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Junk Drawer If you have nothing constructive to say then this is the place to say it. Happy Birthdays would fit well here.

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Old 08-26-2008, 08:07 PM   #1
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Default Dear diary.....

Dear Diary,

Day 1
We just celebrated our wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he
says,and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.

Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Something must change soon.

Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his "problem". It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,
things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this
will work. I replaced his Prozac Pills with the Viagra Pills, hoping
to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5
What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6
Isn't life wonderful. But it's difficult to write while he's
exercising his new found MANHOOD.

Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper.He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice -- I don't think I've ever been so happy.

Day 8
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of
mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I'm also getting a bit sore.

Day 9
No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much And
to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Jack Daniels whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....

Day 11
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black
and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete PIG.

Day 12
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous...

Day 13
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to
bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops,
sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bastard.

Day 14
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
started dressing like a Nun, but this just seems to make him hornier.
Help me!

Day 15
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I
sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go screw himself and he did.

Day 16
The bastard has started to complain about not getting enough. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any
difference...Christ! Here he comes again!

Day 18
Aaaahhhh! He's back on Prozac. The lazy bastard just sits there in
front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and
expects me to do everything for him.

What absolute bliss!
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:06 PM   #2
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Default Dear Diary...

Dear Diary,

Today is a fresh start, clean slate, and a new beginning for me. After years of being an avid fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, I have seen the light thanks to the careful nurturing of a dear friend and the smartest person I know, JustAGirl.

After yesterday’s humiliating loss, I had to seriously re-evaluate my position and I am proudly declaring my support to the greatest team ever, the Chicago Bears.

But here are a few things I’d rather do than ever cheer for the Philadelphia Eagles ever again.

1. Watch a movie marathon on Lifetime.
2. Give myself a creamy, hot facial.
3. Taking my bi-weekly bath.
4. Getting the best seats in the house for Stars on Ice.
5. Practicing my dance moves for the next Solid Gold dancers try-outs.

That’s all I have time for today. More tomorrow….

Love,
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:08 PM   #3
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You're welcome
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:09 PM   #4
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wow...you lost a bet to a woman and didn't have to violate all laws of decency as a result?! I didn't think this was possible!
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:10 PM   #5
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wow...you lost a bet to a woman and didn't have to violate all laws of decency as a result?! I didn't think this was possible!
The week's not over yet
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:12 PM   #6
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The week's not over yet
let's hope not!! the problem you are going to have is in trying to get an Eagles fan to embarrass himself even further than just being an Eagles fan.
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:12 PM   #7
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wow...you lost a bet to a woman and didn't have to violate all laws of decency as a result?! I didn't think this was possible!
Any words of advice Tom?
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:13 PM   #8
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let's hope not!! the problem you are going to have is in trying to get an Eagles fan to embarrass himself even further than just being an Eagles fan.
I know....I'm struggling....I was going to have him write an apology letter to Michael Irvin....but I don't think that's humiliating enough

I'll consult you and Ginger later for ideas
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:14 PM   #9
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let's hope not!! the problem you are going to have is in trying to get an Eagles fan to embarrass himself even further than just being an Eagles fan.
Oh yeah, kick a guy while he's down. Thanks
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:16 PM   #10
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Oh yeah, kick a guy while he's down. Thanks
don't worry bro...Bears are playing my Pats in a couple of weeks, so we'll have our revenge
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:18 PM   #11
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don't worry bro...Bears are playing my Pats in a couple of weeks, so we'll have our revenge
I hope so...I might want to get in on a little piece of that action.
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:22 PM   #12
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don't worry bro...Bears are playing my Pats in a couple of weeks, so we'll have our revenge
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I hope so...I might want to get in on a little piece of that action.
Slayer wants part of Tom's action?!

that might be slightly more embarrassing than being an Eagle's fan.
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:24 PM   #13
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Slayer wants part of Tom's action?!

that might be slightly more embarrassing than being an Eagle's fan.
Just walk away Ginger. Can't you see this is between me and my diary?
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:29 PM   #14
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Oh I dunno....being an Eagles fan is embarassing enough.

