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Old 03-27-2013, 10:08 AM   #51
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Well there seems to be a difference of opinion on what a dom male is. I was reading it as a guy who shackles his "slave" to the bedpost, makes her drink a cup of his urine and then expects her , when freed, to crawl after him while singing "beat it, or beat me" or both.

Now i see several women describing men who say, " this weekend I'm paying the bills, finally fixing that broken lamp, and dealing with my delusion that the lawn mower is possessed by the spirit of Yoda, and actually using it to cut the grass. You my dear are going to the spa for a massage and then into the gift shop to buy all the potions you want, and no argument about it..you better come home with an armful of fresh flowers or a cute basket of scented rose petals.

If that's the case, then dom me.
geez...I won't take the dog for a walk.....or pick up his poop....and you expect what exactly?
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Old 03-27-2013, 10:10 AM   #52
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Neither is correct jill.. and you know it.

I guess what I want is a masculine man, not a boss.

And I give respect and attention because i want to, not because I am in some sort of emotional contract. Even the fellow who posted about dom/sub admitted it doesn't last. What do you think Arab Spring is at heart all about?
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Old 03-27-2013, 10:11 AM   #53
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geez...I won't take the dog for a walk.....or pick up his poop....and you expect what exactly?
and i assume that means you won't take your woman for a walk on a leash either...you lazook!
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Old 03-27-2013, 10:26 AM   #54
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and i assume that means you won't take your woman for a walk on a leash either...you lazook!
I might blame my farts on you if we have visitors but thats about it...


here's a funny story on a subject people take far too seriously..

I once had a girlfriend who asked me to tie her up and spank her...besides me using my socks[ the romantic I am].....do people have any idea how hard it is to have sex with a girl doggy style with your hand throbbing in pain.

she's screaming again again...I'm thinking..fuck...I may have broken a bone in my hand...why does she want to hurt me like this

the lesson here is ...the ass is mightier than the hand...don't let these women trick you into something you only thought you wanted...they be smart like that
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Old 03-27-2013, 10:29 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by hijiller View Post
Well there seems to be a difference of opinion on what a dom male is. I was reading it as a guy who shackles his "slave" to the bedpost, makes her drink a cup of his urine and then expects her , when freed, to crawl after him while singing "beat it, or beat me" or both.

Now i see several women describing men who say, " this weekend I'm paying the bills, finally fixing that broken lamp, and dealing with my delusion that the lawn mower is possessed by the spirit of Yoda, and actually using it to cut the grass. You my dear are going to the spa for a massage and then into the gift shop to buy all the potions you want, and no argument about it..you better come home with an armful of fresh flowers or a cute basket of scented rose petals.

If that's the case, then dom me.
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I guess what I want is a masculine man, not a boss.

And I give respect and attention because i want to, not because I am in some sort of emotional contract. Even the fellow who posted about dom/sub admitted it doesn't last. What do you think Arab Spring is at heart all about?
I find it hard to believe that you have so little understanding of this, which makes your posts come across (to me, anyway) as judgmental. Just because it's not something you desire for you life....
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Old 03-27-2013, 10:44 AM   #56
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I might blame my farts on you if we have visitors but thats about it...


here's a funny story on a subject people take far too seriously..

I once had a girlfriend who asked me to tie her up and spank her...besides me using my socks[ the romantic I am].....do people have any idea how hard it is to have sex with a girl doggy style with your hand throbbing in pain.

she's screaming again again...I'm thinking..fuck...I may have broken a bone in my hand...why does she want to hurt me like this

the lesson here is ...the ass is mightier than the hand...don't let these women trick you into something you only thought you wanted...they be smart like that

I think i sprained a laugh muscle..omg..

