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Old 01-14-2010, 05:54 PM   #1
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:14 PM   #2
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my husband would be emotionally destroyed if he knew...but he doesn't and he won't. i don't feel guilty about here, i did feel guilty about my one and only affair..it would keep me up at night, worried that he would find out. he didn't. capt morgan and coffee helped to deal with it..so did stress eating my delightful herbal brownies, lol
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:19 PM   #3
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:19 PM   #4
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I put my guilt away and don't deal with it. I compartmentalize what I do here and when I am in the midst of my family, this doesn't exist, and vice versa.
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:20 PM   #5
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At first I honestly recall the rush that sneaking on here gave, knowing I was getting something over her and day dreaming of all the women who would soon be mine. Then after awhile I grew to appreciate what this place is ... well I should clarify .. what it is to me ... and the guilt pretty much disappeared. She knows I am on a website for married people quite often ... and thus far she is convinced its like a therapy session, so I guess I do not really have much guilt anymore to deal with.
The fear part ... well I aint scurd of her anyways ..
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:25 PM   #6
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yes, the brownies are interesting, but the way i see it is this- i agonized for a month over whether or not to do what i did, once i made up my mind and did it, guilt was useless, it was done. i expected it, and still occasionally have bouts of guilt over it, but you know, guilt is a truly wasted emotion, it accomplishes nothing. i push it away when i feel it coming on now, you cannot undo what you conciously chose to do, so you might as well enjoy the memories....kind of like sugar free pudding...the taste of pleasure with none of the guilt, lol
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:45 PM   #7
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....i never did feel guilty...my spouse (ex now) wasn't a nice man, so for that reason alone I didn't feel guilty coming here and making friends and talking to people. I do think that if someone comes here with lots of guilt that it will eventually make that person an emotional mess...just eat you up to where you can't function. That's not healthy. I understand a little bit of guilt....but don't let it run your life.
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Old 01-15-2010, 04:12 PM   #8
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if it feels good u shouldnt feel guilty..end of story....am I heartless biatch???...maybe lol
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:00 PM   #9
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There is always a feeling of guilt, its a human emotion. Some may feel it more than others, I dont feel guilty about being here. My SO caught me here and knew about her. Not easy on either part, but I'm still alive to talk about it. Would i do it all over again? hell yes
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:04 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by redstatephil View Post
Even though certain areas of your life my lack those key elements you long for and your spouse apparently isn't necessarily doing their part, or else you wouldn't be here... how do you deal with the guilt... and fear of being caught? Knowing that if you were caught, you could destroy what you currently have and in the process destroy your spouse's life and children's lives. I know this is kind of heavy, but just trying to be brutally honest. I'm here and I have had relationships online, which led to offline relationships, but I do feel guilt and fear, but I keep coming back. What about you?
I'm very open with my wife. It can take a while, but if the two of you really love each other and have good intentions there should be little of anything you can't talk with each other about.
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:10 PM   #11
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I don't feel guilty about posting on a message board. Now if it went further.....like
emails, chatting, and eventually meeting another person, then I would feel guilty.
My SO says I can have sex with other guys, but I have to tell him all about it as it does turns him on. We only see each other once every two months for a week(this time it's two weeks and he's been working overtime everyday grrrrr)

Two months is a long time not to have sex with someone. I just can't seem to bring myself to have sex with someone other than him. He says I need to seperate my feelings from the act of sex. I'm more than willing to do it with another guy when he's with me but we are never together long enough for the opportunity to present it's self.
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:17 PM   #12
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Ugh...I got caught and was scared. It was very unpleasant...but I have to say not for the reasons you think. I was very upset I no longer had the edge over him...now we were equal. We both were fooling around on the side...I liked being the good one...with equal footing though we are finding our way back ... its like walking from Boston to Fiji mind you, but we are progressing.
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:22 PM   #13
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i take the easy way out i juss get drunk
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:38 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Khandie View Post
I don't feel guilty about posting on a message board. Now if it went further.....like
emails, chatting, and eventually meeting another person, then I would feel guilty.
My SO says I can have sex with other guys, but I have to tell him all about it as it does turns him on. We only see each other once every two months for a week(this time it's two weeks and he's been working overtime everyday grrrrr)

Two months is a long time not to have sex with someone. I just can't seem to bring myself to have sex with someone other than him. He says I need to seperate my feelings from the act of sex. I'm more than willing to do it with another guy when he's with me but we are never together long enough for the opportunity to present it's self.
That's kind of similar for me, though reversed to an extent. It's been quite a few years where my wife has basically said I could even have sex with someone else, but I know it would hurt her and I've never taken advantage of that offer (besides, that's not my main desire anyway).

