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Old 11-18-2015, 08:27 PM   #1
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So, my husband would rather pay more attention to video games and just ignore me. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I'm at the point if something happened with someone else, I wouldn't feel guilty about it.
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Old 11-18-2015, 08:36 PM   #2
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That's really a shame to hear. There are too many clichés about gamer guys and girls but unfortunately you're not the first to be actually affected by it. But if it's gotten to that point then it doesn't sound like you'd have anything to feel bad about.
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:09 PM   #3
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I have to say there are some very good games out there at the moment.
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:14 PM   #4
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So, my husband would rather pay more attention to video games and just ignore me. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I'm at the point if something happened with someone else, I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

You will still feel guilty about it ... the affects of an affair far surpasses just the feeling of not being ignored . To an extent if makes you question yourself more than anything other thing . And it wont take the pain away either just saying ... Hope things work out for you .
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:17 PM   #5
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I don't usually feel guilt.
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:21 PM   #6
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I was ignored for years... and years... it took a long time for me to get to the point where I would even consider cheating on her... but I finally did. Once you cross that line... it's much easier to do it again... but you can't step back over the line... and undo what you've done.... even though my marriage was over at the time..... still I didn't like lying and cheating... that wasn't me... in order for me to feel okay with myself again, I had to remove myself from the marriage. Before you make any decisions... try to think it through... it's easy to get sucked into a whirlwind relationship... but I've come to find out that it's no substitute... as people will use you and then move on. Be careful.
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Old 11-18-2015, 10:03 PM   #7
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I was ignored for years... and years... it took a long time for me to get to the point where I would even consider cheating on her... but I finally did. Once you cross that line... it's much easier to do it again... but you can't step back over the line... and undo what you've done.... even though my marriage was over at the time..... still I didn't like lying and cheating... that wasn't me... in order for me to feel okay with myself again, I had to remove myself from the marriage. Before you make any decisions... try to think it through... it's easy to get sucked into a whirlwind relationship... but I've come to find out that it's no substitute... as people will use you and then move on. Be careful.
Forgive me for another point of view ...

I've been back and forth across that line more times than I'm proud of. Each time, I swore it would never happen again - but I knew I was lying to myself.

I finally figured out the truth is much simpler ... each of us is missing something, whether it be affection, attention, respect, or whatever. It is never - NEVER - just sex. Sex is just the personification of what the real problem is. She doesn't - because doesn't pay any attention to her. He doesn't - because she doesn't respect him any more. So, sex is the weapon - but it is never the reason.

The cold, hard truth is that something is missing ... and an affair won't fill that gap - not with him/her. Yes, I get respect or attention or whatever from my other, or you get attention, and flowers, from your other - but it does nothing to fix the problem that drove you to him in the first place. That hole will always be there.

Each time, I go back, promising to work hard, to fix it -- but it never happens. It can't be fixed just by you or me - they have to want to fix it, too. And, clearly, they don't - or they would have. They are pretty comfortable just the way things are.

Eventually, the need becomes too large, too immediate, too insistent, to ignore - and you fill that need the only way you can - with another affair.

Understand, that's not bad - but, it's reality - if you choose to cross over, you never truly go back. You always know you can cross the line again if you need to. So, it does - whether we care to admit it or not - affect how hard we work to fix the original problem. In truth, I just gave up - satisfied with a home life of distant friendship and a love life on the run.

By the way, I'm not the least bit sorry I crossed over ... it's what has kept me going. And, though I don't know she knows, I strongly suspect it suits her purposes, as well.

But, as Special says, give it serious thought - I will tell you this - if nothing changes at home, and you continue to think about it, eventually the hole will become too large, and you will get your needs met somewhere else. It's not enough to wish it would change - you have to make it change. Or, come over to the dark side - I'll be waiting for you.
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Old 11-19-2015, 05:54 AM   #8
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Thankfully I don't develop feelings easily for people. Feelings get in the way, and cause hurt. Sex is sex nothing more to me. But considering he and I have been married for a long time, and this has been going on for years, I feel justified in what I'm going to do. I appreciate everyone's point of view, but I tend to think very differently. This is something I've been thinking about for the past 3 years, it's not something I've rushed into.
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Old 11-19-2015, 09:12 AM   #9
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Damn pesky feelings! Good riddance!
sounds like you've given it a lot more thought than most probably do. Which is a good thing.
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Old 11-19-2015, 09:39 PM   #10
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Sounds like you thought it out a lot. I'm close to being there as well.