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Old 03-27-2013, 10:54 AM   #57
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I find it hard to believe that you have so little understanding of this, which makes your posts come across (to me, anyway) as judgmental. Just because it's not something you desire for you life....

well, i thought this was a discussion..and the OP pointed out that only 5% of the people who are into D/S have a truly dedicated relationship like he had. So that leaves 95% wide open territory.

and to be totally honest, I admit I do find his description hard to swallow, so to speak, but a guy who is confident and takes the lead is aces with me. I will gladly sit in the car while he shovels us out of the mud, and gladly make him my dynamite guacamole and feed it to him while he watches March Madness.
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Old 03-27-2013, 11:02 AM   #58
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I was in an online D/s relationship and learned a bit about the lifestyle, albeit it wasn't a "real" experience, I grew to appreciate it. The more I learned about the dynamics of a true D/s relationship, the more I wanted to explore it, for real. Then I read a book about it, and there was a section that talked about Master having his slave sit on the floor at his feet, sometimes crawling to him.....now I don't know if that truly is part of it, but it was the only part that I couldn't/wouldn't do. The love and trust that this couple experienced though, was incredible....but the most fascinating thing about it, was that the sub actually held the most power....despite the fact that she had a Master.
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Old 03-27-2013, 11:06 AM   #59
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I was in an online D/s relationship and learned a but about the lifestyle, albeit it wasn't a "real" experience, I grew to appreciate it. The more I learned about the dynamics of a true D/s relationship, the more I wanted to explore it, for real. Then I read a book about it, and there was a section that talked about Master having his slave sit on the floor at his feet, sometimes crawling to him.....now I don't know if that truly is part of it, but it was the only part that I couldn't/wouldn't do. The love and trust that this couple experienced though, was incredible....but the most fascinating thing about it, was that the sub actually held the most power....despite the fact that she had a Master.

great comment..if the master is truly taking care of everything, he must be exhausted. I think I see what you mean by the sub being the most powerful. If you have someone tending to all life's concerns, and you agree on how he is handling them, then that should be a peaceful household, for sure.
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Old 03-27-2013, 11:16 AM   #60
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Jill you are not discussing. You are intentionally being antagonizing of this subject. I for one am really bothered that you insist on turning this into something it is not. You refuse to just accept it's not for you and leave it alone. You're trying to turn it into a farce.. a comedy.. a circus act.

You might amuse your boytoy.. but i for one am not amused.. you show little to no respect to Jabbuk.
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Old 03-27-2013, 11:30 AM   #61
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It isn't for everyone. And it isn't just men who are dominant. There are also Dommes and Mistresses in the lifestyle...and submissive men. Again, I think the way it is pigeonholed in badly written novels and movies and then made into some kind of psychosis in episodes of SVU skews perception. I was talking with my former Sir last night, and we were discussing things we both learned and appreciated about each other; he was asking about my self-imposed writing deadlines and giving me a good kickinthepants to stay on course. He is one of the best friends I have ever had, and I learned to embrace my womanhood and desires in ways I never imagined during our time together.

It could be that jill is more wired to be a Domme than a submissive and so of course the idea of submitting is not appealing. The one time hub decided to venture into kink, he asked ME to tie HIM up and "get rough"....and I just couldn't. It made me...feel ill.
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Old 03-27-2013, 11:38 AM   #62
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I do have to say that if my only image of D/s M/s was someone chained to a bed drinking urine....I'd run for the hills and take with me everyone I could. The first time I read the list of all the various "kinks" on fetlife I about had a stroke lol. But there are as many variations as there are people.

When Sir and I went through a phase of exploring possible play partners (because of the geography between us)...I taled VERY briefly with an "experienced Dom and trainer" close to my area. Within 24 hours he was sending me messages calling me slut, bitch, various names for excrement, and telling me to get into the restroom, put my finger into a certain orifice, and eat my own sh**......yeah, I basically told him what he could do with my sh**. There are some bizzarro people out there. But there are bizzarro whack jobs in non D/s relationships too. A man or woman has to use their brain and know themselves.

Personal relationship and sexuality and such are very intimate topics, so it's understandable they could get passionate and heated.
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Old 03-27-2013, 11:50 AM   #63
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I do have to say that if my only image of D/s M/s was someone chained to a bed drinking urine....I'd run for the hills and take with me everyone I could. The first time I read the list of all the various "kinks" on fetlife I about had a stroke lol. But there are as many variations as there are people.

