Married And Flirting Chat

Go Back   Married And Flirting Chat > Married And Flirting Chat Forums > Jokes, Stories & Games

Jokes, Stories & Games Have a good joke to tell or a story to share. How about a game to play, Post it here and share it with us.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-29-2009, 09:48 AM   #1
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default Ever have one of those mornings?

Yea like today - i get up decide I'll go out on the wild side and shave off all my hairs down below --
soap up the little guy and his surroundings jungle -
and start shaving away - drain was getting clogged -
looks like i just skinned a gorilla in the tub - then i notice -
HOLY CRAP the razor was dull - and i have a million little cuts -
So i do what any normal guy would do - (ONE NOT THINK) -
grab the old spice after shave (99.9% straight whisky) and toss some on-- WOWWWWWWWWWWWW --- my eyes were wattering
does that burn - now I am in pain jumping all over the bathroom -
pulling off pieces of toilet paper to stop all the little gushers
and then head off to work - now as i sit hear under my desk the small pieces are falling off - and it looks like a blizzard --
YEA did anyone else ever have one of those mornings?
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to upstr84u For This Useful Post:
Ally (07-29-2009), daisyduck (07-29-2009), dixiechik (07-29-2009), hpygrl (07-29-2009), smilingHard (07-30-2009)
Old 07-29-2009, 09:52 AM   #2
sweet
 
sweet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Age: 39
Posts: 13,067
Thanks: 5,090
Thanked 2,631 Times in 1,658 Posts
sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like sweet Is God Like
Default

LOL! Not quite, but pretty close!
(Thanks for the laugh!)
sweet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 09:52 AM   #3
hpygrl
Flirting Guest
I Love It Here
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Age: 52
Posts: 18,845
Thanks: 5,102
Thanked 5,107 Times in 3,712 Posts
hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like
Default

OMFG
LMFAO
Are you serious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you morning kind of sucked til this thread....
Good Luck and try aloe!! or a little neosporin - don't want an infection!

Oh my.......
hpygrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 09:53 AM   #4
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default

i am dreading trying to explain all the little scabs i'll be having
it will look like i had a case of the measels
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 09:58 AM   #5
OGP
Stand Back!
 
OGP's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Age: 52
Posts: 2,586
Thanks: 686
Thanked 562 Times in 416 Posts
OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like OGP Is God Like
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by upstr84u View Post
Yea like today - i get up decide I'll go out on the wild side and shave off all my hairs down below --
soap up the little guy and his surroundings jungle -
and start shaving away - drain was getting clogged -
looks like i just skinned a gorilla in the tub - then i notice -
HOLY CRAP the razor was dull - and i have a million little cuts -
So i do what any normal guy would do - (ONE NOT THINK) -
grab the old spice after shave (99.9% straight whisky) and toss some on-- WOWWWWWWWWWWWW --- my eyes were wattering
does that burn - now I am in pain jumping all over the bathroom -
pulling off pieces of toilet paper to stop all the little gushers
and then head off to work - now as i sit hear under my desk the small pieces are falling off - and it looks like a blizzard --
YEA did anyone else ever have one of those mornings?

Hilarious..... made my morning better by putting a big smile on my face. Nothing like the pain of others to brighten ones day. Hope you and the "little guy" are feeling better soon!
OGP is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:00 AM   #6
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default

i am having trouble sitting in the chair today
I might have to head to walmart and get some new boxers - hope this stops soon - i don't want to be calling 911
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:01 AM   #7
hpygrl
Flirting Guest
I Love It Here
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Age: 52
Posts: 18,845
Thanks: 5,102
Thanked 5,107 Times in 3,712 Posts
hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like
Default

I am still rolling on the floor laughing.......
please keep up the tom foolery cuz you have made my day!

Thank you so much!!
hpygrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:04 AM   #8
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default

there is no tom foolery here -- I have to try to explain this at some time -- or Ill have to refraim from sex until the scars heal -- it is only going to get worse -- good news is this is normal for me
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:05 AM   #9
tadpole
~~**~~**~~**~~
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Age: 51
Posts: 4,433
Thanks: 2,382
Thanked 1,344 Times in 937 Posts
Blog Entries: 1
tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like tadpole Is God Like
Default

OMG!!! Hope you heal....soon!
tadpole is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:06 AM   #10
blu
Flirting Guest
I Love It Here
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Age: 60
Posts: 5,846
Thanks: 759
Thanked 583 Times in 488 Posts
blu Is God Like blu Is God Like blu Is God Like blu Is God Like blu Is God Like blu Is God Like blu Is God Like blu Is God Like blu Is God Like blu Is God Like blu Is God Like
Default

well ive had bad mornings, but i hate shaving my face, so im surely not shaving down there. Ye gods man you could have cut them off
blu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:06 AM   #11
hpygrl
Flirting Guest
I Love It Here
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Age: 52
Posts: 18,845
Thanks: 5,102
Thanked 5,107 Times in 3,712 Posts
hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like hpygrl Is God Like
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by upstr84u View Post
there is no tom foolery here -- I have to try to explain this at some time -- or Ill have to refraim from sex until the scars heal -- it is only going to get worse -- good news is this is normal for me
Hun - trust me that is some comedy hijinxs!!!!!

