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Old 11-05-2007, 06:18 PM   #1
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Default Is this married man confusing, or is it just me?

I am a single girl, and I really have no business liking an older married man, but I can't help it.

Here is the thing, we work together, so I try to be as professional as possible. I try my hardest not to flirt back with him, but he makes it impossible.

One day he is overly flirtacious, looking at me like he is in love and telling me how good I look. He will touch my back and shoulders and tell other people that he thinks I am hot.

The next day, he doesn't pay any attention to me at all and I can't figure out why.

I just don't know what to do. I would ask him about it, but I am scared. I really am confused by this man and I am trying to get over this for my own good, but I just can't.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:27 PM   #2
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Welcome to the site curious.
My best advice - RUN AWAY. Can't get over it? Of course you can. Will it be easy? No.
You are an outlet for his pent up sexual frustrations. You don't give us much information, but odds are that you are not in a situation where he will leave his wife and try a new relationship with you that will be everything you've ever wanted.
RUN.
And welcome to the site. I'm sure many other people will offer their friendly expertise on this subject.
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:29 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousandsingle
I am a single girl, and I really have no business liking an older married man, but I can't help it.

Here is the thing, we work together, so I try to be as professional as possible. I try my hardest not to flirt back with him, but he makes it impossible.

One day he is overly flirtacious, looking at me like he is in love and telling me how good I look. He will touch my back and shoulders and tell other people that he thinks I am hot.

The next day, he doesn't pay any attention to me at all and I can't figure out why.

I just don't know what to do. I would ask him about it, but I am scared. I really am confused by this man and I am trying to get over this for my own good, but I just can't.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
Curious...welcome to the site. I think you'll find empathetic feedback from the many wonderful ladies here regarding your situation.

I for one will refrain from offering advice of any sort (at least for now). I think a male perspective in your plight might further confuse the issue.

Good luck curious

Ladies?
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:29 PM   #4
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I don't want a relationship with him. I like talking to him and I wouldn't mind spending time with him without involving my emotions- I am completely capable of doing so.
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:30 PM   #5
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I agree run like hell.
Quote:
Originally Posted by c50t
Welcome to the site curious.
My best advice - RUN AWAY. Can't get over it? Of course you can. Will it be easy? No.
You are an outlet for his pent up sexual frustrations. You don't give us much information, but odds are that you are not in a situation where he will leave his wife and try a new relationship with you that will be everything you've ever wanted.
RUN.
And welcome to the site. I'm sure many other people will offer their friendly expertise on this subject.
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:36 PM   #6
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Sounds like he playing you like a puppet, no offence, but he is pulling your strings to benefit his own ego... do yourself a favour, if he persists with this charade he is overstepping the line, and you have every right to complain about him... that is if you want to of course!
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:45 PM   #7
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Last edited by Domus; 11-06-2007 at 04:56 AM.
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:47 PM   #8
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He's not playing fair or considering your feelings by this erratic behavior. He knows that you know he's married and yet he continues to invade your space with suggestive comments and touching. He probably knows you are uncomfortable with the situation, yet he continues. This puts you in an uncomfortable position in a place where you need to feel safe. What to do? If it were me, I'd tell him politely and professionally to back off. If that doesn't work, report his behavior to HR. He's not respecting you.
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:50 PM   #9
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You are going to do what you want to do anyhow, but my advice.. don't do it..
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:51 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousandsingle
I don't want a relationship with him. I like talking to him and I wouldn't mind spending time with him without involving my emotions- I am completely capable of doing so.
I have to agree with the other posts .... flirting in today's workplace, in the situation as you've described it, can only cause both of you grief, and perhaps get one, or both of you, fired. I've seen it too many times. It is just not worth it.
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Old 11-05-2007, 08:29 PM   #11
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Seriously, move on without him. Go find yourself a man who won't play these silly games with you. You deserve better than this.
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Old 11-06-2007, 04:53 AM   #12
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The same questions " I think a married man may like me "....

Still working on it...
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Old 11-06-2007, 05:14 AM   #13
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I had a young friend in So Cal who has a married man for a F%%K buddy. If you like the guy, you might give him a try, as long as he is aware you are not in it for the lifrtime committment.
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Old 11-06-2007, 09:12 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousandsingle
I am a single girl, and I really have no business liking an older married man, but I can't help it.

