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Old 04-22-2012, 01:46 AM   #2526
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Dear New Zealander who is a resident of Connecticut but is working in Nigeria,

First, it took me two hours, but I did find calling cards for Africa. They are quite cute. They have lions on the front of them.

Second, could we do something about how drop dead gorgeous you are? I like to think I don't have self esteem issues, but seriously, would it kill you to gain 40 pounds and lose some hair? I'd much appreciate it.

Love,
No. I love myself exactly as I am, thank you very much
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:49 AM   #2527
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Must sort out my sheds and garage get rid of so much unwanted material that has congregated over the years
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:54 AM   #2528
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Dear Sunday,

Please go fast so I can get to Monday. I know others really enjoy you and dislike Monday but I really need it to be Monday right now and I need this coming week to start. There are many things bothering me right now and I can't begin to fix any of it until then.

Sincerely, bogged down by stress.
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Old 04-24-2012, 04:33 PM   #2529
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Dear Older "Wiser" Relatives,
PLEASE spare me the drama over who called who first to tell them. You are sisters. If you cannot bury the hatchet because you are sisters, could you please try for 4 fucking days to bury this very sweet woman and give her the respect SHE deserves.
Thanks,
Your disappointed niece
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Old 04-24-2012, 05:06 PM   #2530
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Dear sister

He was your daddy and you should have had the respect he always showed you

your dissapointed sister
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Old 04-24-2012, 05:44 PM   #2531
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Dear You,
You made my day very, very special. Your thoughtfulness and caring ways has not only made me happy I'm on this earth but ecstatic that I know you.
Thank you,
Me
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Old 04-24-2012, 06:02 PM   #2532
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Dear Boss
Thank you for the promotion and for keeping the issue in front of the CEO for as long as you did. He would have forgotten about it without you.
Sincerely,
Your new Comptroller
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Old 04-24-2012, 06:05 PM   #2533
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Dear Fuckhead.....

Sometimes you only get one REAL chance in life...and if youre amazingly stupid..you miss it

Congratulations stupid!

Ice
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Old 04-24-2012, 06:06 PM   #2534
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Dear Hub

You are pathetic. I hope that if you indeed find someone that she gets exactly the same treatment as I have received.. Leopards rarely change their spots... oh yea and stick it!
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Old 04-24-2012, 07:08 PM   #2535
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Dear Sickness,

This is beyond ridiculous. I spend all day absolutely fine, no symptoms at all, then 11-12ish hits and you turn up and remind me what I ate that day. Can you either, let me sleep (I'm so tired from being up with you all night), go away or turn up in the day so that when I go to a doctor he will believe me. I just want to know why you keep visiting me at night.

Sincerely, sick and tired.
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Old 04-24-2012, 07:28 PM   #2536
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Dear phlebotomist... I don't care if I DO make you nervous.. the next time I come to have blood drawn... and you can't do it after 6 attempts.. I hope you don't mind if I grab that needle and jab you with it a times.. because it's liable to happen.

Sincerely,
your personal pincushion
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Old 04-24-2012, 07:56 PM   #2537
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Dear Deck,

Just because I only got to your railings, don't fret.
I'll get the rest of you tomorrow...

Roller in hand
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Old 04-24-2012, 08:23 PM   #2538
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Dear body:

Please heal thyself...fast...and completely.

Sincerely,

Me
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Old 04-24-2012, 08:47 PM   #2539
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Dear Boobs,

I love to motorboat with you.

SB
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Old 04-24-2012, 08:54 PM   #2540
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Dear Lawn

I'll get to you in the morning. Sleep well.

Lawnmower
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Old 04-24-2012, 08:57 PM   #2541
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Dear Psycho,

What the hell do you want from me? You already know everything... Absolutely everything. You know your future, his future and yet you still feel the need to harass me at 1:30am. FUCK OFF ALREADY! Seriously, what the hell does it take to get through to your thick blonde head?

Sincerely, Beyond pissed off
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Old 04-24-2012, 11:27 PM   #2542
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Dear baby boy,

If you would so kindly quit using my bladder as a play toy so mommy doesn't pee herself
I would be forever greatful!

Love always,
Mommy
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Old 04-24-2012, 11:59 PM   #2543
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Dear Turnip,

I woulda given you some pineapple juice and a pillow.
Tomorrow will be better.

Sincerely yours,

MashedPotatoSandwichIsStillGross
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Old 04-25-2012, 12:08 AM   #2544
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Dear cock

I know I know .. you are great, awesomesauce even .. but its hard for me to tell EVERYONE about you ... especially when trying to make a first impression

Your Resume
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Old 04-25-2012, 01:06 AM   #2545
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Dear Libido,

This is really bad timing with limited possibilities. Get back into hiding till we get out of the desert.

Brain
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Old 04-25-2012, 05:10 AM   #2546
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Dear puppy,

I'm sorry you are getting your balls chopped off tomorrow. I will leave doggie porn (Animal Planet) on for you today while I am at work. Happy humping.

Sincerely,

Yo Mama
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Old 04-25-2012, 07:45 AM   #2547
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Dear spoiled brat daughter of mine,
You are 22 years old, but you act like you are much younger sometimes. Thanks for being mean to your 10 year old sister - she looks up to you and idolizes you, and you treated her with contempt. She still thinks she did something wrong. But we know the truth - you are too much of a chicken shit to confront me directly, so you take it out on a 10 year old who did nothing wrong. very immature.

Sincerely,
Your pissed off dad (who will NOT let that happen again)
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Old 04-25-2012, 05:08 PM   #2548
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Dear Hewhotravelswithhandcuffs,

I'm so very sorry for your loss, she was a special lady to many. I have (and will always have) a special place in my heart for her. I'm here if you need me.

sadly,
dg
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Old 04-25-2012, 05:21 PM   #2549
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Dear pool-
It's on! Tonight I will master each move and not feel like I am going to drown.
Sincerely,
Me
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Old 04-25-2012, 05:26 PM   #2550
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Dear Estrogen

I hates you

EatingIcecreamForBreakfast
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