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Old 03-17-2009, 07:29 PM   #1
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Default Is online/phone EVER enough?

I'd venture to say that there are several here that have pretty significant relationships with others and these relationships are carried out via chatting online and possibly over the phone.

My question is - is that EVER enough? How do you handle the desire to meet? Do you plan on meeting?

Would like to hear some opinions.....
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Old 03-17-2009, 07:45 PM   #2
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Nice thread! Ok, Im curious what others say about this as well...
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Old 03-17-2009, 07:45 PM   #3
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I will say I have met someone from online.. it didn't last.. was it worth it? maybe.. for me it is an experience I will never forget, and who knows how the guy felt.. I would not encourage it.. not at all... I have heard of a few experiences that didn't turn out too well at all... and I have heard of meetings that turned out great... I will also say that there is one man I would love to have met... even if just to have lunch with him.. and I am glad we did not... or I would feel horribly guilty to this day...
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Old 03-17-2009, 08:01 PM   #4
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I think it depends on what the parameters of the relationship are. There are some who will never meet. Some are content and have an understanding that it will never go any farther than what it is. Others have the desire to meet but do not have the means. For me and OIC, meeting was a must. He just had the means to help this happen. For us, it would have never been enough to just hear a voice or view a text or e-mail. Once we met, in person, we knew we would find a way to be together.
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Old 03-17-2009, 08:18 PM   #5
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ahhh....well, I have met from the online start.
I would say this, talk a lot before meeting and the first meeting or even two meetings should be to get to know this person face to face and see if its worth going the next step. I wouldn,t exchange to much info until you have a good bit of comfort.
One of my online friends was ok but I didnt have that comfort for some reason (hard to explain) but the other one is still active and we are like best of friends.....just dont know were the other deal would have ended up but I had a feeling something didnt add up.
So yes it works but be careful, pretty much common sence type stuff.
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Old 03-17-2009, 08:47 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catmom View Post
My question is - is that EVER enough? How do you handle the desire to meet? Do you plan on meeting?
Would like to hear some opinions.....
I think if you're married or having an on-line relationship with someone who is in a marriage, then you have to know the limits, know the boundaries and have no expectations for them to leave their marriage. A lot of us are here because of boredom or/and we have issues in our marriage/relationship that are causing us stress or we don't know how to solve the problem...most people are not planning to leave their marriage.

Knowing someone is not going to leave their spouse for you, should always be at the top of your head...it is a reality. If you really like someone take what you have with them and cherish it, don't ruin it or their marriage by encouraging them to leave their marriage...Meeting them in real life may only cause you heartache because you cant really have them. Just cherish what you have and know it cant be anything more.
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Old 03-18-2009, 03:15 AM   #7
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I think if you're married or having an on-line relationship with someone who is in a marriage, then you have to know the limits, know the boundaries and have no expectations for them to leave their marriage. A lot of us are here because of boredom or/and we have issues in our marriage/relationship that are causing us stress or we don't know how to solve the problem...most people are not planning to leave their marriage.

Knowing someone is not going to leave their spouse for you, should always be at the top of your head...it is a reality. If you really like someone take what you have with them and cherish it, don't ruin it or their marriage by encouraging them to leave their marriage...Meeting them in real life may only cause you heartache because you cant really have them. Just cherish what you have and know it cant be anything more.
I don't understand how it went from meeting to someone leaving someone else... when I met that one man I knew he would never leave his wife.. and I didn't want that.. the one man I did want to meet that I would have felt guilty about... I am sure something would have happened between us... that is why I would have felt guilty.. because I knew how he felt about that..

but the question was not about having someone leave someone else.. although this is a very valid point.. the question was... would you meet.. have you.. and is online enough?
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Old 03-18-2009, 07:02 AM   #8
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Ok I'll give you my 2cents.

I have met some men from this very site. Yes they are married and we are still friends. One of them, we went all the way, I care for him deeply but I know that he belongs to another and he is not willing to leave and that is fine, I get it, but we are great friends and we are there for each other.
The other man, we knew from before I got there that there would not be any hanky panky and that was fine too, we are really good friends and we still chat whenever he catches a moment alone.
Now I don't say that all meetings are great..there's a lot of disappointments too, but that is life.

I have since been chatting with a man from a dating site, we met back in Nov 2008 and its been fantastic since. He hates to drive and I love it so...every 2 months or so I rent a car and drive to see him. The relationship is mostly via MSN chat and the phone. We are getting to know each other real well and we will see what happens.
Oh btw...I'm single now and so is my b/f.

Hope this helps you a little!!