and... just tell her you were trying to excite her!!! c'mon at least she will laugh right?
hpygrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:07 AM   #12
PEBBLIEPOO
Flirting Goddess
 
PEBBLIEPOO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: rural minnesota
Age: 53
Posts: 1,689
Thanks: 66
Thanked 150 Times in 142 Posts
PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute PEBBLIEPOO has a reputation beyond repute
Default

no upstr64u i have never had that bad of a day hope you feels better soon

Last edited by PEBBLIEPOO; 07-29-2009 at 10:10 AM.
PEBBLIEPOO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:08 AM   #13
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default

i am afraid to go take a pee
i'll see a wreck between some red paint and a bannana down there
this is worse then a south park episode - i don't know if i should cry or laugh
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:10 AM   #14
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by happygirl101 View Post
Hun - trust me that is some comedy hijinxs!!!!!

and... just tell her you were trying to excite her!!! c'mon at least she will laugh right?
Ohhh you have no clue of what I know i'll expect
first a laugh
then some pictures
then a call to the kids to see how screwed up their father is
then - yea some splashing of peroxide
yea it is not going to be a good night
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:37 AM   #15
gdgrl
Follow me
 
gdgrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Cali
Age: 50
Posts: 18,637
Thanks: 8,918
Thanked 9,939 Times in 5,760 Posts
Blog Entries: 15
gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like
Default

Only u would come of with something this whacky. Just one question, did the procedure make IT look bigger???
__________________
Multilingual: English, profanity, sarcasm and real shit! ~unknown
gdgrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:39 AM   #16
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default

HELL NO - the little army man was running for cover
he thought he was going to the chopping block
all his wild wolly cover was taken away - he ran for the hills
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:41 AM   #17
gdgrl
Follow me
 
gdgrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Cali
Age: 50
Posts: 18,637
Thanks: 8,918
Thanked 9,939 Times in 5,760 Posts
Blog Entries: 15
gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like gdgrl Is God Like
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by upstr84u View Post
HELL NO - the little army man was running for cover
he thought he was going to the chopping block
all his wild wolly cover was taken away - he ran for the hills
Uh oh, now he will need to be coaxed out of hiding.............
__________________
Multilingual: English, profanity, sarcasm and real shit! ~unknown
gdgrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:42 AM   #18
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default

his head is tucked away so far if i happen to pass gas it will sound like a fire cracker just went off
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:53 AM   #19
SAPPHIRE
Flirting Guest
I Love It Here
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Age: 46
Posts: 1,878
Thanks: 293
Thanked 387 Times in 327 Posts
SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like SAPPHIRE Is God Like
Default

LOL .... OMFG!!!! .... Thanks for the laugh and putting a smile on my face UpStr84u I needed it .... Hope you and your little guy feel better soon
SAPPHIRE is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:56 AM   #20
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default

Well with your waxing advice
happgirls pictures
goodgirls pointing and laughing
and pebblipoo posting it on myspace
i might feel a little better
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 11:33 AM   #21
cherri
Openly Defiant
 
cherri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Indiana
Age: 45
Posts: 1,111
Thanks: 110
Thanked 492 Times in 302 Posts
cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like cherri Is God Like
Default

OMG! You poor thing!
No, never had that happen, well, at least, not to that extent. I ....dry shave, every day down there! Lol...but I have been shaving it like that for the last 3 years. Yes, there you can get razor bumps, and cuts easily......just use a new razor, lather up in your case, be careful, and don't use anything that burns. Put lotion on irritated skin. They now have an entire male skin care line, so you won't have to smell feminine or fruity. So, are you going to try it again, or is this a no-go?
__________________
The fire which seems extinguished often slumbers beneath the ashes. ---Pierre Corneille, Rodogune
cherri is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 11:36 AM   #22
FeIsTy FaV
Flirting Guest
I Love It Here
 
Join Date: May 2008
Age: 55
Posts: 23,277
Thanks: 4,034
Thanked 3,874 Times in 2,948 Posts
FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like FeIsTy FaV Is God Like
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by upstr84u View Post
i am dreading trying to explain all the little scabs i'll be having
it will look like i had a case of the measels

Oh what a lovely visual... You won't be getting laid anytime soon.
FeIsTy FaV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 11:39 AM   #23
daisyduck
***Beautiful disaster ***
 
daisyduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Down south
Age: 37
Posts: 30,100
Thanks: 6,667
Thanked 6,134 Times in 4,887 Posts
Blog Entries: 1
daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like daisyduck Is God Like
Default

not quite like that. hope your day gets better. lol
daisyduck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 11:44 AM   #24
upstr84u
Flirting God
 
upstr84u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: eastcoast
Age: 51
Posts: 4,602
Thanks: 12
Thanked 369 Times in 321 Posts
upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like upstr84u Is God Like
Default

i do hope it gets better soon
and cant wait for the itching to start as the hair grows back in
__________________
King of Lawn Darts
upstr84u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 11:47 AM   #25
Cy
Flirting God
I Love It Here
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Age: 48
Posts: 8,501
Thanks: 1,643
Thanked 3,118 Times in 1,894 Posts
Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute Cy has a reputation beyond repute
Default

I had a similar experience to this over a year ago.

Check out my blog entry

http://www.marriedandflirtingchat.co...77#comment2177

I'm still disturbed to this day
Cy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:15 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.