Separating

Augustus · 09-23-2008, 08:44 PM

For those who have seperated and/or divorced, where does one start?

We have recently talked about separating and calling it quiets so now i'm trying to figure out what next, how do break the new to the kids, who gets the house(she can't afford the mortgage), pulling the kids out of the private school, who will move out.........

Basically what will be the next move..........

Guess I'm trying to gather info and wisdom to make the next move......

Augustus

tiger50 · 09-23-2008, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Augustus

For those who have seperated and/or divorced, where does one start?

We have recently talked about separating and calling it quiets so now i'm trying to figure out what next, how do break the new to the kids, who gets the house(she can't afford the mortgage), pulling the kids out of the private school, who will move out.........

Basically what will be the next move..........

Guess I'm trying to gather info and wisdom to make the next move......

Augustus

I did it about 14 months ago....just rented a unit, packed my stuff and left.... Not sure i can offer much advice, each situation is different... and ur legal issues are different in the US...

FlirtyGirl1 · 09-23-2008, 09:21 PM

It sounds like you are already thinking about all of the important things. I know that I suggested on another thread about divorce that there are some good books out there and I liked "Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life" by Sam Marguiles. Start to write things out and then when you are both really sure....just do it. It'll hurt less than you think. When we told our kids we sat down together as a family in the evening and we talked about all aspects of it. We gave them a nice general reason why we were seperating and we talked about where he would live, how we would both still be there for them, that they could be angry if they wanted and that we would take them to therapy if they needed it. It has gone fairly well and our kids are 12, 8 and 3.

scoobertina · 09-23-2008, 09:26 PM

my ex and I had several conversations about this... the kids were our first priority... then we decided the other things.. the key is to calmly sit down and do it together... our kids were grown so it wasn't as bad but my son still suffered.. his last year in high school was not great... but he managed to pull himself out of it... and well, he liked seeing how a person on site made me very happy... well, a few people...

then we did a walk through of the house, what he wanted, what I wanted... the lawyers were contacted and we sat down and just wrote it all up... we learned that you can go straight to the courthouse if it is uncontested.. would have saved us money...

hope this helps...

Dsparate No More · 09-24-2008, 12:18 AM

It has been my experience that discussing divorce is one thing, but actually making it a reality is another. My ex-husband to be was more than agreeable and amicable until he was served with papers. Get your tentative agreement in writing and get a lawyer...just in case...

UltimateNaneki · 09-24-2008, 05:26 AM

Well I had no kids. We were renting at the time and neither could afford the apartment alone,so we stayed till the lease was up(that was uncomfortable) and we rented apart. He got most of the items, I just wanted myself to be happy again. Now we are better friends then we ever were before.
Good luck Augustus.....

Kissie · 09-24-2008, 06:09 AM

I dont have any experience here...but when you talk with the children...just make sure they know that they did NOTHING wrong for this to happen...
I believe that kids are the most important people here....and need to be able to ask any questions and for you and the wife to be honest with them!!!!!

WandaRing · 09-24-2008, 02:42 PM

I think first you need to sit down together and decide what you want to say to the kids...together and on the same page, making it very clear that it has nothing to do with them, that you love them and will be around whenever they need you.

Let the children help you find a place to live and then to set up the new place, it will help in allowing them to have some say, allow them to have feelings about being in control and having a voice and knowing where you will be.

Nothing needs to be decided right away, continue to work on the things that need to be worked on and just get the feel that moving out and separating is the best thing for both of you. Feeling like you have to decided everything now only puts pressure on both of you and adds tension to the whole situation

92115guy · 09-24-2008, 03:23 PM

My advice is to do things as calmly as you can now. See an attorney early and make the first step of moving out. Divorce and degenerate really quickly once both parties realize what is really happening (not saying that is has to ...just that it can). Once it turns ugly then it's absolutely no fun and much harder to make rational decisions.

james

NotTooGirly · 09-24-2008, 10:07 PM

92115guy is right...get your legal things in order if there will be any sort of fight over property or, in your case, visitation and child-related matters, because even the best-intentioned people can get a little loopy when it comes to this kind of thing. In the space of a week, my ex went from "don't leave me, I'll do anything" to "who are you sleeping with?" and having everything I sent over in the paperwork reviewed by a lawyer (just to annoy me, I wasn't taking anything I hadn't come in with, and I signed over most of the money and mutual property to him).