Oh online/phone is definately NOT enough, for me!
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Old 03-18-2009, 08:07 AM   #9
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Sometimes it has to be enough
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Old 03-18-2009, 08:18 AM   #10
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summed up very nicely
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Old 03-18-2009, 08:41 AM   #11
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I don't understand how it went from meeting to someone leaving someone else... when I met that one man I knew he would never leave his wife.. and I didn't want that.. the one man I did want to meet that I would have felt guilty about... I am sure something would have happened between us... that is why I would have felt guilty.. because I knew how he felt about that..

but the question was not about having someone leave someone else.. although this is a very valid point.. the question was... would you meet.. have you.. and is online enough?
Well said Scoobie
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Old 03-18-2009, 02:33 PM   #12
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Like anything else in life you can be sorry for what you can't have, or greatful for what you can. Sometimes it just hurts not to be able to touch or smell him...

BUT I try and be happy that I met him...the things I've learned from knowing him, how I've grown as a person because of how I feel for him and how much he makes me laugh. I'm better from all of it than before I met him, so matter what happens....I'm glad I've known him.
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Old 03-18-2009, 02:40 PM   #13
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This is a good topic.....

I have yet to met anyone here in real life. I have met a few from Ashley Madison, it didnt go great. I think many of us have the thought how exciting it is to meet someone new who wants to be with you. Then all of a sudden reality comes crashing down that you are still married, and be carefull.

I think both people have to know what the expectations are before you meet, so nobody gets hurt.

If two people are in same boat, and just want a special FWB situation, I think it can work? I hope so, but havent tried it yet.

It reminds me of the old movie, Same Time Next Year.
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Old 03-18-2009, 03:15 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catmom View Post
I'd venture to say that there are several here that have pretty significant relationships with others and these relationships are carried out via chatting online and possibly over the phone.

My question is - is that EVER enough? How do you handle the desire to meet? Do you plan on meeting?

Would like to hear some opinions.....
I think for many, there were pre-established parameters on just how far one would go, just how out of control we would let ourselves be. I sometimes wonder if the carrot of actually meeting would help a relationship blossom, or actually hinder it in some way. We all have things we may not want exposed to ANYONE, or maybe you finally conect with another sould and feel the urge to bare all.

To answer you question "Is it ever enough" .. I think just like in any relation ship when one person wants more than the other is willing to give there is going to be a conflict born that may not be solved. As long as the two know where they are I would think it would be enough..... I may be one of the few that views this site as a Married and Flirting site vs. a hook up site.

To me thats probably all it will ever be, with that being said there are several (men and women) I would just LOVE to spend a night out with .. dinner drinks and laughs on just a friend level... though that fantasy is most likely impossible its still one that puts a "We would all get tossed out on our arses before closing time " smirk on my face.
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Old 03-18-2009, 03:30 PM   #15
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I agree that this is a flirting site but sometimes things happen that are out of your control. Sometimes you believe that talking on the phone and IM'ing will be enough. Then for whatever reason you get to the point where you want to meet... I had no intention on meeting anyone but then something happened. I couldn't NOT meet him. I felt like I knew him better than anyone else in my life, I also felt that he knew me better than anyone else simply because we started online with words as opposed to the physical attraction. It was an attraction of the minds which is so important (at least for me). So I can't say if there is ever a time where talking and not meeting are enough. It was enough for me for a little while but life changes. Feelings change, desires change, expectations change. Luckily we keep open communication and let each other know where we stand regularly because things have changed over the past year for us. I don't think we would have made it this far if we were not open and honest with eachother and that means letting the other know when we want to "change the rules".
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Old 03-18-2009, 03:54 PM   #16
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Chatting online can be enough for some but not others. Does it really matter though? The keys are open communication and respect, no matter the venue. If someone feels a strong urge to meet, and the other just see this place as a fun escape, why should either feel compelled to do what the other wishes in a respectful relationship. Sure, ask the question "Hey, wanna meet?" if you are curious. If the other person says yes, good for both of you...if they say no, well, respect that boundary and do not take it so personal. The person on the other end may be hideous and a total liar, so you may just get more than you bargained for if you ever do meet in real life.
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:02 PM   #17
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I've met someone from online as well. It was well worth it, but we both realized that we needed different things and we went our own ways.

As for now, I think online would have to do. Would it be enough? Not always, they need for human contact is great and to talk about it can sometimes be more frustrating.
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Old 03-18-2009, 05:21 PM   #18
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I agree that this is a flirting site but sometimes things happen that are out of your control. Sometimes you believe that talking on the phone and IM'ing will be enough. Then for whatever reason you get to the point where you want to meet... I had no intention on meeting anyone but then something happened. I couldn't NOT meet him. I felt like I knew him better than anyone else in my life, I also felt that he knew me better than anyone else simply because we started online with words as opposed to the physical attraction. It was an attraction of the minds which is so important (at least for me). So I can't say if there is ever a time where talking and not meeting are enough. It was enough for me for a little while but life changes. Feelings change, desires change, expectations change. Luckily we keep open communication and let each other know where we stand regularly because things have changed over the past year for us. I don't think we would have made it this far if we were not open and honest with eachother and that means letting the other know when we want to "change the rules".
I think PA hits on an interesting dynamic in that it gets started in not a physical but mental way. This combined with the fact, that at this site, it is a "safe" environment to meet ppl in a way you otherwise couldn't.

