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Old 09-20-2018, 07:04 PM   #1
ZoydW
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Not too long ago I posted rules for making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I thought it would be a fun thread to post the rules we have for making things, doing things (doing people, too), or any other activity we think should have rules. Here's my rules for making Martinis:

First off, it's not a Martini if it doesn't have vermouth; it's not enough to simply introduce the vermouth bottle to the gin bottle, you have to use some vermouth in the drink. You don't have to use a lot

The Martini can be shaken or stirred--doesn't matter, you James Bond fans out there. I prefer shaken, but in shaking, you have to approach the act the same way you'd approach shaking an infant supposing you've been paying attention to those don't shake your baby billboards that dot the rural Missouri countryside: shake gently. And if you intend to stir, certainly don't froth the thing up.

Now back to the vermouth: Pour some over the ice, shake or stir, then pour off any liquid. Just the vermouth that coats the ice is perfect.

Pearl onions, olives stuffed with pimento, with blue cheese, with anything: whatever floats your boat. Use more than one but fewer than four. Two is good. Three is opulent. Four is just plain excessive.

The Martini glass is necessary. It's classy, for one, and it's the basis for oh so many neon signs on seedy cocktail lounges. The tuxedo or the little black dress is optional. The Martini glass even adds some class to Bermuda shorts and flip-flops.

Oh, and if you make Martinis the size I make them, maybe you should make your phone difficult to find first so you're not making drunk calls to whatever person has a restraining order against you.
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Old 09-20-2018, 07:19 PM   #2
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I can get behind this.


A margarita has four ingredients: ice, tequila, lime, and orange liqueur. If you add a sour mix or salt or anything with a color in it, you might be making a drink you like, but it isn't a margarita.


The younger the tequila the better. This is one case where the expensive aged tequilas are worse. Win! I personally like Cazadores for a margarita.


The fresher the lime the better.


I like Gran Gala for the liqueur but Gran Marnier is the classic.


Add ice to a shaker and put 2 shots tequila, one shot gran gala, and an ounce of lime juice.


Shake the fuck out of it.


Coat the rim of a highball glass with lime oils from the zest then fill with ice.


Strain the margarita into it. It should be pale yellow and a little frothy.


Garnish with lime and sink into bliss.
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Old 09-20-2018, 09:17 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZoydW View Post
Not too long ago I posted rules for making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I thought it would be a fun thread to post the rules we have for making things, doing things (doing people, too), or any other activity we think should have rules. Here's my rules for making Martinis:

First off, it's not a Martini if it doesn't have vermouth; it's not enough to simply introduce the vermouth bottle to the gin bottle, you have to use some vermouth in the drink. You don't have to use a lot

The Martini can be shaken or stirred--doesn't matter, you James Bond fans out there. I prefer shaken, but in shaking, you have to approach the act the same way you'd approach shaking an infant supposing you've been paying attention to those don't shake your baby billboards that dot the rural Missouri countryside: shake gently. And if you intend to stir, certainly don't froth the thing up.

Now back to the vermouth: Pour some over the ice, shake or stir, then pour off any liquid. Just the vermouth that coats the ice is perfect.

Pearl onions, olives stuffed with pimento, with blue cheese, with anything: whatever floats your boat. Use more than one but fewer than four. Two is good. Three is opulent. Four is just plain excessive.

The Martini glass is necessary. It's classy, for one, and it's the basis for oh so many neon signs on seedy cocktail lounges. The tuxedo or the little black dress is optional. The Martini glass even adds some class to Bermuda shorts and flip-flops.

Oh, and if you make Martinis the size I make them, maybe you should make your phone difficult to find first so you're not making drunk calls to whatever person has a restraining order against you.
As a martini lover, I applaud this post. As for gins, I've become partial to Hendricks recently. It has the right combo of cucumber and conifer for me (whoever thought vodka would make a good martini?). I'm a shaken and 3 olive guy. I believe pearl onions make it a Gibson. Also, I like your ice coating for the vermouth. I've also tried coating the glass and pouring off the excess. Good stuff. I think I'll go make one right now!
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