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Old 10-24-2012, 07:07 AM   #1
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Default "Just Friends"? nope...

not according to this research study...this completely fits in with how I've always guessed it is....

http://news.yahoo.com/men-women-cant...140000101.html

Men and Women Can't be 'Just Friends'

By Adrian F. Ward | Scientific American – 21 hrs ago

Can heterosexual men and women ever be “just friends”? Few other questions have provoked debates as intense, family dinners as awkward, literature as lurid, or movies as memorable. Still, the question remains unanswered. Daily experience suggests that non-romantic friendships between males and females are not only possible, but common—men and women live, work, and play side-by-side, and generally seem to be able to avoid spontaneously sleeping together. However, the possibility remains that this apparently platonic coexistence is merely a façade, an elaborate dance covering up countless sexual impulses bubbling just beneath the surface.
New research suggests that there may be some truth to this possibility—that we may think we’re capable of being “just friends” with members of the opposite sex, but the opportunity (or perceived opportunity) for “romance” is often lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce at the most inopportune moment.
In order to investigate the viability of truly platonic opposite-sex friendships—a topic that has been explored more on the silver screen than in the science lab—researchers brought 88 pairs of undergraduate opposite-sex friends into…a science lab. Privacy was paramount—for example, imagine the fallout if two friends learned that one—and only one—had unspoken romantic feelings for the other throughout their relationship. In order to ensure honest responses, the researchers not only followed standard protocols regarding anonymity and confidentiality, but also required both friends to agree—verbally, and in front of each other—to refrain from discussing the study, even after they had left the testing facility. These friendship pairs were then separated,and each member of each pair was asked a series of questions related to his or her romantic feelings (or lack thereof) toward the friend with whom they were taking the study.
The results suggest large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends.
Men were also more willing to act on this mistakenly perceived mutual attraction. Both men and women were equally attracted to romantically involved opposite-sex friends and those who were single; “hot” friends were hot and “not” friends were not, regardless of their relationship status. However, men and women differed in the extent to which they saw attached friends as potential romantic partners. Although men were equally as likely to desire “romantic dates” with “taken” friends as with single ones, women were sensitive to their male friends’ relationship status and uninterested in pursuing those who were already involved with someone else.
These results suggest that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being “just friends.” What makes these results particularly interesting is that they were found within particular friendships (remember, each participant was only asked about the specific, platonic, friend with whom they entered the lab). This is not just a bit of confirmation for stereotypes about sex-hungry males and naïve females; it is direct proof that two people can experience the exact same relationship in radically different ways. Men seem to see myriad opportunities for romance in their supposedly platonic opposite-sex friendships. The women in these friendships, however, seem to have a completely different orientation—one that is actually platonic.
To the outside observer, it seems clear that these vastly different views about the potential for romance in opposite-sex friendships could cause serious complications—and people within opposite-sex relationships agree. In a follow-up study, 249 adults (many of whom were married) were asked to list the positive and negative aspects of being friends with a specific member of the opposite sex. Variables related to romantic attraction (e.g., “our relationship could lead to romantic feelings”) were five times more likely to be listed as negative aspects of the friendship than as positive ones. However, the differences between men and women appeared here as well. Males were significantly more likely than females to list romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships, and this discrepancy increased as men aged—males on the younger end of the spectrum were four times more likely than females to report romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships, whereas those on the older end of the spectrum were ten times more likely to do the same.
Taken together, these studies suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”—and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view.
So, can men and women be “just friends?” If we all thought like women, almost certainly. But if we all thought like men, we’d probably be facing a serious overpopulation crisis.
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:29 AM   #2
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.....

They didn't ask the nun
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:31 AM   #3
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.....

They didn't ask the nun

I'm telling you... even the nun can be corrupted!
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:40 AM   #4
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oh boy

I like to think that we can be friends but due to the intensity of my animal magnetism, most men find it impossible to resist
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:50 AM   #5
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Crazy...! One of my closest friends on this planet is a man & 20 yrs older than me.. To think... ! 12 years or so, hints dropped make sense..

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Old 10-24-2012, 07:55 AM   #6
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I read the title of this article and thought Tom was finally ready to acknowledge his true feelings for me. That he felt more for me than as simply being just his friend.
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Old 10-24-2012, 08:01 AM   #7
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Bollocks.

In most cases I have learnt this is true. I have found things out about male friends thoughts and started to doubt it. However I have got a friend of nearly 2 years who means the world to me but that is all. He is a good friend and I know that is mutual.
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Old 10-24-2012, 08:03 AM   #8
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Totally disagree.

I could name a hundred women off the bat that are wonderful friends but I've never had the first attraction to.....

Sorry. Don't buy it.
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Old 10-24-2012, 08:25 AM   #9
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So men are delusional horny little fuckers......go figure
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Old 10-24-2012, 08:53 AM   #10
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So men are delusional horny little fuckers......go figure
Also girls lie when taking a survey
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Old 10-24-2012, 09:06 AM   #11
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Bollocks.

In most cases I have learnt this is true. I have found things out about male friends thoughts and started to doubt it. However I have got a friend of nearly 2 years who means the world to me but that is all. He is a good friend and I know that is mutual.
You're only saying that cause you're a girl.
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Old 10-24-2012, 09:09 AM   #12
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Biz Markie's been telling me the same thing for 20+ years.
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Old 10-24-2012, 09:40 AM   #13
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Totally disagree.

