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Junk Drawer If you have nothing constructive to say then this is the place to say it. Happy Birthdays would fit well here.

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Old 12-17-2014, 10:54 AM   #1
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Default 'Twas The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night befor Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Woa Shithead, woa Asshole, woa Stupid, woa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jockies, to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile"
He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several more things I shouldn't even mention.
A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home, Rudolf. This night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it out!!"
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:00 AM   #2
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'Twas the night before Christmas, I cannot find my shoe.

I went looking in the bathroom, caught my Mom sniffing glue.
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:01 AM   #3
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'Twas the night before Christmas, I cannot find my shoe.

I went looking in the bathroom, caught my Mom sniffing glue.
She asked me so clearly..when down on her knees

I said "youre so rude!"..you didnt say please


I can see some fun to be had with this
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:04 AM   #4
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My Dad came home late, he was out with a whore...

And then what do hear? The repo man's at the door.
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:05 AM   #5
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She asked me so clearly..when down on her knees

I said "youre so rude!"..you didnt say please


I can see some fun to be had with this
I whipped out my wanker, it fell out quite quickly

She stumbled and teetered, her face looked so sickly
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:09 AM   #6
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She said "Wait a minute..I just need a sniff

So I looked in the mirror..and straightened my Quiff
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:11 AM   #7
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We bought Christmas goodies, candy by the dozen.

I'll be down for dinner later, I'm busy kissing my cousin.
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:13 AM   #8
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She reached for my willy and wiped her red nose,
wouldn't you know she blew chunks on my toes
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:15 AM   #9
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She coughed and she spluttered..and wiped up her mess
And told me quite clearly to put on her dress
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:16 AM   #10
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I think you three missed you true calling in life...
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:16 AM   #11
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These words, I admit, were heard with a shock
When sober she hardly would share her worst smock
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:17 AM   #12
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I think you three missed you true calling in life...

excuuuuuuuuuse me

geniuses at work here
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:17 AM   #13
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The dress was bright blue...I felt the need to dance.

Hold on, let me adjust these crotchless underpants.
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:18 AM   #14
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I fumbled and bumbled right out in the hall
But still managed to trap a big hairy ball
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:20 AM   #15
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I tripped over presents and wreaths and nut logs
when out came my Mom in a tshirt and clogs
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:21 AM   #16
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I tripped over presents and wreaths and nut logs
when out came my Mom in a tshirt and clogs



Genius!
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:22 AM   #17
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I stood all agog..and looked through the window

Mom?..is that you?..I thought it was Vlinder?
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:25 AM   #18
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It could be it could be it could be, of course!

The topless dutch riding sidesaddle on a horse!
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:27 AM   #19
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And to my surprise a knock on the door
Could it be the 3 men so wise
They came bearing presents for the night
Condoms and play toys it was quite the sight
Her eyes lit up her wishes came true
Her sexual desires by more than just two
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:29 AM   #20
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Less of the Dutch girl..and back to your mom

These clogs?..tell me more..where did they come from?
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:30 AM   #21
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Seems like E has gotten in on the story
Shall we all show her our morning glory?
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:33 AM   #22
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Let's show her some things that'll make her eyes tear

Balls and canes made just for her rear
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:35 AM   #23
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I brought all the leather the whips and the cuffs

Think that this pile is quite enough?
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:39 AM   #24
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Less of the Dutch girl..and back to your mom

These clogs?..tell me more..where did they come from?
Mom has breasts that migrate like geese
Year after year they move nearer her feets
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:40 AM   #25
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Thats pretty good that you gave me this kicker
Next year Ill buy her a pair of tit knickers
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