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Everyday Life For Married Couples A forum for couples to chat about your everyday married life. This would be a good place for women and men to get to know eachother.

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Old 07-27-2008, 11:32 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Constance-41 View Post
I can tell you from watching my best friend and seeing what she goes through with a controlling husband. She is unhappy, feels trapped and does not have a life at home. She can not enjoy her kids or her friends and not even her own mother without having to go threw arguments for even talking to them. It is so sad that another person can be so worried about someones life and treat them like they have no worth, that they can't see what they are doing to their own family. If he would open his eyes and see what he is doing, his own life would be so much better. Is wife and children would love and respect him so much more.
I never understood people who think they need to control there spouses or friends. A relationship is a friendship built upon trust. If they think they can't trust a person why are they in that relationship. To me this is probably insecurity in themselves.
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Old 07-27-2008, 11:44 PM   #27
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My husband and I treat each other very well and give each other space when needed. We have mutual friends and our own set of friends.

Last edited by nurse.hottie; 07-27-2008 at 11:45 PM. Reason: spellin error
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Old 07-28-2008, 11:38 AM   #28
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My hubby can be really controlling. But in a really sweet, manipulative way. Sometimes I don't even think he realizes that he does it. He wants to know my every moment, thought, conversation. When I get off the phone he will ask who I was talking to, what was said, blah blah. But he does it like he is really interested, so it is confusing.

He is working on it, and trying to stop, and unfortunately, it takes me being a total bitch sometimes and just saying, I NEED SPACE! And it hurts his feelings.

It used to be the exact opposite, I was the needy and clingy one. But then I got over it, and got my own life, and he freaked out.

*sigh*

I'd love to know how others have dealt with it.
wow... after reading this I have to wonder if my wife is the female version of your husband. She is also very controlling in a real sweet & manipulative way. Frustrating isn't it?

We pretty much share the same group of friends now, it was just easier then explaining or bickering about why I wanted to go out with my friends without her.
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Old 07-28-2008, 01:43 PM   #29
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My hubby has always been controlling but I actually never realized it until the last 2 years. Now that i see it I can also see he has been doing it all along. Every time I became friends with someone he would constantly tell me how they were not good enough to be my friend and he would point out all their flaws. I would typically discount them but then if the friend ever made a huge mistake he uses it to try and turn me away from that person. See, i am very forgiving and try to be very understanding and when someone hurts me I let them know but then I has it out with them and afterwards i forget about how they "did me wrong". I guess this is because I know I do things wrong and I don't want people to hold it against me forever.

So, since I couldn't have any friends in RL without him figuring out a way they were not worth my time or friendship, I came here. I have found several people that I like to talk to and it has been working until recently. Now I have been putting in 55 hour days with my work, which means I am on the computer that amount of time and then a few hours here and there for personal things, such as chatting with my friends. He doesn't know bout this site but he knows I have friends online that I talk with. Now all I hear is how my friendship with ANYONE online is just plain stupid. How can you know those people, why would you be telling them anything... Even if it is a female he hates it... I had one of my female friends talking to me on the phone about my Brother and the custody situation I have on my hands and he got PISSED saying why are you telling anyone our family business? Why can't he understand I have to have people to talk to?

My husband has threatened to kill himself if I ever leave in the past but not recently. I assume the reason he hasn't threatened it recently is because when he did I got extremely Pissed at him. He KNOWS I don't tolerate suicide threats but at the same time I am effected by them because I have dealt with suicide and it is very difficult! so I am sure he knows that it still plays in my mind. And he takes advantage of it. Now he just throws out things that show or imply his depressed state.

Why can't I just worry about me? Why do I let him get away with it especially when i can see what he is doing? I do love him but I am NOT in love with him anymore. Why can't I tell him that? Why do I take it all on myself and not let him know what he is doing? We had a long talk over the weekend and I told him some of the things he has been doing (such as trying to push anyone away that I start being friends with) but I didn't tell him that I am not in love with him anymore. Is it fear? Is it because of my insecurities? Why do I let him do this to me? Why do I do this to myself?

I wish I had the answers...
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Old 07-28-2008, 02:06 PM   #30
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My wife goes through the "needy stage 4 clinger" thing but its normally very temporary... but she actually is not to bad, she does not give me much grief working the club 2-3 nights a week and coming home at 3, as I know others would have a fit. I guess its all about trust.
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Old 07-28-2008, 02:53 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by sexytiger View Post
So here is a question for you all

What do you do with a spouse that wants to know everything you are doing, or wants to know who all your friends are.