On the other hand, she enjoys seeing me excited about someone and I give her a lot of attention too in those cases and I try not to leave her out so she doesn't feel like I'm leaving or "swapping" her for someone else.

So I guess similar to how your husband might find it a turn on if you had sex with someone else, my wife shares my excitement of having some new "love interest". My guess is that in both cases the reason why they aren't too jealous is because they don't worry a lot about someone leaving the relationship.
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:47 PM   #15
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He dosn't worry about it .....he say's I know who you love and your always coming home with me and sleeping in my bed.
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Old 01-15-2010, 06:01 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redstatephil View Post
Even though certain areas of your life my lack those key elements you long for and your spouse apparently isn't necessarily doing their part, or else you wouldn't be here... how do you deal with the guilt... and fear of being caught? Knowing that if you were caught, you could destroy what you currently have and in the process destroy your spouse's life and children's lives. I know this is kind of heavy, but just trying to be brutally honest. I'm here and I have had relationships online, which led to offline relationships, but I do feel guilt and fear, but I keep coming back. What about you?

If one feels guilty or has a fear of being caught then perhpas one should not be here.

For the record.....I don't feel guilty as I have done nothing to feel guilty about.

Good luck.
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Old 01-15-2010, 08:50 PM   #17
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Life can be fleeting.. Being with someone who makes you laugh and feel like you haven't in years... I think we were created to love... If you have exhausted all the possibilites with your spouse to meet you half way.. Oh my... What was I saying???
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Old 01-15-2010, 08:53 PM   #18
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The guilt drove me crazy at first then I realized it wasn't my fault I had the guilt...I moved on from there.
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:29 PM   #19
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What guilt, to be honest I would be in my bedroom if I felt welcome.
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:33 PM   #20
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I look at it as having only one life to live, and if someone else can fulfill the other aspect of my life, well then...
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:36 PM   #21
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At first I honestly recall the rush that sneaking on here gave, knowing I was getting something over her and day dreaming of all the women who would soon be mine. Then after awhile I grew to appreciate what this place is ... well I should clarify .. what it is to me ... and the guilt pretty much disappeared. She knows I am on a website for married people quite often ... and thus far she is convinced its like a therapy session, so I guess I do not really have much guilt anymore to deal with.
The fear part ... well I aint scurd of her anyways ..
It is like a therapy place, and I agree. Hubby knows I have a site that I play on. He also knows I have made real friends here. He gets a bit jealous now and then, and then he flips the channel and gets over it...
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:43 PM   #22
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I'm catholic. Guilt and fear is something I live with on a daily basis.
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Old 01-16-2010, 01:58 AM   #23
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I never felt guilty about being here... this is where I found a home.. a place to be me.. a place to flirt witout it being in person... because i wasn't happy at home and I needed something more...

I did feel guilty when I had an affair.. I felt awful about not abiding by the vows I took.. although I didn't love my ex.. I still felt strongly about the marriage vows.. I lived with that guilt for a very long time.. I still live with it.. how did I deal? I ate.. and I got fat.. then I worked out.. then I just learned to live with it.. but I didn't cheat physically in person again.. I did cyber.. have phone sex.. but I already knew that I was getting out..

it absolutely killed my ex when he found the site.. but I had already asked for the divorce.. he logged in and tried to find my lover.. he was sure I was having a real life affair.. and I wasn't.. I was having a few online affairs.. lol...
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Old 01-16-2010, 06:27 AM   #24
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Old 01-22-2010, 03:58 AM   #25
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