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Old 07-08-2008, 12:45 PM   #1
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After I had my babies I was a few sizes larger than what I was when I was married....the hubby stopped sex with me and then finally told me after a few years of looking elsewhere that my stomach got in the way and it was disgusting.....

So, I guess my question is....do other wives get this treatment? And men, WHY?!?!
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Old 07-08-2008, 12:52 PM   #2
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Lets just say...I am not a size 2 anymore either...But am very lucky my hubby loves me for me...has no problem with my size!!!!!!
If your hubby has such a problem...maybe he should tactfully find away to help...mine has and I have lost 148 pounds and still have a few to go...but he was a BIG help!!!!
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Old 07-08-2008, 12:53 PM   #3
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He's a dick head. I think there are about a 1000 different ways to deal with this and this ain't one of them. I don't think hurting someone feelings is the right way to go about making a point.
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Old 07-08-2008, 01:01 PM   #4
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First of all, I'm sorry that you have to put up with that. He should love you and think you're attractive no matter what size you are.
Losing weight after having a baby is not easy. It's been 5 years since I had my youngest, and I'm still trying to get back down to the weight I was before I had the kids.
My husband has also made remarks about me gaining weight, usually when we are having an argument. He'll say it just to hit me where it hurts. He usually does end up apologizing for saying such nasty things, but it still hurts.

So, I know how you feel. Don't let him get you down. You're a beautiful woman, no matter what he or anyone else says.
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Old 07-08-2008, 01:06 PM   #5
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I have never been and probably never will be thin. But, I am happy the way I am. My husband used to say things and like Sweet's it is in an argument when it is meant to hurt and it does. I am healthy and active. You need to be happy with yourself and realize that sometimes it is the other person's insecurities that make them sound like idiots. I guarantee if you were thinner he would find something else to pick on.
If you decide to lose weight, do it for yourself and for a healthier you.
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Old 07-08-2008, 01:07 PM   #6
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I think sexy is in the mind no matter what size you are.
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Old 07-08-2008, 01:17 PM   #7
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I gained alot of weight after my babies too... I was lonely and kept eating to keep myself happy... it didnt work... my hubby told me that i am more beautiful now that I lost all the weight but even though he never told me I disgusted him, I felt it... it was horrible... it was part of why I am no longer with him...

That is why I don't ask for pictures from my friends here.. I want to judge them on their heart and not their physical appearances... that tells me so much about them... how they treat others.. how they treat me... if they are consistant...

I am sure you are a beautiful person inside and out... and welcome hon... I look forward to getting to know you
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Old 07-08-2008, 01:19 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heartbroken_lonely_wife View Post
After I had my babies I was a few sizes larger than what I was when I was married....the hubby stopped sex with me and then finally told me after a few years of looking elsewhere that my stomach got in the way and it was disgusting.....

So, I guess my question is....do other wives get this treatment? And men, WHY?!?!
Any man who makes comments about the lady that gave birth to his children concerning weight gain or body shape change is a total ASS!!!

A lady, to me anyway, is attractive because of her mind, attitude, intelligence, and her being comfortable with who she is. Even in the most intense of arguments, I NEVER say things about my wife's appearance. I did NOT marry her looks. I married HER!!

When I meet a lady here for the first time, I find out about who and what she is on the inside. I do not ask for pics, or dimensions. The external of a lady is just icing on the cake of who she is.

In addition, a lot of good looking icing can hide some terrible cake.

I prefer the good cake. That way, if the icing changes, the cake is still good.

If his attentions to you are based strictly on your appearance, find a REAL man!!!
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Old 07-08-2008, 01:49 PM   #9
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when I was 23 I had surgery for a ruptured disc. I suddenly found myself bedridden for two months and had to give up a LOT of sports I was active in. I slowly packed on weight and my metabolism was a mess. My hubby made a few comments, he thought to help encourage, but it only made me lose all desire for him. This was NOT what he expected or wanted, but the damage was done. We had to do a LOT of talking, crying, soul searching, and honest sharing of feelings to get through it. But we did. Eventually. Later when i started losing, it scared him - made him worried I had found somebody else.
My suggestion is to talk - and keep talking until he "gets it". I've lost that weight twice now, and am in the process of losing it yet again after the gain from quitting smoking. Its so much easier with support of family and friends than with criticism!!