I haven't met somebody here yet, but it could be exciting. Danger always is...
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Old 03-18-2009, 07:42 PM   #19
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I don't understand how it went from meeting to someone leaving someone else... when I met that one man I knew he would never leave his wife.. and I didn't want that.. the one man I did want to meet that I would have felt guilty about... I am sure something would have happened between us... that is why I would have felt guilty.. because I knew how he felt about that..

but the question was not about having someone leave someone else.. although this is a very valid point.. the question was... would you meet.. have you.. and is online enough?
You're right scoob the question was... would you meet.. have you.. and is online enough?

I took the extreem on purpose, because I've seen many people hurt and/or marriages breakup so often in real life (5 couples) due to on-line relationships. Enough sometimes is never enough for someone who is hurting and looking to feel better about themselves.

Whether someone is single or married when they are having difficult issues within their life or feeling lonely or not having enough sex or the bond between spouses/partners is becoming weak or/and boring...(so many reasons) we tend to turn to someone who understand us, who wont judged us, who is able to comforts us or is just there as a friend...we're drawn to what we think want or what feels good or what makes us feel better. We get too close to someone, our emotions and feelings become confused or too strong toward another person...we walk into trouble.

Meeting someone on-line, or the phone or emailing feels harmless and in a lot of cases it is...most of us know where the line is...but for few when emotions and desires fight to control their world, they don't always see the big picture...and nothing is enough...emailing/sexting, becomes talking on the phone and then that is not enough, so lets meet just for coffee...then of course that is just not enough...

Like I said earlier if someone has a special on-line relationship...enjoy it for what it is, cherish this friendship...because wanting more with a married person is asking for a heartbreak...both of your families can be destroyed. We have to know in our head that the majority of the people in here are NOT looking to end their marriage so wanting more then on-line is like sticking your hand into a bee hive without any protection.
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Old 03-18-2009, 07:50 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Sneaky View Post
Like anything else in life you can be sorry for what you can't have, or greatful for what you can. Sometimes it just hurts not to be able to touch or smell him...

BUT I try and be happy that I met him...the things I've learned from knowing him, how I've grown as a person because of how I feel for him and how much he makes me laugh. I'm better from all of it than before I met him, so matter what happens....I'm glad I've known him.
Sneaky that's what I'm talking about, you cherish what you have in your friendship. You know the difference between what you may have and knowing and accepting what you cant have...where the line has to be drawn...you accept and take it as is it but still find the beauty and joy in it.
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Old 03-18-2009, 08:48 PM   #21
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[color=darkorange]Like anything else in life you can be sorry for what you can't have, or greatful for what you can. Sometimes it just hurts not to be able to touch or smell him...[/COLOR]
COLOR][/font][/b]

See.....I've been telling everyone my stuff smells like ROSES all along!! I'm synonomous with Rose Petals and Cherry Blossoms with everything that I do







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Old 03-18-2009, 08:50 PM   #22
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I have nmet a couple of guys on line. Did I need to???Yes..I wanted to feel in person what we talked about. Am I sorry????NEVER!!!
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Old 03-18-2009, 08:51 PM   #23
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See.....I've been telling everyone my stuff smells like ROSES all along!! I'm synonomous with Rose Petals and Cherry Blossoms with everything that I do







So, you are the new secret Summer's Eve fragrance...I was wondering what those commercials are all about.
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Old 03-18-2009, 09:12 PM   #24
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That's a hard one.
I think it CAN be enough.
I think it can be wonderful and fufulling and exciting, but just as relationships in the real world change and morph and grow so can online romances.
Both for good and for bad.
What was once "enough" may not be "enough" 18 months down the road. I think open and honest communication and respect for each other are key.
If one wants to meet they should be able to honestly share that desire with their online other and also be respectful if that online other isn't ready for that or may never be.
The relationship will grow and blossom and change or shrivel and die away just like in real life.
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Old 03-18-2009, 09:20 PM   #25
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Im finally going to weigh in...

It really depends on the relationship between two people. They set their boundaries and they can change or not, so for some friendships Ive had online, im was enough, pm was enough, and emails were enough, and I have met a couple of men from online because it wasnt enough and it was fully discussed before hand where we stood in our lives and with each other..I've been lucky, neither harmed me and to this day are still good friends, one was platonic and the other wasnt. Both were married and no one, including me, felt the need to leave their spouse, although I can see where passion can grow and that can become an issue, if allowed to be one. I dont allow it, but my point is, honesty is the best policy in any relationship and communication of boundaries is key. Some I wanted to meet, and some I didnt, so to answer the thread.....yes it can be enough and no I wanted more and so did he...
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