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Old 03-30-2010, 02:03 PM   #1
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Default Rude Rhymes

I have always had a great love of limericks and over here we also have a tradition of, shall we say, bawdy songs after rugby games. i thought it might be fun to let some of the creative types entertain us with some poetry.

Points will be awarded for wit and creativity...

Here is one I have always loved but didn't write:-

The was a young lady from Hitchin,
Who was scratching herself in the kitchen,
Her mother said "Rose,
It's the crabs I suppose"

She said "Yes, and the buggers are itchin'!"


Your turn....
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:21 PM   #2
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There once was a plumber called rdy
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea
She said "Stop your plumbing
I think someones coming"
Said rdy, still plumbing "It's me"


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Old 03-30-2010, 02:23 PM   #3
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This should be a good thread!!
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:32 PM   #4
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In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
With his hands on the loins of his madam
He smiled with myrth
For he knew that on Earth
There were only two balls and he had 'em
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:41 PM   #5
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Mr Happy... Loveit and never heard it before either to 'hats off!' and thank you for your verse too Freshly... I'm immortalised now!
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:48 PM   #6
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There once was a man from Nantucket
Who stuck his D1ck in a socket
His wife was a bitch
She turned on the switch
And his D1ck flew off like a rocket
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:53 PM   #7
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LOL, rdy. I was hoping for some Nantucket limericks. They do seem to be classics.
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:53 PM   #8
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We all know of a site to Flirt
A few take it further and Squirt
Someone asked me if I had ever
I lied and said never
I may have done it to the point it hurt
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:55 PM   #9
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Shawn.. you have been blue balled thank you!!
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:55 PM   #10
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Hickory dickroy Dock
I was cuisin holdin my jock
At a quarter to 2
I blew my Goo
And dropped her off at the next block
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:58 PM   #11
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There was a young man from Gent
Whose willy was exceedingly bent
To save him some trouble
He put it in double
and instead of coming he went!
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:11 PM   #12
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in days of old when knights were bold
and condoms not yet invented,
they wrapped a sock around their cock
thats how babies were prevented
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:14 PM   #13
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Default

The sexual life of the camel,
Is stranger than anyone thinks,
At the height of the mating season,
It tries to bugger the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior orifice,
Is blocked by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And Sphinx's inscrutable smile.
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:27 PM   #14
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Since I know it is coming
therefore I preemptive attack
Lass I thought you had it covered
But really you just wanted to hump my back

I am surprised to say the least
The news certainly came as a shock
But I'll ask you again nicely
Would you please get off of my jock!
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:29 PM   #15
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I'll make this up as I go along
I DON'T want to see barkiss in a thong
He acts like I do
Like it is so true
But we all know it would be so wrong!
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:33 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lass View Post
I'll make this up as I go along
I DON'T want to see barkiss in a thong
He acts like I do
Like it is so true
But we all know it would be so wrong!
The last bit of clothing that you allow me to wear
Removing my thongs is really more than I wish to share
However I know how persuasive you can be Lass
So please look at the moon and KISS MY ASS!!!
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:36 PM   #17
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As a sports fan things can give ya downs
Maybe make ya move to other towns
Drafting first from year to year
Make many a poor sap shed a tear
This is the lowly life of the Cleveland Browns
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:37 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkiss View Post
The last bit of clothing that you allow me to wear
Removing my thongs is really more than I wish to share
However I know how persuasive you can be Lass
So please look at the moon and KISS MY ASS!!!

Have you lost your mind?
Do you want me to go blind?
The things we share
Don't involve you being bare!
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:40 PM   #19
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Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:42 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lass View Post
Have you lost your mind?
Do you want me to go blind?
The things we share
Don't involve you being bare!
Based on your poem, we know this not to be true
IF there is one thing you want, it's for me to be in the nude
We are close, so I really don't feel like dumping
But damn girl I'm getting sore from all your dry humping
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Old 03-31-2010, 05:23 AM   #21
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A circus midget named Pitts
Was subject to passionate fits;
But his pleasure in life,
Was to suck off his wife
While he swung, by his knees, from her tits.
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Old 03-31-2010, 05:37 AM   #22
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This is a famous old Rugby Song and if you like it let me know cos it goes on for age!!

The Ball Of Kirriemuir

Four and twenty virgins,
Came down from Inverness,
And when the ball was over
There were four and twenty less.

The elders of the kirk arrived
And were surprised to see
Four-and-twenty maidenheads
Hanging from a tree

Four and twenty whores,
Came up from Glockamore,
And when the ball was over
They were all of them double bore.

The village plumber he was there,
He felt an awful fool,
He'd come eleven leagues or more
And forgot to bring his tool.

There was fucking in the hallways,
And fucking in the ricks,
You couldn't hear the music
For the swishing of the pricks.

They were fucking in the Barley.
They were fucking in the oats.
Some were fucking sheep,
but most were fucking goats.

There was fucking in the kitchen,
And fucking in the halls,
You couldn't hear the music for
The clanging of the balls.

There was fucking in the parlor,
And fucking on the stairs,
You couldn't see the carpet
For the mass of public hairs.

I put my head upon her lap,
and she put hers in mine.
We sucked a bit and blowed a bit
and that's called sixty-nine.
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Old 04-17-2010, 01:00 PM   #23
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There was young man from Devizes
Whose balls were of different sizes.
The one was so small it was no ball at all,
but the other one won several prizes.
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Old 04-17-2010, 01:08 PM   #24
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Old Mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
Rover took over
& gave her a bone of his own
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Old 04-17-2010, 07:45 PM   #25
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there once was a lady from decator
she was laid by a big alligator
no one knew the results of that screw
because after he laid her he ate her
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