Basically, the more you can prepare up front the better your chances are for it going as smoothly as possible (because, let's face it, it's never easy). The first thing you'll want to do is Google your local court system and see what needs to be done to file the paperwork, then go from there.

mark_66 · 09-30-2008, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Augustus

For those who have separated and/or divorced, where does one start?

We have recently talked about separating and calling it quiets so now i'm trying to figure out what next, how do break the new to the kids, who gets the house(she can't afford the mortgage), pulling the kids out of the private school, who will move out.........

Basically what will be the next move..........

Guess I'm trying to gather info and wisdom to make the next move......

Augustus

Try spell check its free - its separating not seperating geez another product of our wonderful education sytem

sassynsweet · 09-30-2008, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark_66

Try spell check its free - its separating not seperating geez another product fo our wonderful education sytem

and yet another kind and compassionate post... good job.

stellabelle · 09-30-2008, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark_66

Try spell check its free - its separating not seperating geez another product fo our wonderful education sytem

I had no idea M&F had the spelling police!!! Sheesh mark, what the hell? You're two for two now. Not making many friends are you.

RedVixen · 10-01-2008, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark_66

Try spell check its free - its separating not seperating geez another product fo our wonderful education sytem

Looks like you could use a copy of spell check yourself mate

Han Solo · 10-01-2008, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedVixen

Looks like you could use a copy of spell check yourself mate

Now how did I Know that YOU would be on the case here.....all we need is Krystal the Siggy Spelling Police and it will be complete!!

RedVixen · 10-01-2008, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Augustus

For those who have seperated and/or divorced, where does one start?

We have recently talked about separating and calling it quiets so now i'm trying to figure out what next, how do break the new to the kids, who gets the house(she can't afford the mortgage), pulling the kids out of the private school, who will move out.........

Basically what will be the next move..........

Guess I'm trying to gather info and wisdom to make the next move......

Augustus

I don't have the answers, but it sounds like you've already taken a big step by talking to your spouse about separation. I wish you all the best Augustus

RedVixen · 10-01-2008, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Han Solo

Now how did I Know that YOU would be on the case here.....all we need is Krystal the Siggy Spelling Police and it will be complete!!

'Cause you're one smart cookie

Penny · 10-01-2008, 06:28 PM

I have dyslexia and I have a hard time spelling simple words the right way. This isn't 8th grade English class

I think people need to lighten up a little. Post like that will keep people from posting for fear of ridicule.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark_66

Try spell check its free - its separating not seperating geez another product fo our wonderful education sytem

Lacey · 10-01-2008, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penny

I have dyslexia and I have a hard time spelling simple words the right way. This isn't 8th grade English class

I think people need to lighten up a little. Post like that will keep people from posting for fear of ridicule.

Here! Here!!

I have dyslexia also, some days I don't want to post because of it.We all need to be considerate of others at all times.

09-23-2008, 08:44 PM	#1
Augustus Super Flirt Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: MD Age: 38 Posts: 245 Thanks: 5 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Separating For those who have seperated and/or divorced, where does one start? We have recently talked about separating and calling it quiets so now i'm trying to figure out what next, how do break the new to the kids, who gets the house(she can't afford the mortgage), pulling the kids out of the private school, who will move out......... Basically what will be the next move.......... Guess I'm trying to gather info and wisdom to make the next move...... Augustus Last edited by MCat; 09-30-2008 at 10:33 PM.

09-23-2008, 09:26 PM	#4
scoobertina ~in my head~ Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: here, there, everywhere Age: 45 Posts: 39,789 My Mood: Thanks: 8,188 Thanked 6,447 Times in 4,592 Posts Blog Entries: 54	my ex and I had several conversations about this... the kids were our first priority... then we decided the other things.. the key is to calmly sit down and do it together... our kids were grown so it wasn't as bad but my son still suffered.. his last year in high school was not great... but he managed to pull himself out of it... and well, he liked seeing how a person on site made me very happy... well, a few people... then we did a walk through of the house, what he wanted, what I wanted... the lawyers were contacted and we sat down and just wrote it all up... we learned that you can go straight to the courthouse if it is uncontested.. would have saved us money... hope this helps... __________________ A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy? - Albert Einstein