When Sir and I went through a phase of exploring possible play partners (because of the geography between us)...I taled VERY briefly with an "experienced Dom and trainer" close to my area. Within 24 hours he was sending me messages calling me slut, bitch, various names for excrement, and telling me to get into the restroom, put my finger into a certain orifice, and eat my own sh**......yeah, I basically told him what he could do with my sh**. There are some bizzarro people out there. But there are bizzarro whack jobs in non D/s relationships too. A man or woman has to use their brain and know themselves.

Personal relationship and sexuality and such are very intimate topics, so it's understandable they could get passionate and heated.

thank you...you are truly objective and honest. and your point about whack jobs being in all kinds of relationships is well taken. I can understand why some men don't like independent women, and as one, i can understand why sometimes it's great if someone else does the planning and shows the way. But 24/7 of either is what I find hard to grasp.

Someone who gets sexually aroused by calling another human degrading names is, unfortunately, the rep of the bdsm/ds genre even if not all are like that. And that's what I was responding to.

He's the boss goes back a long ways, tho. The Irish have a tee shirt ...you may have seen it. It says

HIMSELF
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Old 03-27-2013, 12:11 PM   #64
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Us Irish peoples rock even if we don't always agree
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Old 03-27-2013, 12:29 PM   #65
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Us Irish peoples rock even if we don't always agree
yes, and this thread for all opinions. if it is too sensitive, it should be in the sanctuary where disagreement is not allowed.
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Old 03-27-2013, 12:31 PM   #66
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yes, and this thread for all opinions. if it is too sensitive, it should be in the sanctuary where disagreement is not allowed.
Actually if it isn't up for individual opinion it should be put in someone's blog!
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Old 03-27-2013, 01:16 PM   #67
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Exactly! Im angry most of the time in my marriage because of this.I need him to stand up to me and take the lead! I don't want it.Its more than just about what happens in the bedroom and yes its something I need not just something I want.This fool cant even plan a fukn night out when we have date nights,he makes me decide on every little detail and it sucks!!Its hard to enjoy something when I already know where and what we will be doing.Boring!!!
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Old 03-27-2013, 01:18 PM   #68
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This has been an excellent post, thanks to all for sharing your thoughts.
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Old 03-27-2013, 05:36 PM   #69
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It isn't for everyone. And it isn't just men who are dominant. There are also Dommes and Mistresses in the lifestyle...and submissive men. Again, I think the way it is pigeonholed in badly written novels and movies and then made into some kind of psychosis in episodes of SVU skews perception. I was talking with my former Sir last night, and we were discussing things we both learned and appreciated about each other; he was asking about my self-imposed writing deadlines and giving me a good kickinthepants to stay on course. He is one of the best friends I have ever had, and I learned to embrace my womanhood and desires in ways I never imagined during our time together.

It could be that jill is more wired to be a Domme than a submissive and so of course the idea of submitting is not appealing. The one time hub decided to venture into kink, he asked ME to tie HIM up and "get rough"....and I just couldn't. It made me...feel ill.
thank you for not judging me for expressing my thoughts on a topic which was in an open forum. I couldn't be a master or a slave..i am into the equality mode, but recognize that in every relationship people have their roles.

And also thanks for explaining your definition of a master, and not taking personally that others don't know the whole deal. Unless I address a post to someone directly, as I am now, there is no reason anyone should be personally offended since i was not talking to anyone in particular.

To be honest, the first time i ever heard of modern, real life dom/sub was the OP's story. I had always thought it was a sex game and that no one lived 24/7 like that willingly. If the original poster was offended, he hasn't said so to me..i think he threw it out there for discussion, and that's what he got.

And you are quite gracious and informative.
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Old 03-27-2013, 05:48 PM   #70
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Hijiller,

I totally respect your opinion but when you keep tossing out things that have nothing to do with what Jabbuk has posted and you intentionally twist and mock the D/s lifestyle, that is not an opinion.. discussing is when you ask questions if you don't understand, you throw out there what you really think and in return you get feedback.. what I saw, was that you wanted to make a mockery of the entire thing, to me it seemed you were laughing at something you didn't understand instead of trying to understand it.. you took something that is beautiful between two people of similar lifestyles choices and you turned it into something ugly, cruel, and completely obliterated what Jabbuk had posted about..