Now call me. 1-800-GET-LAID
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Old 11-20-2015, 12:49 AM   #11
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I agree with the "feelings get in the way" statement ... But, my experience has shown that most other's seem to think that sex has to include attachment ... Have fun
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Old 11-20-2015, 12:54 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by spare_change View Post
Forgive me for another point of view ...

I've been back and forth across that line more times than I'm proud of. Each time, I swore it would never happen again - but I knew I was lying to myself.
Spare, you do realize we are only one line away from each other right? Just checking the facts.
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Old 11-20-2015, 01:49 AM   #13
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If people who cared only about sex and not about feelings only met people who cared about sex and not about feelings... assuming both people were self-aware and 100% honest with themselves, then this could actually work. Unfortunately I don't know anyone like that. Everyone I meet is a human.
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Old 11-20-2015, 02:00 AM   #14
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If people who cared only about sex and not about feelings only met people who cared about sex and not about feelings... assuming both people were self-aware and 100% honest with themselves, then this could actually work. Unfortunately I don't know anyone like that. Everyone I meet is a human.
Now don't go getting all carried away there, Handsome.

I'm the perfect woman. I don't want you to spend the night, please don't text me the next day and just try and keep all your emotions in check. I don't need anyone messing up my well designed, perfectly aligned life.

Maybe I'm the perfect man, come to think of it.
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Old 11-20-2015, 09:40 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spare_change View Post
Forgive me for another point of view ...

I've been back and forth across that line more times than I'm proud of. Each time, I swore it would never happen again - but I knew I was lying to myself.

I finally figured out the truth is much simpler ... each of us is missing something, whether it be affection, attention, respect, or whatever. It is never - NEVER - just sex. Sex is just the personification of what the real problem is. She doesn't - because doesn't pay any attention to her. He doesn't - because she doesn't respect him any more. So, sex is the weapon - but it is never the reason.

The cold, hard truth is that something is missing ... and an affair won't fill that gap - not with him/her. Yes, I get respect or attention or whatever from my other, or you get attention, and flowers, from your other - but it does nothing to fix the problem that drove you to him in the first place. That hole will always be there.

Each time, I go back, promising to work hard, to fix it -- but it never happens. It can't be fixed just by you or me - they have to want to fix it, too. And, clearly, they don't - or they would have. They are pretty comfortable just the way things are.

Eventually, the need becomes too large, too immediate, too insistent, to ignore - and you fill that need the only way you can - with another affair.

Understand, that's not bad - but, it's reality - if you choose to cross over, you never truly go back. You always know you can cross the line again if you need to. So, it does - whether we care to admit it or not - affect how hard we work to fix the original problem. In truth, I just gave up - satisfied with a home life of distant friendship and a love life on the run.

By the way, I'm not the least bit sorry I crossed over ... it's what has kept me going. And, though I don't know she knows, I strongly suspect it suits her purposes, as well.

But, as Special says, give it serious thought - I will tell you this - if nothing changes at home, and you continue to think about it, eventually the hole will become too large, and you will get your needs met somewhere else. It's not enough to wish it would change - you have to make it change. Or, come over to the dark side - I'll be waiting for you.
Hey! I actually agree with him ^. The internet is now officially over.
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Old 11-20-2015, 10:24 AM   #16
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I'll give you advise...get a hobby and leave him alone. Its not his fault you are bored.

maybe you could learn to drink more. That works for lots of women.
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Old 11-20-2015, 11:22 AM   #17
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I'll give you advise...get a hobby and leave him alone. Its not his fault you are bored.

maybe you could learn to drink more. That works for lots of women.
you just want her to get drunk so it increases your change of getting into her pants...
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Old 11-20-2015, 12:53 PM   #18
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Spare, you do realize we are only one line away from each other right? Just checking the facts.
What was your phone number, again?
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Old 11-20-2015, 01:31 PM   #19
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you just want her to get drunk so it increases your change of getting into her pants...
that could work. I was just thinking how she could torture him with nights of snoring and drooling. drink can do that to a girl and there is no better payback then making a man lay next to a woman at 4am and think he's married a monster.
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Old 11-20-2015, 01:42 PM   #20
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Here's the thing, I too have delved into the extramarital affair league. Spare is right (I'll take things I thought I'd never say for $1000, Alex).
However, from a woman's perspective, it opens you up to a whole new set of hurts. Right now you feel hurt because you don't have the attention of your husband and you feel unwanted, undesired and unappreciated.
When you open this box, you will feel wanted, desired, appreciated....for that moment. When it ends, and they all do, unless you're one of the very few that can keep emotion out of it you will be back to feeling unwanted, undesired, unappreciated and add a heaping spoonful of heartbroken, alone and sad.
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Old 11-20-2015, 02:09 PM   #21
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"maybe you could learn to drink more. That works for lots of women."