Talk talk talk!!!
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Old 07-08-2008, 02:12 PM   #10
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well, i have never told my wife in the heat of the argument or in jest that she was fat or overweight, not that she is overweight. maybe a peter belly. she has done a nice job after two kids. i was tempted to mention to her that cellulite was on her legs and ass, but couldn't bring myself to find a way to say it nicely. i figure she must know and i will live with it. i try and buy her sexy clothes for the bedroom and show her nice sexy clothes for her and tell her how sexy she looks. she knows i love her no matter how she looks. just wish she would enjoy sex and more sex and even more sex and learn how much enjoyment i get from pleasing her and watching her have O after O after O
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Old 07-08-2008, 02:17 PM   #11
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well, i have never told my wife in the heat of the argument or in jest that she was fat or overweight, not that she is overweight. maybe a peter belly. she has done a nice job after two kids. i was tempted to mention to her that cellulite was on her legs and ass, but couldn't bring myself to find a way to say it nicely. i figure she must know and i will live with it. i try and buy her sexy clothes for the bedroom and show her nice sexy clothes for her and tell her how sexy she looks. she knows i love her no matter how she looks. just wish she would enjoy sex and more sex and even more sex and learn how much enjoyment i get from pleasing her and watching her have O after O after O
Can we clone u?
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Old 07-08-2008, 02:24 PM   #12
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i don't know about cloning me. i don't think another ME running around the world is very wise, but anytime you want to use me i will try to find time lol

just as long as you want and need sex more than me that is the key!!!
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Old 07-08-2008, 02:52 PM   #13
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I have to agree with everything that has been said... but a word a advice for all the men that would be tempted to mention weight or anything else to their wife or gf... do you really think we have not noticed and that we feel so happy about it?

weight gain is usually just a symptom of something else going wrong in your life, instead of wacking on the damn nail... can you try and help fix the maching instead?
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Old 07-08-2008, 03:02 PM   #14
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Its not just the women who put on the weight...... 99% of the males once they are married put on weight.... we tend to let our self go......
So it is much wiser for all to just learn to accept people for what they are.. and for the person in the body........Its the mind that makes them sexy......the rest only becomes window dressing.... so treat every one with respect and keep un-called for comments to ones self......
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Old 07-08-2008, 03:50 PM   #15
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My guess is that he is projecting his own issues about himself and maybe some self esteem problems onto you. You can find this a lot with the jealous husband type. The problem is his and may not even realize it. Does he feel you need to be a trophy wife to make everyone around him think he is successful in some way. More than anything, I feel sorry for him because he obviously has a lot of internal suffering going on and is not able to handle it. You are right to feel hurt, and should ask him why he said those mean things about you to get to the real issues. You cant fix him, but you can get him to the point were he realizes the problem is his, not you. The only thing a husband should give to his wife is love and compassion. He is lucky to have you because a lot of woman would simply end the realtionship and all that was invested into it. You are very kind. If I was your man, I would find many ways to love you no matter what size. I see you heart and your mind are beautiful.
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Old 07-08-2008, 04:47 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by trausersnake View Post
My guess is that he is projecting his own issues about himself and maybe some self esteem problems onto you. You can find this a lot with the jealous husband type. The problem is his and may not even realize it. Does he feel you need to be a trophy wife to make everyone around him think he is successful in some way. More than anything, I feel sorry for him because he obviously has a lot of internal suffering going on and is not able to handle it. You are right to feel hurt, and should ask him why he said those mean things about you to get to the real issues. You cant fix him, but you can get him to the point were he realizes the problem is his, not you. The only thing a husband should give to his wife is love and compassion. He is lucky to have you because a lot of woman would simply end the realtionship and all that was invested into it. You are very kind. If I was your man, I would find many ways to love you no matter what size. I see you heart and your mind are beautiful.
Trausersnake, you are making me cry...that is beautiful....could you tell that to my husband? Oh never mind, he wouldn't listen anyway.
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Old 07-08-2008, 04:57 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by heartbroken_lonely_wife View Post
After I had my babies I was a few sizes larger than what I was when I was married....the hubby stopped sex with me and then finally told me after a few years of looking elsewhere that my stomach got in the way and it was disgusting.....

