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Old 09-15-2008, 10:04 AM   #1
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Default Reasons Women have affairs

We have a thread for the guys to tell us why......ladies, it's your turn.

If you've had an affair....or are seriously contemplating one.....why?

What prompted you to make that decision? Was there a "straw that broke the camel's back", so to speak? Or, was it just something you woke up one day and decided that you needed something extra in your life?
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Old 09-15-2008, 10:18 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Krystal View Post
We have a thread for the guys to tell us why......ladies, it's your turn.

If you've had an affair....or are seriously contemplating one.....why?

What prompted you to make that decision? Was there a "straw that broke the camel's back", so to speak? Or, was it just something you woke up one day and decided that you needed something extra in your life?
l

Although I have had my share of wild times in the past, I have always been a faithful person. I like belonging to and with a man. I like being part of a couple.

That being said, there is absolutely no love or affection left in my marriage. I have tried for the last couple of years, and gotten no where. I am not respected, loved, cherished, or cared about. Hell, it's been years since I even got a compliment. And our sex life is awful....we don't even bother anymore. He does not hold me, kiss me, touch me, or even open his eyes. Does not care if I get any enjoyment from it..luckily it is over in a matter of a minute or two. I am left feeling empty, used, alone. He never notices the tears running down my face. Why we don't have sex anymore.

My kids do not want us to split up, because I have mentioned divorce to them...so here I am.

Those are just some of the reasons I am open to having an affair. But not just for sex....to be cared about, respected, loved, and cherished by someone...my heart would have to be involved, and it would have to be with a man who truly cares about me.
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:16 AM   #3
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The only reason I would have an affair is if I had very deep feelings for another man......love.

Anytime in my past when I was single I would never cheat on someone I was dating, I would always end my relationship before starting a new one. When I was married I never felt anything for another man other than my husband. To this day I would do the same unless.......I fell in love and the other person was also married. That's where it gets complicated.

Should I hurt someone deeply to ease my guilt or continue on as is and try to keep everyone happy? SIGH
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Old 09-15-2008, 07:20 PM   #4
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An interesting study came out last week saying that between 40 to 70 % of all people in relationships cheat. Affairs come about because of something lacking in the relationship....be it emotional or physical.
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Old 09-15-2008, 07:30 PM   #5
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I guess if I ever cheated it would be because of feeling lonely, neglected, and completely unappreciated by my husband. I don't know, it's not something I've ever done. It's not something I would do just "for the hell of it", but more out of hopelessness.
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Old 09-15-2008, 09:31 PM   #6
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For me, let me start out by saying that in the 8 years of my marriage, the hubby and I have slept in separate beds for the past 6.. we have separate checking accounts and separate friends... I have tried many many times to keep my marriage together but I cant do it alone.. And when alcohol plays a big part in your marriage, that doesnt help also.. If he doesnt have his nightly dose, it can get pretty crazy around here..

As for sex, that was a joke.. I have heard all the excuses as to "why" he cant or wont have sex with me.. It has gotten so bad until I had gotten to the point to where I really thought that the problem was me.. Am I too fat? Do I repulse him? What did I do to deserve this..

In the 8 years of my marriage I have been 100% faithful, up until about 3 months ago... For the past year, Ive thought about it but never could find anyone that I connected with... I was def not looking for love.. more of companionship, someone I could talk to, relate to... But to my surprise and luck.. I found the most amazing guy in the whole world.. He fulfills ALL MY WANTS, NEEDS AND DESIRES... and the best part of it, we are more than just sex partners.. we are friends.. we talk, communicate, cry, support each other, and most of all, trust each other.. I dont know what i would do without him!!

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Old 09-15-2008, 10:11 PM   #7
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...

Those are just some of the reasons I am open to having an affair. But not just for sex....to be cared about, respected, loved, and cherished by someone...my heart would have to be involved, and it would have to be with a man who truly cares about me.
Part of the fun of M&F is feeling like I'm wanted again.
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Old 09-15-2008, 10:22 PM   #8
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Becasue i an lacking affection and can find it elsewhere. Too manyyears of nothing. Iam at the "Pointofnoreturn"
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Old 09-15-2008, 10:25 PM   #9
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An interesting study came out last week saying that between 40 to 70 % of all people in relationships cheat. Affairs come about because of something lacking in the relationship....be it emotional or physical.

i read that...for it was just boredom......he never wanted to try something new......him on top me on bottom..20 sec later he was done.....what a life....
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Old 09-15-2008, 10:53 PM   #10
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For me it was different reasons at different times. When I first got married, I had to deal with the loss of my mother three months after my wedding. I was 22. I was lost, I felt alone, he was young and missed my mother as much as I did, so he really wasn't the "rock" that I needed. I got to talking to a coworker....he suggested 'hanging out' after work. I laugh now, because it was literally a "five night stand". We hung out a few times, then I switched jobs.

I was okay for a while, good marriage, good sex life....then a few years later, met another coworker....who showed an interest. (He was as interested in oral sex as I was, LOL.) For a good year or more, we'd drive to pick up lunch together....funny though, we never slept together....never even discussed it. Oral was our thing, and we enjoyed it. That ended when I started working for him and his wife, LOL.