Here is the thing, we work together, so I try to be as professional as possible. I try my hardest not to flirt back with him, but he makes it impossible.

One day he is overly flirtacious, looking at me like he is in love and telling me how good I look. He will touch my back and shoulders and tell other people that he thinks I am hot.

The next day, he doesn't pay any attention to me at all and I can't figure out why.

I just don't know what to do. I would ask him about it, but I am scared. I really am confused by this man and I am trying to get over this for my own good, but I just can't.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

First off, to be flirtatious is one thing. But, he should never touch you at work. He can give you a compliment, but there are boundries there as well. And telling other people how hot you are should be in privacy....not something that soo easily gets back to you. I agree with the men here in that he is using you to boost his ego. It's not fair to you to continue to give you mixed signals as he has.

Of course you can't get over this with such erratic behavior on his part. But, why are you scared to ask him about it? He started this whole charade. Either he stops or you must set some ground rules for your own sanity......not touching, etc. You need to confront him, ask him what his issue is and tell him how you feel. If he continues to behave in that manner, it will then be time for you to take farther steps.......


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1. Never take your comfort for granted. It can change in a moment's notice.

2. Always be yourself and never apologize for who you are or who you have become internally. One person's trash is always another's treasure.

3. Believe in your heart. Believe in love, in life, in new beginnings.

4. Never have regrets. Learn from your mistakes and misfortunes. Know that life is one big test. You can pass it if you learn from the pop quizzes along the way.
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Old 11-06-2007, 09:32 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousandsingle
I am a single girl, and I really have no business liking an older married man, but I can't help it.

Here is the thing, we work together, so I try to be as professional as possible. I try my hardest not to flirt back with him, but he makes it impossible.

One day he is overly flirtacious, looking at me like he is in love and telling me how good I look. He will touch my back and shoulders and tell other people that he thinks I am hot.

The next day, he doesn't pay any attention to me at all and I can't figure out why.

I just don't know what to do. I would ask him about it, but I am scared. I really am confused by this man and I am trying to get over this for my own good, but I just can't.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
It might help if you would stop acting like a high school freshman. Let me act as a surrogate parent: HE'S MARRIED!!!!! YOU KNOW BETTER!!!!!! IF YOU THINK HE IS ACTING INAPPROPRIATE IT IS YOUR DUTY TO REPORT HIM!!!!!!!!! IF HE'S TOUCHING YOU ON THE JOB THAT IS CALLED SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND SHOULD BE REPORTED!!!!!!!!!!!! GET OVER THIS NOT ONLY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD BUT ALSO FOR THE GOOD OF OTHERS WHO MAY GET INVOLVED AND THIS BECOMES SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!!!


Guess it's probably a good thing I'm not your dad huh?
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Old 11-06-2007, 09:35 AM   #16
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Give her hell Pete
Wow girl you have some growing up to do sorry to be so blunt but eather your playing a game with us or you need an education fast or you'll be in more trouble than you know how to handle.
Sorry just my 2 cents.
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Old 11-06-2007, 09:45 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Postman
Give her hell Pete
Wow girl you have some growing up to do sorry to be so blunt but eather your playing a game with us or you need an education fast or you'll be in more trouble than you know how to handle.
Sorry just my 2 cents.
Agree! Think Pete needed to give her hell! She does need a fast education or she will be in more trouble then she can handle.
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Old 11-06-2007, 04:20 PM   #18
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I agree,it is all about HIS ego and his ability to tell his friends he can score a young,hottie at work! He wants to feel young and attractive still as most people do but he is going about it the wrong way.....AT YOUR EXPENSE! Move On,You can do WAY better!
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Old 11-06-2007, 04:31 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousandsingle
I don't want a relationship with him. I like talking to him and I wouldn't mind spending time with him without involving my emotions- I am completely capable of doing so.
oh well in that case, welcome to my world! it's fun, dangerous and stupid but lots of fun! we all have our own reasons for being here, but we probably have similar ones! if you can truely keep ur emotions out go for it, i'm sure you can think of some reason to talk to him, i have faith in you, just keep it flirty and make sure this isn't a job you can't afford to lose bc you'll undoubtably lose it eventually! especially if he has more rank than you! i know thats probably not the advice most people will give you but hey i do it so.....! just remember don't try to hard, otherwise you'll be dissappointed believe me! play on.....
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Old 11-09-2007, 12:32 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousandsingle
I am a single girl, and I really have no business liking an older married man, but I can't help it.