I could name a hundred women off the bat that are wonderful friends but I've never had the first attraction to.....

Sorry. Don't buy it.
In some of my current work relationships I feel the same way. So, where those are concerned, I'd also disagree.

The other thing I'd disagree on I'd that the women were unaware or surprised by the idea that the men were attracted, or would pursue more if the opportunity came up. It's pretty apparent when you're up late chatting with a guy friend, or feeling a little tipsy and chatting at the end of a night that it would be super easy to tip the friendship to a hook up... I don't buy that women are naive to that.
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Old 10-24-2012, 10:28 AM   #14
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I have a lot of beautiful women friends that I never think "THAT" way about.....I'm sorry, there's more I wanted to say but my fingers are laughing at me so hard I can't get them to type any more!
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Old 10-24-2012, 10:38 AM   #15
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I would agree with this on the guy side. I have a really hard time not thinking romantic thoughts about my female friends. I especially have a hard time not thinking romantic thoughts and fantasizing about my wife's female friends....
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Old 10-24-2012, 10:42 AM   #16
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I'd say that when a man and a woman meet, sooner or soon, there is the

or not, moment. After that, if at first it's no, a friendship may be formed..but every few weeks, months, years, there is the rethink. It's nature, reminding you that you have an obligation to the species! and if he loses/gains weight, or muscle, grows/shaves his stache, raises/lowers his energy level, or wins the lottery or whatever...the vibe can change. We started out just as friends, and then...

Last edited by hijiller; 10-24-2012 at 10:44 AM.
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Old 10-24-2012, 10:53 AM   #17
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I'd say that when a man and a woman meet, sooner or soon, there is the

or not, moment. After that, if at first it's no, a friendship may be formed..but every few weeks, months, years, there is the rethink. It's nature, reminding you that you have an obligation to the species! and if he loses/gains weight, or muscle, grows/shaves his stache, raises/lowers his energy level, or wins the lottery or whatever...the vibe can change. We started out just as friends, and then...
So how do you account for all the times I make friends with a female and she always provides the "she's my sister" vibe.

NO "I'd Hit It" vibe there....
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Old 10-24-2012, 11:33 AM   #18
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So how do you account for all the times I make friends with a female and she always provides the "she's my sister" vibe.

NO "I'd Hit It" vibe there....
you need to meet people outside the family. Yes, cousins count as family. My office will bill you.
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Old 10-24-2012, 11:38 AM   #19
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So how do you account for all the times I make friends with a female and she always provides the "she's my sister" vibe.

NO "I'd Hit It" vibe there....
That's when it starts to get perverse and the word incest comes to mind.
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Old 10-24-2012, 11:42 AM   #20
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Depends on the guy
I say some can and some can't
I have been friends with a gal
There was no sexual attraction at all
we became friends in our early teens
I actually had to be told she was a looker
Never thought of her that way
Still don't she is always just my friend
So I say it's possible
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Old 10-24-2012, 11:48 AM   #21
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So how do you account for all the times I make friends with a female and she always provides the "she's my sister" vibe.

NO "I'd Hit It" vibe there....
I definitely have guys I work with that I feel that way about, and I'm sure the reverse is true for them. We have respect for each other.. know each others spouses.. know each others kids.. There's a comfort and ease there that feels like family. And I've been in different work situations where there was an atttraction.. so, I know the difference.. My current work mates I think 'ewwww.. gross.. that's like my brother'..

I don't know what the difference is.. But sometimes there is one.
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Old 10-24-2012, 11:52 AM   #22
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Somebody always wants to get in the other one's pants. Younger guys do this because they are too afraid to make a move. Most males 30 and above don't have female friends, that is just the way it goes.
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Old 10-24-2012, 11:52 AM   #23
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I definitely have guys I work with that I feel that way about, and I'm sure the reverse is true for them. We have respect for each other.. know each others spouses.. know each others kids.. There's a comfort and ease there that feels like family. And I've been in different work situations where there was an atttraction.. so, I know the difference.. My current work mates I think 'ewwww.. gross.. that's like my brother'..

I don't know what the difference is.. But sometimes there is one.
I HAVE TONS of male friends with zero anything.. but this one.. he is my best buddy. He will NEVER act on anything (families, etc, etc), I have complete trust, but in the last few years (we all meet a few times).. its been a bit different.. even I felt something... not sure what.. Anyhow. That's that, sufficient miles separate us
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Old 10-24-2012, 12:01 PM   #24
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kiddin aside, I tend to be queen of the friend zone, as a defense mechanism, so I can & do have male just friends...Maybe they're hittin it in their minds ....I dunno...

Flip side is that there are some that have become more, I blame chemistry
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Old 10-24-2012, 12:10 PM   #25
light71
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Yeah they can, but I think men being such visual creatures , and such simple creatures, that it's probably pretty common, almost the "norm" to at least have the passing thought about the sexual possibilities with any woman they interact with. But we're not quite so base that we can't put things in proper perspective or control those impulses. And some we will evaluate and not find the attractions with. Either way, attracted or not, we can still be friends.
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