Do you believe that you need private space?


My wife and I have an agreement that we can make friends with who ever we want as long as it does not interfere with our family.

I was wondering on this question because of some of my friends can't have friends because their spouse is so controlling.

Well, like I told you before Tiger,
I used to have a very controlling ex husband.
I mean to the point where it got physically violent if I disobeyed him.
He demanded to know what I bought at the store, how long I was gone,
who I spoke to, what I said, what they said etc.
I was never allowed to asociate with anyone he did not approve of.
He would come home and check the history on the computer,
if I went to one website even by accident, that was not OK with him,
I wound up paying the price dearly.

I think that spouses should have their own space,
I mean, everyone needs a little bit of downtime right?
If you don't, I think that people begin to feel trapped and sufocated.
As for friends.. I think each person needs at least 1 person they can
confide in.


As for sharing friends, thats up to each individual couple.
There is always going to be at least 1 person who knows both of you guys though.

As for what do you do with them?
Well, mine is EX, for a good reason.
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Old 07-28-2008, 02:58 PM   #32
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My husband can be very clingy and controlling sometimes, and it's been a problem in our marriage. I used to be afraid to tell him when I need time alone or if I wanted to hang out with a friend because I didn't want to hear his mouth, but not any more! I've told him that I am allowed to pick my own friends and I shouldn't have to feel guilty about hanging out with them just because he is paranoid. I never complain about his friends or throw a fit when he wants to go out with them. As long as we come home to each other every night, why should there be any reason to worry?
Well, since I've talked to him about it, he's backed off a little. I think it took me saying enough is enough, for him to finally realize that he just needs to chill out and not be so controlling. So, it's a work in progress...
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Old 07-28-2008, 04:05 PM   #33
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Maybe it's because we married in our mid/late 30's, but my husband respects my independence. Neither of us are jealous people, and understand the need to have our own friends, male and female. He also knows I'm fiercly independent and never tries to change that about me. Hmmm...maybe he should.
Same here, we have a number of shared friends, but we also both have our own.
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Old 07-28-2008, 08:00 PM   #34
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Well, like I told you before Tiger,
I used to have a very controlling ex husband.
I mean to the point where it got physically violent if I disobeyed him.
He demanded to know what I bought at the store, how long I was gone,
who I spoke to, what I said, what they said etc.
I was never allowed to asociate with anyone he did not approve of.
He would come home and check the history on the computer,
if I went to one website even by accident, that was not OK with him,
I wound up paying the price dearly.

I think that spouses should have their own space,
I mean, everyone needs a little bit of downtime right?
If you don't, I think that people begin to feel trapped and sufocated.
As for friends.. I think each person needs at least 1 person they can
confide in.


As for sharing friends, thats up to each individual couple.
There is always going to be at least 1 person who knows both of you guys though.

As for what do you do with them?
Well, mine is EX, for a good reason.
My wife an I have both said this, if we started abusing each other the marriage is over.

She did slap me once when she got in some sort of tizzy... I was shocked and did not know what to do... Luckly I was on my way out the door to go to work. Things calmed down and it hasn't happend again. If it did; I would not stay.
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Old 07-28-2008, 09:01 PM   #35
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We have both separate and shared friends. He lets me do stuff with my friends and I reciprocate.
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Old 07-28-2008, 09:34 PM   #36
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My husband has always controlled me....I just didn't realize it. Now he doesn't want me going to my mom's, talking to my best friend on the telephone etc. When I go out with my best friend he gets sulky and conveniently forgets to give me money to go out with an in general makes me pay for it for the rest of the week. He assures me she will not stay my friend for long. He puts bad thoughts into my kids head about me. When I am online and he is here he will start text messaging me from across the room....really retarded!

It is like I am not a human anymore just a person who takes care of the house, kids and am here to do whatever he wants with whenever he wants. He does not want a relationship with me just sex......which I don't enjoy with him. I can have sex with anyone.....I just want to feel loved and special. He only loves himself......even my children feel like he does not love them.

I want a divorce but he says he will take everything away from me.....the only think I care about is my children. Therefore I am here until I learn to be strong enough to not be. Hopefully being on this site will help me be a stronger person......
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Old 07-28-2008, 09:40 PM   #37
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My husband has always controlled me....I just didn't realize it. Now he doesn't want me going to my mom's, talking to my best friend on the telephone etc. When I go out with my best friend he gets sulky and conveniently forgets to give me money to go out with an in general makes me pay for it for the rest of the week. He assures me she will not stay my friend for long. He puts bad thoughts into my kids head about me. When I am online and he is here he will start text messaging me from across the room....really retarded!