09-24-2008, 05:26 AM	#6
UltimateNaneki BBW Sex Goddess Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: My heart and soul is in a small city called Jonquiere...I only wish my body was there too! Age: 47 Posts: 18,331 My Mood: Thanks: 113 Thanked 347 Times in 303 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Well I had no kids. We were renting at the time and neither could afford the apartment alone,so we stayed till the lease was up(that was uncomfortable) and we rented apart. He got most of the items, I just wanted myself to be happy again. Now we are better friends then we ever were before. Good luck Augustus..... __________________ You say you love me --- Just as I am! --- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuAhl06dn4c

09-24-2008, 06:09 AM	#7
Kissie Flirting Goddess Join Date: Sep 2006 Age: 47 Posts: 11,039 My Mood: Thanks: 477 Thanked 812 Times in 601 Posts Blog Entries: 6	I dont have any experience here...but when you talk with the children...just make sure they know that they did NOTHING wrong for this to happen... I believe that kids are the most important people here....and need to be able to ask any questions and for you and the wife to be honest with them!!!!! __________________ In the pool if you need to find me!!!!!

09-24-2008, 02:42 PM	#8
WandaRing life can work... Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 4,295 My Mood: Thanks: 1,214 Thanked 996 Times in 616 Posts	I think first you need to sit down together and decide what you want to say to the kids...together and on the same page, making it very clear that it has nothing to do with them, that you love them and will be around whenever they need you. Let the children help you find a place to live and then to set up the new place, it will help in allowing them to have some say, allow them to have feelings about being in control and having a voice and knowing where you will be. Nothing needs to be decided right away, continue to work on the things that need to be worked on and just get the feel that moving out and separating is the best thing for both of you. Feeling like you have to decided everything now only puts pressure on both of you and adds tension to the whole situation __________________ I like my clothes to be tight enough to show I'm a woman... but loose enough to show I'm a lady.

09-23-2008, 09:21 PM	#3
FlirtyGirl1 Married And Flirting Join Date: Jul 2008 Age: 38 Posts: 90 Thanks: 9 Thanked 27 Times in 20 Posts	It sounds like you are already thinking about all of the important things. I know that I suggested on another thread about divorce that there are some good books out there and I liked "Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life" by Sam Marguiles. Start to write things out and then when you are both really sure....just do it. It'll hurt less than you think. When we told our kids we sat down together as a family in the evening and we talked about all aspects of it. We gave them a nice general reason why we were seperating and we talked about where he would live, how we would both still be there for them, that they could be angry if they wanted and that we would take them to therapy if they needed it. It has gone fairly well and our kids are 12, 8 and 3.

09-24-2008, 12:18 AM	#5
Dsparate No More Sebby's Fiance Join Date: May 2007 Location: In his bed... Age: 37 Posts: 2,061 My Mood: Thanks: 276 Thanked 297 Times in 223 Posts	It has been my experience that discussing divorce is one thing, but actually making it a reality is another. My ex-husband to be was more than agreeable and amicable until he was served with papers. Get your tentative agreement in writing and get a lawyer...just in case...

09-24-2008, 10:07 PM	#10
NotTooGirly Jet City Woman Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Making the rules up and drawing the map as I go Age: 39 Posts: 1,638 My Mood: Thanks: 948 Thanked 534 Times in 348 Posts Blog Entries: 2	92115guy is right...get your legal things in order if there will be any sort of fight over property or, in your case, visitation and child-related matters, because even the best-intentioned people can get a little loopy when it comes to this kind of thing. In the space of a week, my ex went from "don't leave me, I'll do anything" to "who are you sleeping with?" and having everything I sent over in the paperwork reviewed by a lawyer (just to annoy me, I wasn't taking anything I hadn't come in with, and I signed over most of the money and mutual property to him). Basically, the more you can prepare up front the better your chances are for it going as smoothly as possible (because, let's face it, it's never easy). The first thing you'll want to do is Google your local court system and see what needs to be done to file the paperwork, then go from there. __________________ How many loved your moments of glad grace, or loved your beauty with love false or true But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, and all the sorrows of your changing face - WB Yeats