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Old 12-30-2007, 09:30 AM   #1
mower
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Default New Rules for 2008

I got these from a friend of nime thought I would pass them along

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for
> classmates.com! There's a reason
> you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you
> don't particularly like
> them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of
> the football team is doing
> these days--mowing my lawn.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:31 AM   #2
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New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you
> out a window unless you're a
> seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human
> finger was found in a bowl
> of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar.
> What did you expect it to
> contain?? Trout?
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:31 AM   #3
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New Rule:? Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone.
> Here's how much men care about
> your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're
> done.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:31 AM   #4
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Default

New Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water.
> There's a whole aisle of
> this crap at the supermarket, water, but without
> that watery taste. Sorry, but
> flavored water is called a soft drink. You want
> flavored water? Pour some
> scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your
> flavored water.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:32 AM   #5
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New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is
> introducing a redesigned
> pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And
> the top is now the bottom.
> And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it,
> his ass will be in the
> morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the
> Social Security crisis.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:33 AM   #6
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New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order,
> the bigger the asshole. If
> you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande
> half-soy, half-low fat, iced
> vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra
> dry, light ice, with one
> sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a
> huge asshole.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:33 AM   #7
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New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look
> up from sliding my card,
> entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying
> the amount, deciding no, I
> don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again,
> the kid who is supposed to be
> ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond
> Joy.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:34 AM   #8
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New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese
> characters in it doesn't make you
> spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass.
> And it translates to "beef
> with broccoli." The last time you did anything
> spiritual, you were praying to
> God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual.
> You're just high.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:34 AM   #9
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New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's
> one of the seven deadly sins.
> ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive
> Eating, because watching
> those athletes at the poker table was just too
> damned exciting. What's next,
> competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already
> doing that. It's called "The
> Howard Stern Show."
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:35 AM   #10
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New Rule : I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm
> extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll
> go nuts and eat two.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:35 AM   #11
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New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it
> used to be just for weddings.
> Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations
> from rehab. Picking out the
> stuff you want and having other people buy it for
> you isn't gift giving, it's
> the white people version of looting.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:35 AM   #12
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New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I
> don't need to know in months.
> "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's
> not a cheese. And I didn't
> really care in the first place.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:36 AM   #13
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New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult
> and want a job that pays
> better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't
> pierce or tattoo every
> available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your
> future around saying, "Do you
> want fries with that?"
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:42 AM   #14
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008
> >>>
> >>> WHEN.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 1. You pull up in your own driveway and use your
> cell phone to see if
> >>> anyone
> >>> is home to help you carry in the groceries.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards
> in years.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach
> your family of three.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk
> next to you.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with
> friends and family is that
> >>> they
> >>> don't have e-mail addresses.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 6. You accidentally enter your password on the
> microwave.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 7. Every commercial on television has a web site
> at the bottom of the
> >>> screen.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone,
> which you didn't have the
> >>> first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is
> now a cause for panic and
> >>> you
> >>> turn around to go and get it.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 10. You get up in the morning and go on line
> before getting your coffee.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 11. You're reading this and nodding and
> laughing.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are
> going to forward this
> >>> message.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9
> on this list.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 14. You actually scrolled back up to check that
> there wasn't a #9 on
> >>> this
> >>> list.
> >>>
> >>> AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. Go on,
> forward this to your friends.
> >>> You
> >>> know you want to!! And Yes, I was laughing and
> I did scroll back to see
> >>> that there wasn't a #9
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Old 12-30-2007, 05:41 PM   #15
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OMG....hilarious, mower......thanks!!!!
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Old 01-22-2008, 07:40 PM   #16
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Thank you Mower.
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Old 01-24-2008, 03:55 PM   #17
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lol, I enjoyed that, ty
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Old 01-24-2008, 04:03 PM   #18
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still laughing and nodding

Thanks I needed that!
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Old 12-12-2016, 02:32 PM   #19
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HOLY CRAP - New Rules for 2008!!!! - How long has this site been here?
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Old 12-12-2016, 02:34 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wrecking View Post
HOLY CRAP - New Rules for 2008!!!! - How long has this site been here?
A long time and why are you digging up old threads?
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Old 12-12-2016, 02:35 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by madmax View Post
A long time and why are you digging up old threads?
Hit last on the joke thread - reading some of the old jokes - pretty neat place
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Old 12-16-2016, 06:07 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wrecking View Post
Hit last on the joke thread - reading some of the old jokes - pretty neat place
And there was I worried that the lag had got so bad here that it took 8 years for the post to finish
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