4
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Thanks Penny,
It's always good to start the weekend off with a joke.
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Old 06-25-2005, 12:15 AM   #5
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Glad you liked it
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Old 07-02-2005, 08:52 AM   #6
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You all might of heard this one...it's kinda old, but here it is.


This guy ends up in jail for the first time...his cell mate is this big ugly dude and not real friendly but, the guy tries to talk to him.
They have some conversation and all of a sudden this big dude says "hey I gotta question for Ya...Since we're gonna be together for awhile I wanna know. Are you gonna be the husband or the wife"?
This guy gets nervous. He's heard about jail and what happens as far sex so, he thinks about it and decides I'd rather fuck than be fucked so, he blurts out "I think I'll be the husband"!

Well, the big dude gets a smile on his face and replied "Good than get over here and give your wife a blowjob"!

Last edited by illmakeurtoeswiggle; 07-02-2005 at 09:17 AM.
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Old 07-02-2005, 09:05 AM   #7
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I got another one...


These two neighbor guys are talkin in the garage at one of their houses. Talkin about hunting and the new rifles they both bought. Well, the guy pulls out his new rifle and it has this awesome high powered scope. He hands it to the other guy to check it out... the guys looking through it kinda suveying the neighborhood...he stops and says ..."Hey Joe, looks like you wife and the guy down the street are gettin real friendly"!

The other guy says..."What? Damn it, I told her to quit fucking around on me! That's the last time for that bitch! Hey Joe, That thing has two rounds in it see if you can shoot his dick off with one and then shoot her in the head with the other, will ya."

Joe kinda chuckles and says, "From the looks of it I can do it in one shot!"
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Old 07-02-2005, 09:16 AM   #8
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One more...


Ollie and Lena are gonna try oral sex for the first time since they have been married...which has been 20 years.

Old Lena gives Ollie a pretty fair blowjob and asks Ollie to reciprocate and give her a good lickin.

Old Ollie's just eatin away down there and poor Lena gets a bad case of gas...
"thwart!...I'm sorry Ollie...no reply...thwart!....I'm sorry Ollie...no reply..thwart! Ollie, I'm really sorry Lena says! Ollie takes a breather and says "that's OK Lena, just keep the fresh air a commin!"
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Old 07-02-2005, 03:39 PM   #9
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Default good joke

So what's your situation?
Are you looking too?
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Old 07-02-2005, 03:45 PM   #10
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LMAO btw welcome drsawdust
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Old 07-02-2005, 05:02 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drsawdust
So what's your situation?
Are you looking too?
Dunno...found it, now I'm not sure! But if the right woman pops up,
I might too!
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Old 07-02-2005, 06:07 PM   #12
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a nun is asking her class what is the first part of our body that enter heaven .one girl said our hands,nun said why?girl said because we raise our hands to god when we pray.nun said very good answer.a boy raises his hand and say legs go first,why? because the other night he went into his mom's bedroom and saw her legs up high and screaming OH GOD IAM COMING, and if it were not for dad to pin her down we would have lost her this night..
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Old 07-02-2005, 06:39 PM   #13
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This isn't a joke but a REAL funny story I heard on a radio station on the way to work...


There were these two gay guys and one of them had sent a gerbil(a little rodent/mouse type animal) up his buddie's ass through a toilet paper roll tube(guess they like the way it feels!)...
Anyway the the little gerbil wouldn't come out so, this dude gets the bright idea to light a match so that the gerbil will come toward the light!

Well...when he got it close to his buddie's ass the match ignited the toilet paper roll tube which in turn ignited a pocket of gas...the explosion sent the tube (now on fire) out his buddies ass and the gerbil right behind it directly into the dude's face. He ended up with third degree burns (mustache caught on fire) and a broken nose!

This was a true story reported by a local hospital employee...

When I heard this story I got this visual in my head and I had to pull over cause I was laughing so hard!
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Old 07-04-2005, 02:39 PM   #14
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Just thought of this one...

This young guy moves out to the country looking for some solitude and peace and quiet. Well, he's been out at his new place for about a month and things are gettin kinda boring so, he decides to take a drive down the road a mile or two to the neighbors house.

He pulls up and finds this old hillbillie sittin on his front porch whittling a piece of wood and chewing tobacco. They introduce themselves have some casual conversation and the old hillbillie says, "ya know it's good thang you cum by ".
The young guy replies, "Oh yeah, Why's that" Hillbillie says, "Well, we're gonna have a party tanight. There's gonna be some music...some dancin...some fightin, and some fuckin"!

The young guy says, Wow! I'm glad I stopped by too. What should I wear?" Old hillbillie says, "Don't matter, it's just gonna be you an me"!
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Old 07-04-2005, 04:52 PM   #15
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There was a woman from Leeds
Who sowed a packet of seeds
Blades of grass grew out of her arse
and out of her fanny weeds

Best I Can get it for now
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Old 07-04-2005, 07:10 PM   #16
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lol
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Old 07-08-2005, 07:32 PM   #17
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Ya gotta like this one!


A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that
they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through
the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich
wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it
anymore?"

She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers
down there!"

"Let me see" he said.

"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You
are! Better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut
butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken
sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said
"Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the
gizzards!!!
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Old 07-08-2005, 07:34 PM   #18
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thud
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Old 07-08-2005, 09:23 PM   #19
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Hey her is one.

This couple was about to go to sleep, when two intruders brake into the house. roughs them both up, ties them up and leaves them on the bed.

As they ransack the house, the husband wiggles over to his wife and says," Remember dear that I love you, these guys are armed and mean business, its best to give them what they want. If they want to have their way with you just let them. This way no one gets hurt and we will be ok. I love you, I know you can do it. Be strong for us." To which she replies, "Oh honey I am so relieved you feel that way, I just heard one guy tell the other what a nice ass you have. I love you too, be strong!".
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Marriage is like placing two rocks in a jar and shaking. Extremes increases the chances of breaking the jar, leaving both rocks scared; to little and there is nothing there, just right and they both become finely honed and polished, far more beautiful together then they where previously seperate.

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Old 07-09-2005, 09:04 AM   #20
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Good one, Eomer!
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Old 07-09-2005, 09:46 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eomer
Hey her is one.

This couple was about to go to sleep, when two intruders brake into the house. roughs them both up, ties them up and leaves them on the bed.

As they ransack the house, the husband wiggles over to his wife and says," Remember dear that I love you, these guys are armed and mean business, its best to give them what they want. If they want to have their way with you just let them. This way no one gets hurt and we will be ok. I love you, I know you can do it. Be strong for us." To which she replies, "Oh honey I am so relieved you feel that way, I just heard one guy tell the other what a nice ass you have. I love you too, be strong!".
Gives a new meaning to "breaking and entering"...
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Old 07-10-2005, 03:31 PM   #22
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yeah that's a good joke penny
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Old 07-10-2005, 03:45 PM   #23
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Eomer that was funny
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Old 08-05-2005, 02:51 PM   #24
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Like to read 'em...... or hear 'em....... but I can never remember 'em.
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Old 08-05-2005, 08:17 PM   #25
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Haha, those were great
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