It is like I am not a human anymore just a person who takes care of the house, kids and am here to do whatever he wants with whenever he wants. He does not want a relationship with me just sex......which I don't enjoy with him. I can have sex with anyone.....I just want to feel loved and special. He only loves himself......even my children feel like he does not love them.

I want a divorce but he says he will take everything away from me.....the only think I care about is my children. Therefore I am here until I learn to be strong enough to not be. Hopefully being on this site will help me be a stronger person......
wow, rose....sounds exactly like my husband...sure we're not married to the same man?

You are a strong person...mine even monitors incoming and outgoing phone calls, the bank account....I work full time and he resents it but likes the money....he didn't like it when I didn't work, made too little money before, am making better money now but he hates my job because people actually like me and respect me, unlike him.

Mine has threatened the same thing....but mine can't even stand to look at me...I pray for us both...that we get out of our situations and can be with someone who will love us and treat us well.
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Old 07-28-2008, 09:55 PM   #38
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After reading these I am glad that we have this site to support each other. We need to have friends to help us through these bad situations
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Old 07-28-2008, 10:00 PM   #39
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wow, rose....sounds exactly like my husband...sure we're not married to the same man?

You are a strong person...mine even monitors incoming and outgoing phone calls, the bank account....I work full time and he resents it but likes the money....he didn't like it when I didn't work, made too little money before, am making better money now but he hates my job because people actually like me and respect me, unlike him.

Mine has threatened the same thing....but mine can't even stand to look at me...I pray for us both...that we get out of our situations and can be with someone who will love us and treat us well.
It is a scarry thought that there are two alike! lol
I have not worked in a year. He likes for me to be home, he removed my name from the checking account. That way he has complete control of money, gas for my car etc....my mom gives me some every month. He watches my phone bill and has even had my emails forwarded to his phone......just doesn't know about my new account. My friend fixed my computer to hide where I go.

If you ever need to talk you know where to find me! Hang in there girl.
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Old 07-28-2008, 10:03 PM   #40
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My first hubby was a control freek and would not even let me see my family for years. I was so glad the day he told me we where getting a divorce it was the best day of my life back then.

Hubby number two is the best man a woman could ever want I can come and go as much as I want.
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Old 07-28-2008, 10:17 PM   #41
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Wow, it's hard for me to read about all these controlling jerks that are out there. I wonder why so many women put up with it, but I know it's hard to break these patterns when they go on for so long. I hope that you can realize that this is not right or healthy to be living this way. I pray for anyone in this situation that they can find the strength and help they need to live a happier life. People don't deserve to be treated this way. It's very wrong.
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Old 07-28-2008, 11:26 PM   #42
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Unc hasn't ever been controlling with me, we have a wonderful relationship...
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Old 07-29-2008, 05:11 AM   #43
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The only thing worse than a controlling man is a controlling woman.
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Old 07-29-2008, 05:41 AM   #44
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The only thing worse than a controlling man is a controlling woman.
You can say that because you are a man....

Why are we so worried about people who control us?
Have we ever looked at the reasons that someone wants to control us?

Try various insecurities...
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Old 07-29-2008, 06:16 AM   #45
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Try controlling bitches and bastards!!!!!!
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Old 07-29-2008, 06:44 AM   #46
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Try controlling bitches and bastards!!!!!!
Anyone who wants to control another basically says that they have a right over another's decisions, even another's body. And I will be damned to let anyone tell me how I should run my body....
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Old 07-29-2008, 02:07 PM   #47
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Well first of all I wouldn't be in a relationship like that because I would have told him to fuck off long ago....

But I'm a real believer in having personal space and limits...like I don't go through his wallet and he knows he better stay the hell away from my purse....(pet peeve)...
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Old 07-29-2008, 02:11 PM   #48
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After reading these I am glad that we have this site to support each other. We need to have friends to help us through these bad situations
Me too
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Old 07-29-2008, 02:15 PM   #49
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Well first of all I wouldn't be in a relationship like that because I would have told him to fuck off long ago....

But I'm a real believer in having personal space and limits...like I don't go through his wallet and he knows he better stay the hell away from my purse....(pet peeve)...
You folks pick pockets do you?
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Old 07-29-2008, 02:46 PM   #50
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i'd say by most standards my hubby is controlling.. not so much anymore- but then theres not much reason to be..
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