Married And Flirting Chat

Go Back   Married And Flirting Chat > Married And Flirting Chat Forums > Jokes, Stories & Games

Jokes, Stories & Games Have a good joke to tell or a story to share. How about a game to play, Post it here and share it with us.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-12-2016, 08:49 PM   #2101
Robalero
Married And Flirting
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Age: 60
Posts: 30
Thanks: 23
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Robalero is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Funny stuff here; I'm going to enjoy!

So . . . how's a ham and egg breakfast similar to the concept of being involved with someone or being committed to someone? In a ham and egg breakfast the chicken is involved but the pig . . . well the pig is definitely committed!
Robalero is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2016, 08:50 PM   #2102
Robalero
Married And Flirting
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Age: 60
Posts: 30
Thanks: 23
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Robalero is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redcat View Post
A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex.
Husband: "Sukitaki! Mojitaka!"
Wife replies: "Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!"
Husband says, angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"
Wife, on her knees, literally begging: "Mimi Nakoundinda tinkouji!"
Husband shouts, angrily: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"
I can't believe you just sat there trying to read this!
You don't know any Japanese.
You'll read anything as long as it's about sex!
Sometimes I worry about you....you're in serious need of help.
Now this is funny! LOL
Robalero is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2016, 08:51 PM   #2103
Robalero
Married And Flirting
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Age: 60
Posts: 30
Thanks: 23
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Robalero is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iceburn View Post
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.'

The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'.

Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''
Gotta admit; your play on words here is just hilarious!!! LOL
Robalero is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2016, 08:56 PM   #2104
redcat
Forum Leader
 
redcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Currently NC
Age: 60
Posts: 33,826
Thanks: 18,466
Thanked 12,831 Times in 8,180 Posts
Blog Entries: 31
redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like redcat Is God Like
Default

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked softly, stoking his face with both hands.

"Actually no"..he replied.

"Can you get him for me..I need to speak to him," she said running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't." breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say...

"Tell him..." she whispered, "There's no toilet paper - hand soap - or paper towels in the ladies room....."
redcat is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to redcat For This Useful Post:
southern1 (08-16-2016)
Old 08-16-2016, 08:44 PM   #2105
barefootgirl
Rewinding
 
barefootgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Next to mickey mouse
Age: 50
Posts: 2,351
Thanks: 722
Thanked 1,160 Times in 838 Posts
barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like
Default

An 80 old Italian lady finished her annual physical exam and the doctor said “You are in fine shape for your age, tell me… do you still have intercourse?”

“Justa a minuto, letta me aska my husband,” she said.

She went out to the reception room and said: ”Morris do we stilla havea intercourse?”

Morris answered impatiently… “If I tolda you oncea I tolda you a thousand timesa… We don'ta havea intercourse We have Blue Cross!!”
barefootgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to barefootgirl For This Useful Post:
navigater (08-17-2016), southern1 (08-16-2016)
Old 08-17-2016, 08:41 PM   #2106
Miss_red_siren
Flirting God
 
Miss_red_siren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Across the Universe
Age: 38
Posts: 2,581
Thanks: 511
Thanked 849 Times in 645 Posts
Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like Miss_red_siren Is God Like
Default

A man walks into a diner. He sees a sign: Cheese Sandwiches $2, Hand Jobs $10. Then he sees a woman behind the counter.
He asks her, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yeah."
"Go wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich."
Miss_red_siren is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2016, 09:10 PM   #2107
RisingSun
Good Morning!!
 
RisingSun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: My alternate Reality
Age: 65
Posts: 14,947
Thanks: 3,883
Thanked 2,254 Times in 2,091 Posts
RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like RisingSun Is God Like
Default

Call me Mr. Flintstone
I can make your bedrock
__________________
RisingSun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2016, 10:04 PM   #2108
Ww11713
Super Flirt
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Age: 58
Posts: 155
Thanks: 8
Thanked 26 Times in 24 Posts
Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute
Default

By going Bam Bam! ?
Ww11713 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2016, 12:56 PM   #2109
The13thDoctor
Super Flirt
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: SoCal
Age: 58
Posts: 179
Thanks: 23
Thanked 32 Times in 26 Posts
The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute The13thDoctor has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Q: What's the hardest part about eating a cracker?

A: Getting her to drop the remote!
The13thDoctor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2016, 09:22 PM   #2110
Ww11713
Super Flirt
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Age: 58
Posts: 155
Thanks: 8
Thanked 26 Times in 24 Posts
Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute Ww11713 has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by The13thDoctor View Post
Q: What's the hardest part about eating a cracker?

A: Getting her to drop the remote!
Oh thank god! I thought it was going to be a racist joke!!!!

How do you eat a vegetable?
Nah, it's too terrible. Even for here.....
Ww11713 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2017, 09:02 AM   #2111
barefootgirl
Rewinding
 
barefootgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Next to mickey mouse
Age: 50
Posts: 2,351
Thanks: 722
Thanked 1,160 Times in 838 Posts
barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like
Default

Knock knock

Who's there?

Doris

Doris who

Doris locked. That's why I'm knocking.
__________________
"Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny."
barefootgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to barefootgirl For This Useful Post:
redcat (02-15-2017)
Old 02-26-2017, 03:59 PM   #2112
barefootgirl
Rewinding
 
barefootgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Next to mickey mouse
Age: 50
Posts: 2,351
Thanks: 722
Thanked 1,160 Times in 838 Posts
barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like barefootgirl Is God Like
Default

A redhead tells her blonde friend, "I slept with a Brazilian."

The blonde replies, "You slut! How many is a brazilian?
__________________
"Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny."
barefootgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2017, 03:58 PM   #2113
michiganmike51
Married And Flirting
 
michiganmike51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Age: 52
Posts: 30
Thanks: 21
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
michiganmike51 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

What's the difference between a penis and bonus?

Your wife will blow a bonus!
michiganmike51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2017, 01:10 PM   #2114
St. Jimmy
Super Flirt
 
St. Jimmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: North of Baja California
Age: 55
Posts: 425
Thanks: 21
Thanked 28 Times in 24 Posts
St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute St. Jimmy has a reputation beyond repute
Default

How do you make 5 pounds of fat beautiful?
.
.
.
.
Put a nipple on it.
St. Jimmy is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:35 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.