A few years ago, I gave my husband the ultimatum to either start showing interest, or I'd stop. I was chatting online in a chatroom at the time....met a guy who I clicked with. We ended up meeting and having a r/l relationship for four years. I fell hard for him.

We ended it as friends....and I recently met a guy on ashleymadison.com that works near me. He's sweet, funny, hot....and things are going well so far. He provides that spark that I don't get at home anymore.
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:04 PM   #11
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We have been married for 17 years. I begged him to find a different line of work so he could be home with me and the kids more. We could do things together...raise our kids etc..... He never listened and found ways of putting me down, making me feel stupid and worthless to the point I did not want to live anymore. I had an affair about a year ago and figured out others could really care about me. It was liberating! Now I don't really want an affair I just want him to be gone. Then a friend with benefits would be good enough.
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:08 PM   #12
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We have been married for 17 years. I begged him to find a different line of work so he could be home with me and the kids more. We could do things together...raise our kids etc..... He never listened and found ways of putting me down, making me feel stupid and worthless to the point I did not want to live anymore. I had an affair about a year ago and figured out others could really care about me. It was liberating! Now I don't really want an affair I just want him to be gone. Then a friend with benefits would be good enough.

I hope that you know now there are lots of us here who also care as your online buddies, and we want you to live and experience life for a long, long time!
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Old 09-16-2008, 09:22 AM   #13
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i did it because i was made to feel unloved, unappreciated, unattractive, lonely and unheard. i tried to talk to my husband but he tried to talk me out of feeling the way i did and made me feel stupid for feeling that way...if that makes sense. i didn't do it just to be doing it. i found somebody who made me feel good..i think thats what was missing.
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Old 09-16-2008, 09:42 AM   #14
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Part of the fun of M&F is feeling like I'm wanted again.
Me too. When I first came to the site my self-esteem was so low I thought no one would even talk to me, much less show an interest in me. This was from years of being put down, neglected, blamed, worthless, ugly, etc.. Even though it is over the Internet, it makes me feel that someone finds me worthwhile....which is much more that I get from my husband...that maybe I have some value to someone after all...
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Old 09-16-2008, 09:53 AM   #15
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Because everyone wants to feel wanted. If u don't feel that way at home then u r going to look for it elsewhere.
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Old 09-18-2008, 02:33 PM   #16
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as a male i appreciate the insight, I dont talk down to her, tell her shes fat, skinny,ugly, etc.i do need to support her more than i should and with me working overnights, im not in bed with her. Thank u ladies for pointing out things.
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Old 09-18-2008, 02:35 PM   #17
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Cuz we're just damn horny?
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Old 09-18-2008, 03:06 PM   #18
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Need to connect ?
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Old 09-18-2008, 06:34 PM   #19
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Because guys like me stop trying to romance and seduce her and make her feel like she's just a glorified house maid and sex toy. We only try on very special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays...whereas the lover she is having an affair with treats her like she is a princess and lavishes her every time with attention and tenderness. At least I hope that's what she is getting...otherwise why bother...

On the other hand...will the Don Juan be there when she gets a life-shattering medical diagnosis? will he be there in the emergency room with her all night and keep her in good spirit when she can't feel her legs?

Do you know a man who has been able to be both the dependable husband and the romantic lover for more than a year or two?
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:57 PM   #20
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Cuz we're just damn horny?

Hey horny is a good reason
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Old 12-04-2008, 07:29 PM   #21
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Because guys like me stop trying to romance and seduce her and make her feel like she's just a glorified house maid and sex toy. We only try on very special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays...whereas the lover she is having an affair with treats her like she is a princess and lavishes her every time with attention and tenderness. At least I hope that's what she is getting...otherwise why bother...

On the other hand...will the Don Juan be there when she gets a life-shattering medical diagnosis? will he be there in the emergency room with her all night and keep her in good spirit when she can't feel her legs?

Do you know a man who has been able to be both the dependable husband and the romantic lover for more than a year or two?

Excellent points - but it doesn't change the fact that we (men and women) still want it all.
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Old 12-04-2008, 07:36 PM   #22
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Because of the desire, the passion, the excitement of a lover hell women want it all too!!!!
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Old 12-04-2008, 08:12 PM   #23
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Sorry for being a guy giving his two cents, but here goes...

I think many of the reasons are the same man or woman. Woman have the same desires and needs as a man does, though a man, IMHO have a lower threshold of following through on the desire and will take action and make a connection.

To stay in a relationship just for the kids is not a great reason to stay. Kids are like sponges, they look at the interaction of the parents and think that is the way two people who love each other should interact with each other.

When they grow up, where have they learned how a relationship works? At home. Life is short, if you are going to stay in that relationship, at least make yourself happy, don't be a doormat. Find a friend that will make you feel like a sexy woman or hot man again.

Fortunately I am in a relationship where we speak and have a great time together, the reason I am here is that she is way more conservative than I am when it comes to openness of relationships. I would love to see her with another man, gets me excited just thinking about it.

I am hoping that one day she will make the turn and dive into the pool and we can share with other couples, until then I believe Life is short and I will flirt and connect with other sexy people.
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Old 12-04-2008, 09:03 PM   #24
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Because of the desire, the passion, the excitement of a lover hell women want it all too!!!!

Then there is hope I may someday pet this KITTY!
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Old 12-04-2008, 09:26 PM   #25
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Because they feel something is missing.....
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