Here is the thing, we work together, so I try to be as professional as possible. I try my hardest not to flirt back with him, but he makes it impossible.

One day he is overly flirtacious, looking at me like he is in love and telling me how good I look. He will touch my back and shoulders and tell other people that he thinks I am hot.

The next day, he doesn't pay any attention to me at all and I can't figure out why.

I just don't know what to do. I would ask him about it, but I am scared. I really am confused by this man and I am trying to get over this for my own good, but I just can't.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
speaking from experience, guys are complex. sometimes we act or do things a certain way and not realize it. "Men are from Mars, women are from venus"
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Old 11-09-2007, 06:37 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by curiousandsingle
I am a single girl, and I really have no business liking an older married man, but I can't help it.

Here is the thing, we work together, so I try to be as professional as possible. I try my hardest not to flirt back with him, but he makes it impossible.

One day he is overly flirtacious, looking at me like he is in love and telling me how good I look. He will touch my back and shoulders and tell other people that he thinks I am hot.

The next day, he doesn't pay any attention to me at all and I can't figure out why.

I just don't know what to do. I would ask him about it, but I am scared. I really am confused by this man and I am trying to get over this for my own good, but I just can't.

Does anyone have any advice for me?


OK!! well
1: Choice to flirt or not is a Choice-- so him making it impossible for you not to flirt is an EXCUSE!!
2. You need to recognize when a PLAYER is running a game on you--- being overly attentative one day and nothing the next is a GAME and he is a PLAYER
3. What to do you ask??? Well you want to play the game-- you need to get into the game-- if you choose to flirt one day then fllirt with someone else the next day and not him--ignore him and or any remarks he makes to you about how good you look for a few days-- or just say " hey I know I look good" thanks for noticing--- OR you can choose to leave this player alone and let him pull his scam on someone who really wants to be known as his NEXT congquest-- good luck
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Old 01-05-2008, 01:00 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousandsingle
I am a single girl, and I really have no business liking an older married man, but I can't help it.

Here is the thing, we work together, so I try to be as professional as possible. I try my hardest not to flirt back with him, but he makes it impossible.

One day he is overly flirtacious, looking at me like he is in love and telling me how good I look. He will touch my back and shoulders and tell other people that he thinks I am hot.

The next day, he doesn't pay any attention to me at all and I can't figure out why.

I just don't know what to do. I would ask him about it, but I am scared. I really am confused by this man and I am trying to get over this for my own good, but I just can't.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
May i make a sujestion!! You are playng cat and mouse game with this guy. First you work together big no no. Next he is married and everyone knows it. For him to display himself and put you out there like that is making a fool of you. I would keep it professional keep your job not worth it. If he tries anything further tell to please stop and end this now. Good luck. p.s. If your single im sure theres alot of guys the would appreciate you.
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Old 01-05-2008, 01:19 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousandsingle
I am a single girl, and I really have no business liking an older married man, but I can't help it.

Here is the thing, we work together, so I try to be as professional as possible. I try my hardest not to flirt back with him, but he makes it impossible.

One day he is overly flirtacious, looking at me like he is in love and telling me how good I look. He will touch my back and shoulders and tell other people that he thinks I am hot.

The next day, he doesn't pay any attention to me at all and I can't figure out why.

I just don't know what to do. I would ask him about it, but I am scared. I really am confused by this man and I am trying to get over this for my own good, but I just can't.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
Please listen to my thoughts on this matter because I have been down that road as a married man. Don't go there for anything else but sex if you choose...with no strings attached. A single person requires more time from a married person...time which they do not have to give, regardless of their intentions to try and do so. You will not be happy in the long run...it will not work..most married ppl have no intentions of leaving their spouses, but they will not tell you that...even when you ask...because they don't want you to break it off.

Good Luck honey...it's not an easy call if you both feel strongly for one another.
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Old 01-05-2008, 01:20 PM   #24
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One day he is overly flirtacious, looking at me like he is in love and telling me how good I look. He will touch my back and shoulders and tell other people that he thinks I am hot.

The next day, he doesn't pay any attention to me at all and I can't figure out why.


Does anyone have any advice for me?[/quote]

He sounds like a loaded cannon...stay away.
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