Been known to work for men too
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Old 11-20-2015, 02:46 PM   #22
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Here's the thing, I too have delved into the extramarital affair league. Spare is right (I'll take things I thought I'd never say for $1000, Alex).
However, from a woman's perspective, it opens you up to a whole new set of hurts. Right now you feel hurt because you don't have the attention of your husband and you feel unwanted, undesired and unappreciated.
When you open this box, you will feel wanted, desired, appreciated....for that moment. When it ends, and they all do, unless you're one of the very few that can keep emotion out of it you will be back to feeling unwanted, undesired, unappreciated and add a heaping spoonful of heartbroken, alone and sad.
This can be from a man's perspective too. In general, my "grizzled old veteran who has made every mistake in the book" perspective is this...as soon as you get the sense that you are playing "surrogate spouse/emotional support system" for the person you are involved with, run...run fast. That's just never going to work unless there are concrete plans for both of you to get divorced and actually be that for each other in real life. Otherwise you will hang around in limbo for years, professing your supposed "love" for one another through text messages, email, wall posts, sneaky phone calls, etc etc, while wasting all of the emotional energy you should be devoting to the marriage that you are apparently unwilling to pull the plug on or (far worse) the kids you have at home. That was ultimately my wakeup call...it dawned on me that while I was concocting fake trips to the store so that I could get on the phone and giggle and play "schmoopie pie" I could have been spending that time listening to my kids tell me about their day. That's a pretty shitty feeling...or at least it should be.
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Old 11-20-2015, 02:52 PM   #23
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"maybe you could learn to drink more. That works for lots of women."

Been known to work for men too
playing playstation really drunk sucks. I guess she could grab him a few beers...good thinkin!
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Old 11-20-2015, 03:02 PM   #24
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This can be from a man's perspective too. In general, my "grizzled old veteran who has made every mistake in the book" perspective is this...as soon as you get the sense that you are playing "surrogate spouse/emotional support system" for the person you are involved with, run...run fast. That's just never going to work unless there are concrete plans for both of you to get divorced and actually be that for each other in real life. Otherwise you will hang around in limbo for years, professing your supposed "love" for one another through text messages, email, wall posts, sneaky phone calls, etc etc, while wasting all of the emotional energy you should be devoting to the marriage that you are apparently unwilling to pull the plug on or (far worse) the kids you have at home. That was ultimately my wakeup call...it dawned on me that while I was concocting fake trips to the store so that I could get on the phone and giggle and play "schmoopie pie" I could have been spending that time listening to my kids tell me about their day. That's a pretty shitty feeling...or at least it should be.
And I agree with Tom too...what a topsy turvy world we live in....is it the apocalypse?
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Old 11-20-2015, 03:05 PM   #25
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This can be from a man's perspective too. In general, my "grizzled old veteran who has made every mistake in the book" perspective is this...as soon as you get the sense that you are playing "surrogate spouse/emotional support system" for the person you are involved with, run...run fast. That's just never going to work unless there are concrete plans for both of you to get divorced and actually be that for each other in real life. Otherwise you will hang around in limbo for years, professing your supposed "love" for one another through text messages, email, wall posts, sneaky phone calls, etc etc, while wasting all of the emotional energy you should be devoting to the marriage that you are apparently unwilling to pull the plug on or (far worse) the kids you have at home. That was ultimately my wakeup call...it dawned on me that while I was concocting fake trips to the store so that I could get on the phone and giggle and play "schmoopie pie" I could have been spending that time listening to my kids tell me about their day. That's a pretty shitty feeling...or at least it should be.
Does that mean I shouldn't expect any more phone sex calls?...those moments are the best 30 seconds of my day... and I got divorced and everything....
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