I'm not afraid of the Pats.....bring it meat!
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:38 PM   #15
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Oh I dunno....being an Eagles fan is embarassing enough.

I'm not afraid of the Pats.....bring it meat!
yeah really.....even my BROWNS beat the Pats!!!
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:53 PM   #16
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yeah really.....even my BROWNS beat the Pats!!!
it's kind of like how teams aren't used to the mile high air when they go to Denver...teams go to Cleveland and the air is permeated with the stench of years of losing...teams unaccustomed to losing like the Pats are at a disadvantage.
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Old 11-29-2010, 01:56 PM   #17
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it's kind of like how teams aren't used to the mile high air when they go to Denver...teams go to Cleveland and the air is permeated with the stench of years of losing...teams unaccustomed to losing like the Pats are at a disadvantage.

whatever works!
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Old 11-29-2010, 02:22 PM   #18
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I was going to be gentle...now that I see what a lippy lil bugger you're being, I think I'm going to go for the gusto
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Old 11-29-2010, 02:32 PM   #19
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Dear Diary~

He said he loved me more than anything in the world. He said I was his forever true love. We were to spend the rest of our lives together.

He left me.

I will never love again,

Katy
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Old 11-29-2010, 02:32 PM   #20
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just on a side note...my kids watch some show on Nick...I guess it features a platypus, so they were singing this platypus song the other day. I nearly choked.
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Old 11-29-2010, 02:37 PM   #21
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just on a side note...my kids watch some show on Nick...I guess it features a platypus, so they were singing this platypus song the other day. I nearly choked.

Did you tell them how much you love platypussies??
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Old 11-29-2010, 02:39 PM   #22
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Did you tell them how much you love platypussies??

i popped my earbuds in and set my mp3 player to 'Stun'
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Old 11-29-2010, 03:07 PM   #23
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Dear Diary,

Today is a fresh start, clean slate, and a new beginning for me. After years of being an avid fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, I have seen the light thanks to the careful nurturing of a dear friend and the smartest person I know, JustAGirl.

After yesterday’s humiliating loss, I had to seriously re-evaluate my position and I am proudly declaring my support to the greatest team ever, the Chicago Bears.

But here are a few things I’d rather do than ever cheer for the Philadelphia Eagles ever again.

1. Watch a movie marathon on Lifetime.
2. Give myself a creamy, hot facial.
3. Taking my bi-weekly bath.
4. Getting the best seats in the house for Stars on Ice.
5. Practicing my dance moves for the next Solid Gold dancers try-outs.

That’s all I have time for today. More tomorrow….

Love,
Slayer

OMG!!!!! That has to suck Slayer...........gotta say though, who the hell would have thunk they could win? LOL..............Sry JAG....
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Old 11-29-2010, 03:12 PM   #24
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OMG!!!!! That has to suck Slayer...........gotta say though, who the hell would have thunk they could win? LOL..............Sry JAG....
Tell me about it dude...Cutler for Christ sakes! Thank God for wags though...she's showing me the way. Is it Friday yet?
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Old 11-29-2010, 03:43 PM   #25
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OMG!!!!! That has to suck Slayer...........gotta say though, who the hell would have thunk they could win? LOL..............Sry JAG....
STEW!!! You just shut your whore mouth and go back to work!!

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Tell me about it dude...Cutler for Christ sakes! Thank God for wags though...she's showing me the way. Is it Friday yet?
I'm always more than willing to show you the error of your ways. Oh...just incase you were wondering...Cutler was 14/21, 247 yds, 4 TDs, No interceptions.

If I'm not mistaken...we got Vick the Dogslayer's only interception this year...just sayin'

You really should thank me...maybe tomorrow...
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