So, I guess my question is....do other wives get this treatment? And men, WHY?!?!
I think hubby needs a course on how to treat his wife and mother of his children properly. IMO, this has nothing to do with weight....something is seriously wrong with him
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Old 07-08-2008, 07:42 PM   #18
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i've brought it up in counseling but he just sits there and says "i don't know"

trouser....would you like to come and mediate the conversation?! LOL that was very sweet of you to say...thanks so much
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Old 07-08-2008, 07:53 PM   #19
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The heart and soul and mind do not change with a persons weight--no matter if we lose a hundred pounds or gain a hundred pounds--we fall in love with someone and it shouldn't be the body we base it on--my wife went from 130lbs when we married to under 100 now--I love her no less--should be the same to either way...
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Old 07-08-2008, 08:11 PM   #20
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Heart-broken! Girl we both know that your husband is the one with the issues. Please look for resources so you can leave get your life together and be happy! BE HAPPY fat, thin, short or tall.

LOVE YA!
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Old 07-08-2008, 08:18 PM   #21
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Interesting thread - truly amazing is how everyone has jumped on the bandwagon that hubby is simply a piece of shit, insenstive, cruel, etc etc etc. In the heat of an argument it certainly is not unusual for both parties to lose it and turn an argument in to combat with each drawing on the most hurtful weapons they can use to inflict pain.
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Old 07-08-2008, 08:31 PM   #22
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Quote:
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The heart and soul and mind do not change with a persons weight--no matter if we lose a hundred pounds or gain a hundred pounds--we fall in love with someone and it shouldn't be the body we base it on--my wife went from 130lbs when we married to under 100 now--I love her no less--should be the same to either way...
You are a gem babe.......

I've lost a total of 178 lbs and I have to say for all the things that irritate me my husband was very supportive. He loves me no matter what size I am and has never made me self conscious. The sexy me is in my heart, and personality, not the shell I walk this earth with.
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Old 07-08-2008, 08:31 PM   #23
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I also do not hold it true that a man or woman that marries must simly ignore or avoid those things that they find disturbing or threatening to the relationship. It is difficut to watch another person you love go down a path of self destruction. Do you consider Weight Gain self destructive? The medical community has coined a phrase -morbidly obese so apparently they do.

If weight gain for instance is a topic sooo sensitive that it can not be discussed rationally than is it any wonder that people begin rejecting each other? There are many reasons a person may have or think they have to justify weight gain - but the bottom line up front (favorite of us military types) Weight gain is a choice as is losing the weight
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Old 07-08-2008, 08:33 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by sassynsweet View Post
when I was 23 I had surgery for a ruptured disc. I suddenly found myself bedridden for two months and had to give up a LOT of sports I was active in. I slowly packed on weight and my metabolism was a mess. My hubby made a few comments, he thought to help encourage, but it only made me lose all desire for him. This was NOT what he expected or wanted, but the damage was done. We had to do a LOT of talking, crying, soul searching, and honest sharing of feelings to get through it. But we did. Eventually. Later when i started losing, it scared him - made him worried I had found somebody else.
My suggestion is to talk - and keep talking until he "gets it". I've lost that weight twice now, and am in the process of losing it yet again after the gain from quitting smoking. Its so much easier with support of family and friends than with criticism!!

Talk talk talk!!!
I gained weight twice, once in my mid 20's when I went on the depo shot for birth control....OMG! I was HUNGRY 24/7! And the other was when I gained weight after quiting smoking because I did nothing but cram sugar products in my mouth for 6 months. Each time it was about 15 pounds. Both times my husband made comments and made me feel awful. I remember one time we were watching tv at night and I was hungry and I said I felt like a snack and her reached over, pinched my thigh and said, "I don't think you NEED a snack". I can't tell you how bad I felt about that. It felt like I was less value to him both as his wife and a woman because I had gained weight. For a while I didn't want him to touch me because I thought he was thinking I was a big fatty every time he did.


Most women had body image issues that start at age 10. To have the person in your life who is soposed to love you for who you are make comments about your body can really hurt.

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Old 07-08-2008, 08:36 PM   #25
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I also do not hold it true that a man or woman that marries must simly ignore or avoid those things that they find disturbing or threatening to the relationship. It is difficut to watch another person you love go down a path of self destruction. Do you consider Weight Gain self destructive? The medical community has coined a phrase -morbidly obese so apparently they do.

If weight gain for instance is a topic sooo sensitive that it can not be discussed rationally than is it any wonder that people begin rejecting each other? There are many reasons a person may have or thing they have to justify weight gain - but the bottom line up front (favorite of us military types) Weight gain is a choice as is losing the weight
Since when is name calling rational? Of course it is unhealthy but it is a sensitive subject and should be treated as such.
It is not helpful to make the other person feel like crap. If someone is concerned about you there are 1 million ways to go about helping and this isn't one of them.
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