You are a very smart lady, I have had a lot of respect for you but this, today, was something I never thought you capable of.. I honestly felt like you were posting stuff just to get some of your friends to laugh, and to irritate others.. You are not stupid and I know you know better than how you portrayed yourself, at least to me..

I was not offended but I was stumped as to why you chose this thread to make your point.. if you didn't understand why make fun of it instead of ask questions? Jabbuk would gladly have answered anything but you chose to laugh it off instead, now I do know that some people do that, some who can't handle that there is something like this out there.. but you are not that type, I have never considered you to be one to judge people for being different.. and I do believe you have done that.. I honestly believe you have twisted everything in this thread on purpose.. what that is I have no clue..

Now I know that there are a few who posted in here all about it who are clueless.. they think it's a game.. they think it's all about sex.. they think it's all about not having to make decisions.. they just don't get it.. and they never will..

But you.. I shake my head because I never expected this from you.. I'm still stumped..
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Old 03-27-2013, 06:00 PM   #71
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I admit to laying and looking into his eyes letting him make decisions of what he will do and I follow. That isn't necessarily submissive.. but slave?? I couldnt do that and follow all the rules.. Nice post
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Old 03-27-2013, 07:44 PM   #72
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There were times with Sir when he had an opinion or was not pleased with something or even gave a direction that I had a problem with....and we discussed it. And when he was wrong, he apologized. I couldn't be with a man who was always right...period..world without end amen. In my opinion, that is not a Dom or Master....that is a delusional narcissist lol. But I know people who really do give over everything no questions asked. I know submissives who act like brats on purpose because they want a spanking (which grates on me to no end, but hey, that's their thing). Bratty subs always made me want to roll my eyes....but then I am a big fan of protocol - probably all that southern belle training
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Old 03-27-2013, 08:10 PM   #73
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hijiller,

You are correct, I am not averse to differing opinions and I've been interested by what a number of people here have had to say. I'm disappointed you choose not to believe my definition of my relationship, but that is your decision to make.

As for the 95%, you are also correct, there is a lot of room out there for abuse, stupidity and mistaking the relationship for sex when that isn't what it is about. You were closer with your shoveling the mud analogy than you realize. I'll just give you three rules my slave had when we went out, perhaps that will give you insight into the respect involved.

1. She could not get in or out of the car until I opened the door.
2. She could not go in or out of a building until I opened the door. (And yes, she went through first)
3. She could not sit down in a restaurant until I pulled her chair out for her.

Obviously there was much more, but please do not mistake the relationship for lack of respect for each other, and alas, yes it's true, the sub/slave usually has most of the power only because the Dominant/Master has the job of taking care of her, so most decisions go her way. -laughing-
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Old 03-27-2013, 09:37 PM   #74
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From my little knowledge, I would venture a guess and say there is probably more respect and thought given to the other person in a "D/s" relationship than in most others. Just my opinion, of course.
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Old 03-27-2013, 09:43 PM   #75
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jabbuk View Post
hijiller,

You are correct, I am not averse to differing opinions and I've been interested by what a number of people here have had to say. I'm disappointed you choose not to believe my definition of my relationship, but that is your decision to make.

As for the 95%, you are also correct, there is a lot of room out there for abuse, stupidity and mistaking the relationship for sex when that isn't what it is about. You were closer with your shoveling the mud analogy than you realize. I'll just give you three rules my slave had when we went out, perhaps that will give you insight into the respect involved.

1. She could not get in or out of the car until I opened the door.
2. She could not go in or out of a building until I opened the door. (And yes, she went through first)
3. She could not sit down in a restaurant until I pulled her chair out for her.

Obviously there was much more, but please do not mistake the relationship for lack of respect for each other, and alas, yes it's true, the sub/slave usually has most of the power only because the Dominant/Master has the job of taking care of her, so most decisions go her way. -laughing-

Classy response. Where do you stand on emptying the dishwasher? That seems to be the North and South Korea around here.

Thanks for sharing. And now go rest!

Last edited by hijiller; 03-27-2013 at 09:45 PM.
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