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Old 01-19-2018, 12:17 PM   #2151
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A little girl was complaining to her mom about her stomach hurting. Mom said "well honey it's hurting because you have to put something on it."
Dad comes home that night and says "man, my head hurts" to which the daughter replies "that's because you've gotta put something in it."
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Old 01-22-2018, 04:12 PM   #2152
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my dog will only take commands in Spanish

he's Espanyol
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Old 02-24-2018, 10:44 AM   #2153
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Did you hear about the indian that drank too much tea?
He drowned in his teepee!
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Old 03-25-2018, 01:39 PM   #2154
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A cab driver picked up a nun. She got into the cab, and noticed that the VERY handsome cab driver wouldn’t stop staring at her.
She asked him why he was staring. He replied: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answered, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

“Well, let’s see what we can do about that: No. 1, you have to be single, and No. 2, you must be Catholic,” she responded.

The cab driver, very excited, said, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK,” the nun said. “Pull into the next alley.”

The nun fulfilled his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they got back on the road, the cab driver started crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “Why are you crying?”

“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun said, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a costume party.”
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Old 03-31-2018, 08:32 PM   #2155
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Her: What time is your dentist appointment?
Me: Tooth thirty
Bwahahahaha
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Old 03-31-2018, 08:59 PM   #2156
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Did you know the toothbrush was invented by a West Virginia hillbilly?

Yep, that's why they're called a toothbrush rather than a "teeth-brush".
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Old 04-03-2018, 08:30 PM   #2157
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What did the frog say to his girlfriend?
Rubit Rubit!
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Old 04-29-2018, 11:06 AM   #2158
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Why did the chicken go to the seance?

...To get to the other side!
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Old 04-30-2018, 05:38 PM   #2159
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I told my psychiatrist I keep hearing voices in my head.
He told me I don't have a psychiatrist...
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Old 05-06-2018, 11:17 PM   #2160
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Spring is here.
I'm so excited I wet my plants!
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Old 05-06-2018, 11:52 PM   #2161
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Don't you hate it when someone answers their own question? I do.
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Old 05-06-2018, 11:55 PM   #2162
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PMS jokes are not funny or appropriate. Period!
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Old 05-16-2018, 07:10 PM   #2163
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Two electric windmills are standing in a field.
One turns to the other and asks what kind of music it likes?
The second one replies " I'm a huge metal fan".
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Old 05-17-2018, 06:54 PM   #2164
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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence!
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Old 08-27-2018, 12:00 AM   #2165
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What does a pirate say when he turns eighty?


Ayyye, matey!
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Old 11-23-2018, 10:10 PM   #2166
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The nurse at the sperm bank asked a donor if he'd like to masturbate in the cup.

The donor replied: "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."
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Old 11-24-2018, 05:25 AM   #2167
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed,


I never knew they worked.
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Old 11-30-2018, 07:03 PM   #2168
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A 3-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. He asked his mother, “Are these my brains?”
“Not, yet.” his mother replied.
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